I don't know if I can take this anymore ;(

[tremendosdamage]

Hey all

I'm in a bad way today. I don't have anyone to talk to so I'm just going to blurt my emotions here and i might get some helpful replies if not its off my chest.

I have been in a relationship for 13 months. I'm not sure if i can take it any longer. I don't know where to start here but i will try. my girlfriend shows me hardly any attention or affection. she works with her friends everyday and chats to one of them almost every day and night. if i message or call her more than 2 or 3 times a week she gets upset and says she feels trapped. we lived together for 6 months but she moved out because she felt trapped and said she had lost her passion for drawing was feeling drained and lazy living with me. we are still together but she shows me little to no interest. i am open and upfront with her about my feelings on everything and she doesn't care. she is completely dismissive of me. when we are around her friends or her family which is very rare these days she acts a different way to me, she acts pretty much normal as if she doesn't want them to see how bad she really treats me. she hardly appreciates me and the good man i am to her.

when she visits me and we communicate she tells me all her opinions and never considers any of mine then she just sits on the fone texting her friends or reading paying me no attention. i don't think she has ever made a compromise for me in our relationship. it seems once a week i am compromising something for her. she does not listen to my future wishes, beliefs, interests and is never willing to take my opinions into consideration. when i persist to talk to her about all these problems and try and resolve them she either shuts me out by not replying to my messages for days on end or hanging up on me or telling me i am harassing her when all i am trying to do is come to an agreement where i can be treated better so i can be happy, so we can both be happy.

yesterday we were talking about the type of future houses we should buy and she was dismissive of all my opinions about anything not willing to compromise and her attitude is if you don't like it than thats tough luck. she likes smaller places as they are less hassle and i suggested she may change her opinion after having children. boy was that a mistake. she had a passive aggressive fit at me saying i have no right to tell her that she will change her mind after having children and then another rant about me thinking she is stupid. i don't think she is stupid. i tell her all the time she is one of the smartest girls i have ever met.

after this i decided enough was enough and i had to stand up to this. so i told her how bad she made me feel as usual then i demanded an apology and said i wont talk to her until she apologises. she said she wasn't apologising and goodbye. i messaged her again today hoping she had calmed down asking her if she was ready to apologise as i am good to her and didn't deserve it she is still ignoring me. several hours later.

what do i do here? i'm just lost, i love this girl so much why cant she just treat me like a normal person at least as good as her friends I'm not expecting any better treatment than that.

if there is anything anyone would like me to go into deeper detail with just ask. to whoever reads this thank you. i hope no one else has to go through this horrible feeling.

[MrLoyal]

This is a tough one Dude. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying.

My opinion would be to run, run as fast as you can. This girl is either using you, has lost all interest or is ****ing insane.

[searock]

Uh. Why are you even with this girl? Just break up with her. Next time don't wait 13 months of this before you do o.O.

[chinagirl]

You need to break up with this girl. She's no longer in love with you and you can't force her to fall back in love you you (if she were ever in love with you at all). Don't allow yourself to be treated like a doormat, you deserve someone better. She's never going to change for you.

Leave her and don't contact her, don't beg and find someone else once you recover from this relationship.

I'm sorry this is happening to you but you will feel better as a person when you're no longer with her. You'll get back your self respect and sense of self.

Best of luck to you in the future.

[Dexie]

I'm so sorry you are going through this, but really? Why are you subjecting yourself to this? You say you love her? Fair play...but I don't think it is fair to allow yourself to be treated like this. How are you going to make it work when she won't even allow you to talk to her more than three times a week. How are you going to make it work when you take the next step of moving in together? Being in a relationship is meant to be beautiful but it means compromise and from what you are saying, there is none of this from her side. I don't mean to sound harsh, but there are many others out there that are probably way more compatible for you. Yes, it will hurt in the beginning. Do what is best for you and walk away!

[tremendosdamage]

This is a tough one Dude. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying.

My opinion would be to run, run as fast as you can. This girl is either using you, has lost all interest or is ****ing insane.

I really hope that you are wrong. I just want her to make an effort any effort.

Uh. Why are you even with this girl? Just break up with her. Next time don't wait 13 months of this before you do o.O.

Things were really good at the start. It went bad during the time we had lived together. I just hoped she would change that this was just an obstacle or that she was angry with me and would get over it eventually.

You need to break up with this girl. She's no longer in love with you and you can't force her to fall back in love you you (if she were ever in love with you at all). Don't allow yourself to be treated like a doormat, you deserve someone better. She's never going to change for you.

Leave her and don't contact her, don't beg and find someone else once you recover from this relationship.

I'm sorry this is happening to you but you will feel better as a person when you're no longer with her. You'll get back your self respect and sense of self.

