His mother is ruining our relationship!!

[answersplease]

I am dating a man who is 23 and I am 31, I am divorced with 3 kids and he has never been married and has no kids. We both know this is not the ideal situation and neither expected this to last but after 2 years we are very much in love and can even see a future together. Our problem is his mother who hates me, she has sent me emails physically threatening me, she has tried (successfully to a point) to smear my name by calling me names to anyone who will listen and by refusing to acknowledge me as his girlfriend, instead refering to me as just his sex buddy (that's a nice term for what she has actually called me), she has written terrible posts about me on her facebook page and has forbidden me to go to holidays (which aren't even at her house) and threatens to leave as soon as I get there if I were to show up. The rest of the family (including his father who is still married to his mom) adores me and we often are invited to do things with them, they all disagree with her but are scared to say so because they don't want her mad at them. She will still send my boyfriend texts telling him he needs to make sure to brush his teeth and shower before work and wants to be involved in every single aspect of his life. She gets upset when he does things with me and says she feels like he is pulling away from her and apparently doesn't see the connection between her actions and what is happenening. She has known me for a long time and prior to him and I dating she was very nice to me and we even played cards and games together, (I am close with their family and was often at family functions before this happened) and we have the same circle of friends. This is also not the first time she has done this, when her parents got divorced (she was in her early 20's) her father started seeing a woman half his age (they are still together and very happily married now for 17+ years) and she physically attacked the woman, spoke to everyone about how bad of a person she was because she was dating her father who was so much older, basically the same as she is doing to me now. It took her 6 years before she came around and gave her a chance and they became good friends. Please help, I don't know what to do or what my boyfriend needs to do. He has tried talking to her but she will not listen and doesn't care what he says, she will only say that she hates me not because of the age difference but because she assumes I do not want more kids and says she wants grandkids and he should want kids. With Christmas coming up and us wanting to spend the holidays together I need to get something figured out soon, I know he wants to be with his family just like I would too but it would hurt me if he went without me because of her. And on the other side of things I don't want to be the reason he doesn't get to celebrate with them, I know how important family is to him so this is tearing me apart!! Advice please!!!

[answersplease]

I should add that we live together now and have for about 6 months.

[surfhb]

Ignore her for one. You and your SO need to get some balls to put her in her place. This issue is on you and your BF since she is not going to change.

As long as she has ANY clue she is getting in your head, you enable her and she wins. And what's up with the texts to brush his Teeth? Lol. That's beyond disturbing. Change the phone number....that seems like a simple fix.

Im sure she'll continue to carry on for sometime to come but if you ignore her and her actions, thing will calm and fade.

Bottom line here is that you and your BF are big pussies !!! You're afraid of this dim wit and do nothing about it.

[answersplease]

lol! I know, it's so weird to me how she is but I also get that to him this is normal. She doesn't want him to grow up, and if he does only on her terms regardless of if he's happy as long as it's what she wants for him.

[Cerby]

How long had you known this woman before you and your boyfriend started dating?

[answersplease]

I knew her and her family for about 6 years before him and I started dating, I didn't meet him until about 4 years ago though. And it's not that I don't understand her concerns, we know this isn't conventional but for us it works and works well. What absolutely blows my mind is that she claims to be so close with him but will not respect his feelings if they are not in line with hers. I have 2 sons and yes, I would be worried about this match-up but my concern would be genuine and directed towards him (not his girlfriend) in a non-confrontational way. If he still chose to pursue it I would support him, not necessarily because I agreed with it but because I want a relationship with my son. What a mess!!

[Cerby]

Well, She might just see it as some grown up woman dating her little boy. If you met her when he was 15 and you were in your early-mid 20s, having babies, and being seen as an adult in her eyes while her son was still just a boy, she might still being seeing things that same way.

I can see where concern may stem, but she does need to back off a bit.

[answersplease]

That's exactly how she views it, even though I didn't meet him until he was an adult. She has interfered in past relationships as well though and they were the same age. Idk, just a bad situation we wish could be fixed so everyone can be happy.

[surfhb]

That's exactly how she views it, even though I didn't meet him until he was an adult. She has interfered in past relationships as well though and they were the same age. Idk, just a bad situation we wish could be fixed so everyone can be happy.

You can. I told you how

[answersplease]

I know! I know what needs to be done, I just want to make sure we are not the ones out of line before we do something about it... and because yes, I am a pussy lol! I hate confrontation :/

[surfhb]

I hate confrontation :/

Squeaky wheel gets the grease !!

[answersplease]

Very true! (nodding in agreement)

[MerryH]

Idk, just a bad situation we wish could be fixed so everyone can be happy.

She'll likely never be happy unless she's the one calling the shots, so don't even try. Her happiness is not the responsibility of you or her son. You should not do anything. Let him take the lead on dealing with it. He's the one who needs to grow up and stop letting his mother interfere. Let him decide whether or not he's going to bring you along to family gatherings. Let him stand up to her and tell her to stop trash talking you. If he doesn't do it, then you know where you stand - he chose her over you.

It's basically time for him to issue his mother an ultimatum. "Mother, I realize that you have a problem with me dating answersplease, but she is my girlfriend, and I love her very much. I am not going to break up with her. If you continue to disrespect my decisions and speak badly about her or threaten her, then I'm sorry, but you will force me to severely limit my contact with you. I love you, mumsy, but you need to let me grow up and make my own decisions. I hope we can all be civil from now on, blah blah blah."

[mugz]

grow some balls u dumb bitch its obvious