Do feelings go away with time?

[Prodigal]

Hello again. Sorry about the hiatus (well, it may be a bit long to call a hiatus). This is pertaining to my situation.. I don't know how many of you know (and most who do are the older members, I'm supposing). But, I'd love to hear opinions from anybody. Here goes... (the things leading up to here are going to be left out, as it is way too long and have kinda been said here at an earlier date)

I'm going with a friend to San Francisco. There, I will meet a girl I have been talking to for a year and a half now. The girl who had me in that 'rush' for a while, whom I've had my rough patches with, and had them come back together. We have gone through a lot together. At one time I was almost sure I loved her. Now, I know that I like her a lot, but love? I don't know.

I've been looking forward to this day ever since a few weeks after talking for the first time. The thoughts of this day before would make me so happy, so hopeful... and now that 'dreams' are coming true, why am I so sad? We still talk nearly every day, usually for an hour or more. And it's the same as it has ever been. Nothing has changed in the relationship between us, really.

Something tells me that this is about the other girl in question... the girl who lives even farther away. I haven't talked to her in a couple months, I think. I started to think of her less and less, and concentrated on this other girl. However, she never escaped my mind for good. And now, I'm finding that this girl may be the reason I'm sad that I'm meeting the other.

She lives way too far away. She hasn't been online in a month, at least not when I've been on. And even before then, we only talked sparingly due to our limited availability.

Then why is it that whenever I get sad, I think of this girl, and not the one I talk to all the time, who I'm going to see in a week? Why is it that when I see something beautiful, I think of her? I don't get it... I know that back then, my feelings were very strong towards her... and that it was most likely mutual.

Maybe I was stupid in thinking that feelings become dormant or go away when there hasn't been contact in so long.

Comments? :\

[Only-virgins]

So whats your question? Do feelings go away? ..Isn't time the greatest healer as they say? Time heals all right?

[Ellynn]

Its a fact that we sometimes long for what we can't have. The other girl is available to you so thats why your not psyched up.

I think we always have feelings somewhat....but they do get easier to deal with ....in time. There was a guy in my life for a few years......up until last year. He moved away....and even though I know we will never be together....he still crosses my mind from time to time. Was it hard to move on? Yes at first it was.....but now I realize that I have to. You can't really dwell too much on the past..... Otherwise your setting yourself up for loneliness. I mean its good to give other people a try..... What is there really to lose? If anything you might meet someone who makes you happier in the long run..

[Prodigal]

Ellynn- However, does that lead to regret? Saying you must move on, and what not. It's sorta like, I think this girl was/is very good for me (the one who lives farther away)... in that I mean we connected on a very unique level. We 'clicked'. By moving on, do you feel like you're.. I don't know.. settling? Settling for something smaller? I don't know...

[Chlorine]

Prodigal----"However, she never escaped my mind for good. And now, I'm finding that this girl may be the reason I'm sad that I'm meeting the other."

It's hard to forget someone you really like. You can suppress the feelings, try and block them, but rest assured...something will always trigger it. If you really have no chance with this girl who lives far away, do you still want to carry a torch for her? If you want to get on with life, and there's someone else on the scene, than forget about the girl who lives far away. Stop hoping.

[Fawn]

In the end I don't think long distance relationships are a healthy thing. They rarely ever work out. Why not find someone that lives in your city?

Anyways, you've lost that connection with that other girl and now your thinking "am I losing something important?" You aren't. It wasn't a relationship to start with. Just 2 ppl talking on the internet. Get over it, life goes on.

[shh!]

I have been in this situation, too. I "clicked" with a man who couldn't possibly be less available to me. We are both married to very nice people, and he (get this!) is a rabbi!! I worked with him quite a bit for a year (and no, we never even touched each other) , and then he moved away. That was about 5 years ago, and I still think about him from time to time, and yeah, if I think about him too much, I get a little sad. So I guess the answer to your question is that feelings diminish with time, but so far for me, they haven't disappeared entirely.

As for the "settling" part, well, I don't think that "swept off your feet, love of my life" kind of feeling comes around more than maybe two or three times in your whole life if you are a mature adult. (My opinion.) And if you DO find that person and make a relationship with them, that feeling will eventually fade anyway. My rabbi friend gets to remain "the love of my life" in my mind probably only because we were never able to pursue an intimate relationship. He will forever be perched upon a pedastal in my head, and that's not too bad a place to be.

What ever happened to the girl on the beach, Prodigal?