Best of luck to you in the future.

Not exactly what I wanted to hear but thank you for being honest.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, but really? Why are you subjecting yourself to this? You say you love her? Fair play...but I don't think it is fair to allow yourself to be treated like this. How are you going to make it work when she won't even allow you to talk to her more than three times a week. How are you going to make it work when you take the next step of moving in together? Being in a relationship is meant to be beautiful but it means compromise and from what you are saying, there is none of this from her side. I don't mean to sound harsh, but there are many others out there that are probably way more compatible for you. Yes, it will hurt in the beginning. Do what is best for you and walk away!

Yes I do really love her.

Your responses have raised some curiosity in me so I must ask a few questions if thats okay? why would she not just break up with me if she didn't love me or didn't want to be with me? why would she string me along? thats the thing I just don't get and thats why I have stuck with it even through the mistreatment.

Where do her feelings of feeling trapped come from? could I have done anything to make her feel so trapped and closed in that she can barely even communicate with me without feeling trapped or overwhelmed?

do you think this is her personality and then how she treats all the people she is in a relationship with or just me? she doesn't treat anyone else like this from what i have seen. its really not fair if she didn't love me anymore she should have just broken up with me so i know.

[searock]

its really not fair if she didn't love me anymore she should have just broken up with me so i know.

Nope, it's not how it works. Maybe she is waiting for you to break up with her because she doesn't have the guts to do it herself, that's a possibility.

Either way it doesn't matter: you are unhappy and the only solution is to break up with her.

[nico88]

I agree with what everyone here told you. It sucks to walk away from someone you love but it sounds like you don't have a choice. She's making you miserable and life's too short to live that way.

Break things off and start anew. You'll thank yourself later..trust me.

[tremendosdamage]

Maybe I am just in denial I just hoped she would change. I just saw it as something she or we had to get through. sorry guys this is really hard for me to hear. I thank you so much for all your support though, means a lot.

[Dexie]

I agree with searock. Maybe she is waiting on you to end it, I must confess - I have been in this situation before, not only did I not have the "balls" to end it, but I felt like it was convenient to stay in a dead end relationship knowing full well that it was going nowhere. I wasn't in love with him, but I was scared to be by myself and scared of what it may to do him. It was very selfish,I know... BUT it may not be the same thing here.

Maybe, on the other hand, she feels like she has you on a leash in some way, like you are there when you are needed and that you will come running when beckoned? It's always good to have someone there for you right???

Her saying that she feels trapped sound like she's making excuses - much like an avoidance of some kind?
What ever the issue is, have you tried actually sitting down and talking out the issues? It sounds like you are both fundamentally different and you definitely don't sound very happy.

Best advice....move on, it's broken!

These are things that prepare us for the real thing. :-)

[Wakeup]

You dated and then you lived together and you've found out that you're no good together as LIFEpartners so why are you hanging on like a back up plan?

You'll be history the minute she finds some dweeb who ignores her and treats her like he doesn't give a shit... Just like she treats you and then she'll wonder where you went to.

Take back your personal power and dump this twit. Surely you want to be with someone that can't get enough of you.. the opposite to this girl.

You were fine before she came into your life and you'll be even finer once she leaves because you'll have learned that you don't need people in your life that are not loving and respectful.

[TheEvilJester]

Maybe this isn't what you want to hear, but I think it is obvious you need to end it. You deserve much better. To be fair, I will have to admit that my opinion may not be the most un-biased in this situation. You are basically describing me and my ex-wife, back when we were still together. My ex didn't appreciate anything. Never has and never will. She also refuses to hear any opinion that differs from her own. If she hears the word "no" on something, it automatically makes the other person an a-hole, and they are just doing it to deliberately upset her.

Your girlfriend doesn't deserve you. She sounds like my ex, and my ex was a scumbag. Took me long enough to finally realize it. Don't get trapped and waste years of your life on somebody who hasn't deserved you from the start. Everybody deserves to be appreciated. Not only that, but your girlfriend also reminds me of my ex in that she sounds like a giant child. She's not an adult, she's just a much bigger baby. If anything doesn't go her way, she throws a temper tantrum and expects everyone to just bend to her will.

Frankly, my advice would be to kick her to the curb and don't look back. Find yourself a real woman, not a sorry excuse for a human being, undeserving of a singe milli-second of your time.

But... again.... maybe your story just hits too close to home for me.

[XyOh]

I usually tout that communication will solve all problems, but this is a circumstance where you are unable to communicate because it sounds like your girlfriend refuses to participate. You should try to talk things out, but when the other person is unwilling no matter how much you try, this is an obvious sign that things are going down hill and that it's time to walk away.

