Help... I cannot move on

[Lunilady15]

I am not proud of this..infact so ashamed not shared with another soul...five years ago I started an affair with a co-worker, a divorcee, confessed his feelings he had for me...a married woman of ten years...to be fair to him he never expected reciprocity. We worked closely and had lot of regard and respect for each other humanly and professionally.we were drawn closely and I feel more deeply in love. My marriage had been dead pretty much before I'd even met him but being with him made me realize what companionship and the real thing meant. He too claimed he loved me and it was understood that we'd be together when the right moment came, causing as little lateral damage as possible. My husband lived in his own world, communication between us was almost nil and living in separate cities we met rarely. We'd stopped having I never had sex with my partner or went on romantic dates. There was a lot of chatting, sharing through conversations at work and texts. The physical thing was not important and we thought it would happen when it did. I must also say that he brought out a lot of work pressure on me, sometimes causing me great grief and misusing his superior position. Six months ago he relocated and I was supposed to join him in his new work place. I too gave up my current post and was to join him there. I was to get a divorce which would not come as any surprise to my husband. We kept in touch by phone, I visited his new workplace and my job was almost fixed. My husband was quite keen that I should go as I was getting a better deal. Then one day out of the blue my affair partner broke all contact. No calls, texts mails and no response to those sent by me. That was six months ago. Now I know his game. Had no intention of realizing the future he claimed he wanted but I am humiliated, angry, jobless, living in limbo in a dead marriage. Don't tell me what I did was wrong. I know that... Not an hour passes without remorse and guilt. Going crazy with regret, he's moved on and flaunting his new connections...while I'm filled with self loathing and bitterness. Just sharing...can't do it with anyone in person.
I am add that my remorse and guilt is not because I have been unfaithful... I lived in a dead marriage for too long and that is my fault...my remorse is that I, a successful intelligent career woman, let myself get into this situation and let myself get used, abused and discarded.

[chinagirl]

It happens that sometimes a person makes the wrong decision in life but it's not the end of the world for you. You need to get up, forgive yourself and get going. Learn from your mistakes.

You know what they say, "what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger".

Either do something to repair your relationship with your husband or leave your unhappy marriage. Find a job and spend more time with family and friends. You need them now more than ever for support.

Good luck.

[michelle23]

Affairs rarely work out so im not surprised he bailed.. I hope you learned its not the answer to your marital problems. The only solution to a "dead marriage" is to leave and it should be before you line up a new man.

Get a job, a flatmate, move out, get divorced in that order. Do things right this time. The only person you should be angry at is yourself.

You were cheating on your husband so the new man didnt trust you. Thats why he bailed

[Erinesia]

I think the affair offered you an escape from your lifeless marriage and it gave you hope for a better future. What you really needed to do was to find the strength to extricate yourself from your dead marriage first before seeking a relationship. But, of course, leaving a marriage with no one waiting for you is very difficult. I understand what you are going through because I had a dead marriage too and I thought about lining up a relationship before I left. It's very frightening to step out on your own. But it's what you need to do although I think you probably now need to find a job first.

I hope you will find the strength to somehow sort out your life. Things will be much better if you do. I am sending you love and hugs to do this.

[milk&honey]

It's okay to make mistakes, everyone does. You've got to pick yourself up and move on. You're a better person now because you realize your mistakes. I hope everything works out for you.