Oh, and welcome back.
:-)

[Chlorine]

shh!----"My rabbi friend gets to remain "the love of my life" in my mind probably only because we were never able to pursue an intimate relationship. He will forever be perched upon a pedastal in my head..."

There's so much truth in your statement. The person remains perfect in our eyes; never tainted....a beautiful memory.

[shh!]

A beautiful memory... that it is! But bittersweet, too.

I don't know why I posted that; it is the most intimate thing I've written on these boards. And to think, whaywardj isn't even around to read it...

[Prodigal]

And if you DO find that person and make a relationship with them, that feeling will eventually fade anyway.

Do you think so? I can't really give an opinion myself, because I haven't experienced that. I'm fairly sure that the feeling goes away (I call it the 'rush')... but after the dust settles, do you think that going with one of these people would make a deeper, more meaningful relationship than with someone in which this feeling did not occur? Of course, the feeling does not last forever. That's something that couldn't be wished for by staying with one person. But feeling absolutely (or as close to as possible) right or satisfied with a person... I think that could happen. And I wonder if it is this type of person that you have that with.

What ever happened to the girl on the beach, Prodigal?

She IS the other girl in question. The one that I don't get to talk to so often. Who lives really, really far away. About the beach- I can't believe that I said that on the forums, heh. And that someone actually remembered.. wow. I guess that's the 'dreamer' in me. 'Realism' and 'idealism' are starting to clash in my romantic situation. Something tells me that you can only have one, and not the other (realism = relationship, not the ideal person. idealism = the ideal person, no relationship. Really corresponds to another recent thread on the forum). I probably would have just given up completely if I hadn't seen couples who fit both. The ideal (or close to ideal) person, they're in a relationship and incredibly happy (not to mention it's lasting). I've seen it with some of my friends. And now that I see it is possible, it makes me want to clutch on for some reason.

[shh!]

after the dust settles, do you think that going with one of these people would make a deeper, more meaningful relationship than with someone in which this feeling did not occur?

I don't know. I had "that feeling" one other time (my first boyfriend) and he turned out to be a jackass. Really, I think it is nothing more than chemistry, and it does fade over time. However, you are left with the most beautiful memories, which either help to sustain you through the harder times in your relationship, or make you bitter about not being able to sustain them, depending on your maturity level. In any case, I think there are many people who marry without having experienced that level of passion, and they still have deep, meaningful relationships, which after all, develop over time. And besides, very passionate love can turn to very passionate hate at the turn of a dime.

How old are you? (I can't remember!) Because if you are young, I would probably try to hold out for the works, at least for a while. If you are a little older, you might want to reconsider just how important that transitory feeling is to you. I think its importance is pretty individual.

Also, why is the beach girl living so far away? (I don't know why I was under the impression that she was a local friend-of-a-friend.) Does she know you feel this way about her?

[artyemi]

Hey Prodigal.. welcome back..

[Prodigal]

Because if you are young, I would probably try to hold out for the works, at least for a while. If you are a little older, you might want to reconsider just how important that transitory feeling is to you. I think its importance is pretty individual.

Also, why is the beach girl living so far away? (I don't know why I was under the impression that she was a local friend-of-a-friend.) Does she know you feel this way about her?

Agreed with the first part of your post, so I didn't quote it. There isn't much I can add.

Hold out for the works... you mean to wait, right? Or to not give up hope yet. Hm... (By the way, I know I'm younger than most of the 'regulars' here).

Oh, the beach girl. Hah, I mixed things up. I had to look back in the posts... I was thinking of something else. Oh yeah, I analyzed my own feelings and found out that I didn't like her as more than a friend. I guess it was just something in the moment, or that day. But it didn't really last past that.. at least for me. I think she feels the same. Oh, and yeah, she's one of my friends, and I know her in real life. Sorry about that mix up.

[shh!]

A (By the way, I know I'm younger than most of the 'regulars' here). .

You don't sound like it..

[Don99]

Feelings will fade in time, yes. Everyone is different though, I heard a long time ago it takes half the time a relationship lasted to get over it(they said this on Sex and the City too ). They isn't a bad estimate but your milage may vary.

I was with a girl for 3 years, it got to the point where we talked about where we would settle down after college and such. At one point I loved her more than anything in the world. Eventually it ended but it was for the better. Now I feel nothing toward her at all, I rarely if ever think about her.

Not sure if you want to get over this other girl or not, but my advice if you do is just to not talk to her at all, not as a friend, nothing. It will take care of itself.