You can start your conversations by asking her conversations as to how she feels trapped. What specifically does "trapped" mean to her? Does it mean she feels like she doesn't have enough alone time? Does she not enjoy the time she spends with you? Asking questions and listening will hopefully get something out of her without her getting upset. If she starts to get upset simply because you're asking questions about the relationship, then this means she does not want to communicate with you because she wants to hide how she really feels. If this is the case, it sounds like you need to end things. People don't always need to end relationships if communication doesn't work, but in your case, it's leading to misery and it's time to cut the cord.

why would she not just break up with me if she didn't love me or didn't want to be with me?

At this point it can be a variety of things - none of them good. My first impression is that she enjoyed your relationship at first, but now she's in it because it's convenient. People that are in relationships of convenience tolerate the other person because they still fulfill their need for companionship and affection. They are no longer emotionally invested in the person, but don't see a reason to break up because they are still receiving some level of reward from the relationship. Being in a relationship simply to BE IN A RELATIONSHIP gives her a sense of stability. But stability without passion, love, or excitement means that it's only a matter of time before she trades you in for something that inspires more out of her.

Another reason is that she holds all the power in your relationship and she's lorded it over you to the point where she resents you. How does this work? You have no limitations to the abuse you're willing to receive. It started out with her flexing her muscles and you submitted. She flexed her muscles more and you submitted more. The more you submitted, the more she disrespected you for not standing your ground when it came to the standards you wanted in a relationship for yourself. She is now to a point where she doesn't respect you at all. She hasn't cut you loose because she knows you haven't done anything worthy of it yet. But that doesn't mean she won't. All she needs is a trigger because she doesn't think you're worth keeping and she might have been subconsciously waiting for that trigger. This fight might have been exactly that.

Is there potential to save this kind of relationship? Possibly. But not probable. And honestly, I don't really see how if she's not willing to talk.

why would she string me along? thats the thing I just don't get and thats why I have stuck with it even through the mistreatment.

It's not her responsibility to determine what's good for you, it's yours. She's stringing you along because you're still with her - this communicates that you find her behavior tolerable and that she can continue with it. I've felt strung along before and as much as I blamed him for stringing me along, I now know that you can't depend on other people to take what's best for you into heart. They assume (and rightfully so) that you're the person who can make that judgement call. They'll only do what's best for them.

Where do her feelings of feeling trapped come from? could I have done anything to make her feel so trapped and closed in that she can barely even communicate with me without feeling trapped or overwhelmed?

This is something you should be asking her. If she can't answer with specifics, then there's something wrong her. Get every question to address every detail. What does "trapped" mean to her exactly? Get the precise definition of this word. She needs to give you details. If she can't, she's hiding her feelings and not respecting you as an equal in the relationship. Time to leave.

do you think this is her personality and then how she treats all the people she is in a relationship with or just me?

Does that really matter? She's treating you this way. Why do you care how she treats others? If she treated everyone the exact same way, that STILL would not make her worthy to you. Don't sell yourself short. She needs to learn that healthy relationships don't function this way if this is her norm. You might have to be the one that teaches her that by leaving her.

its really not fair if she didn't love me anymore she should have just broken up with me so i know.

Why is HER love contingent on YOU breaking up with HER? Is there nothing that will get you to leave a woman you love short of her blatantly cheating on you or discontinuing contact all together? What are your standards for what you're willing to put up with? Where do YOU draw the line?

[lalalita]

She has the upper hand in the relationship. The sick ego boost that gives certain types of people is usually enough to keep them in the relationship. She can literally do whatever she wants and still have you pining after her. Why break up with you when she gets to act single with the added perk of having someone around when *she* wants? She sounds a lot like one of my ex's.

She wants her cake and to eat it too.

And I agree with Wakeup 100%. You tried to live together and failed. Why on earth would you be holding on to this? To what end? Isn't the goal of a relationship to eventually spend your lives together? If you're hoping she is going to change her mind in time, you're very wrong.

You're weak and she knows it. You tried standing up for yourself and told her you wouldn't contact her until she apologized...and then contacted her. Your threats are empty and she knows that too.

You sound just like how I used to be with the above mentioned ex.

Please break this cycle. I wasted 5 years. It only gets worse. I wouldn't be surprised if she's cheating on you.

There is a girl out there who is going to love and appreciate you and who won't be able to get enough of you. It's not her.

[rest77]

You both once lived together, but she moved out, because she felt trapped by You ( A woman who is supposed to be your future wife as you imagine it to be ) . And the story just goes on and on.....

She is NOT a future partner for you and you know it with all your heart! But somehow, you are still in denial which is really sad.

Well, let us know when she start loving you back, maybe you can change her.