In love with my housemate and friend of 3 years, help!!!

[g_girl]

Hi there, I'm a first time user and I never thought to use a forum before for this kind of thing but I'm so all over the shop and can't even seem to express this to my closest friends for fear of looking like a complete idiot, so here I am! Please give this a read, i really need some help and I'm going to be really honest about every detail because I've mentioned this to people before but withheld too much for them to actually give me any real advice.

I live in a house with a couple of people, one of which I've lived with for three years now, and in the last year I've completely fallen in love with him. It's so insane! The entire time I've known him and lived with him I've had a boyfriend, so he's only known me to have a boyfriend my entire life i guess. But I recently broke up with my boyfriend a couple of months ago because things were A) falling apart for our own day-to-day reasons & B) I can't get my housemate out of my head, which is probably the biggest reason (which the ex-boyfriend doesn't know because I'm obviously not going to voice that out loud and hurt him when nothing is even happening).

The entire time I've had a boyfriend my housemate has been single and pretty much had no serious relationships, he's dated a few girls but nothing stuck, which made me think maybe I could make something happen or even broach the subject with him and 'make my move'. In any case i figured us both being single at the same time would be interesting and maybe lead to something. So here's when shit gets a little too 'movie-of-the-week' for my liking - literally the same night I broke up with my boyfriend, my housemate had a girl around who he'd been dating that I didn't know of, and now it's months later and they're an item. I'm literally dying being in my house. It's pretty shattering, an he even said to me how crazy it was that just as I broke up with my boyfriend he got together with his girlfriend on the same night (shoot me now).

Over the years we've flirted, which I'm sure isn't in my imagination, we're very similar - cynical about the same things and upfront about the same things, and it's always seemed like there's a little something going on (which in the beginning was more of an 'on-the-side' dose of flirtation for me outside of my boyfriend). We're those typical people that take the piss out of each other, making jokes about each others dating and sex lives and eating habits etc. We watch movies together all the time and talk shit 24-7, we even watch freakin damsons creek together and pay out Joey & Pacey (which is actually the best fun because he's watching it with me). I know every single thing about him and vice-versa and if i have another sex dream about him i might just shoot myself :| And even though we're two peas in a pod, we've never physically touched. We don't hug or cross any lines and on the odd occasion that our hands touch (if he passes me something etc) it's always a bit awkward, which might just be on my end but who bloody knows anymore!

I guess i just need some help on where to go from here. Sticky situation seeing as we live together. Maybe i should move out and move on!? I've tried moving on, dating around etc but in the end my going on dates has been more of a mission to make my housemate jealous, and i've gotten a bit of a reaction out of him each time and he's asked questions and made jokes etc, but i've cut that out because obviously, that's crazy! His girlfriend is currently overseas, no idea when she gets back, but things are still the same without her in the picture - we're still dancing around each other and talking shit. So I don't think i can stand this weird limbo anymore and i really miss having someone to feel tingly about and know for sure that they feel tingly about me too. I don't know if i want to spend this long pining for him and hoping something might happen, especially when the feelings might just be on my end and nothing might ever come of it! I could do what most people would suggest and fess up my feelings, but i'm waaaaaay too chicken for that, we live together and he's seeing someone and we've been friends for so long so you can see how awkward that would be. He knows I'm a jealous kind of person and i'm sure my slight hating on his stupid girlfriend (yes i know, how petty) hasn't skipped his notice, but he probably thinks that's more of a protective friend/housematey type thing because he hasn't mentioned it. Anyway i might die when his girlfriend gets back so i really need to sort my shit out before then. I don't want to be the crazy girl, I'm usually very laid back but lately i feel like i'm being eaten alive, so any tips on what i should do or can do to move on or get what i want would be ridiculously appreciated!
Sorry for the novel!

[TablesandChairs]

You have a few options...

Take the 'you only live once' approach: tell him the truth or start obviously hitting on him. He'll either a) take you up on it or b) tell you his has a girlfriend and that he's not interested in you 'in that way'. You might have to sport a bruised ego for a while if it's the latter.

Take the 'ethical' approach: Think to yourself 'He has a girlfriend and I could never be the slutty house-mate who doesn't respect someone's relationship or boundaries'. This is the nice thing to do, but it'll leave you with that 'what if' feeling.

Take the 'sly' approach. Start dressing sexily, ramp up your hair/make-up start and talking about the various dates you're going on/the men you're dating (spend some time making up fictional characters and scenarios). Do subtly provocative things without being obvious. Also start displaying your qualities - if you're a good cook, start cooking more. Bake some amazing cookies. If this sounds anti-feminist, it's because it is. But hey.

The 'waiting game' approach: Do the above and bide you're time...might not work out with his girlfriend and when it doesn't, you'll be there, baking cookies and showing cleavage.

Or, the reflection approach: is he really that great? Have you had enough time to heal/learn from your last relationship? Is it worth ruining a good friendship/house-mate situation? Maybe get out there and date some available men (look online if need be) and see what happens, don't limit yourself to this one house-mate who is already in a relationship.

Overall, just relax - men can sense desperation and if what they say about men liking to be the 'hunters' is true, then a woman who is overly available may be subconsciously unappealing. Don't make any negative remarks about his girlfriend - it just puts you in 'crazy jealous woman' category and will make his girlfriend look that much more appealing. Don't misread signals to justify your own feelings; look at things objectively. If he's chatting to his girlfriend a lot, talking about her in a positive way and displaying the tell-tell signs of being in love with someone (and missing them as the case may be if she's overseas), then it's best to remain distant.

[g_girl]

Wow thanks so much that was ridiculously helpful! Helps to have an outside opinion to put it into perspective, i already feel less crazy just reading over a non-crazy opinion, puts it into perspective a bit more. You're right about the desperation thing, i don't want to be that person, i think i should try let go and date around and hopefully that helps. Maybe moving out is a smart option, i have a friend i could move in with at the end of the year which is enough time to make sure i'm not just being like this because of my recent break up.

I've not said anything outrightly negative about his girlfriend, he asked me what i think of her and i said she seems really nice and pretty cool (which she is but ahhhhh how painful for me), but other than that he's never said anything else to me about her or ever bought her up in a conversation, so now i find it weird to even ask him about her and how they're doing :S its kind of a no-go topic which is uncomfortable. thanks for the advice, keep it coming!