I Feel Lost...

[ClosedEyes]

This is going to be a long thread and I apologize for that but I have a lot to explain and need some advice from people especially who have dealt with trust issues and who have/are in long term relationships. I will try to sum up in places I can and get to the point.

This September will be 8 years of being with my boyfriend. We have had pretty much typical relationship issues that range from lack of sex, sex not being fulfilling, not spending enough time together, trust issues and lack of cleaning on his part.

Most of the issues are resolved, we now have a good sex life. We do not do it as much as I would like but he does get me off first every time now which is a bonus for me. The cleaning is up and down but he does work over 40 hours, sometimes 70 hours some weeks so I try not to bother him about it anymore since I only work part time.

Now to the big picture or big issue that still is ongoing for me... A little over a year ago it felt like we were growing apart. He was staying up late because of us being on different shifts. Which is fine he does that but it became constant, even when we were on same shifts but I was tired and wanted to go to bed. We were talking less, spending less time together and our sex life was almost non existent. I had invaded his privacy 2 times prior to this event by reading his facebook messages. Yes I know I am in the wrong for doing that but had discovered him talking to his 18 year old co worker and there was some very light flirting going on. One night he even came home 3 hours late because he was at work messaging her. So while he was messaging her I was logged into his FB watching the whole conversation and my heart sank, I wanted to scream. They were talking about their pasts and he said "I want to see you naked" to this day he denies it and says that I don't know what I saw but that is what I saw. However she changed the conversation to movies.

Anyways he came home and I tried to break up with him but we ended up working it out. Things were fine but then issues showed up again of no sex, and no time together. We live together by the way so spending time together should be easy. So the second time around I did something very bad that I never thought I would do. I ended up putting software on his computer that took screen caps of what he was doing and keystrokes, etc. I was spying to see what he was doing.

I noticed he was watching porn after I went to bed which isn't a huge deal we both watch porn but I never do if hes home, if hes home I go to him. So that upset me as it explained why we were not having sex. Then one day it showed he was viewing a photo. I recognized it as a picture of his ex and her friend in the shower. Shortly after that naked pictures of his ex showed up along with some videos of them having sex or him touching her. I was devastated because I did not know he had kept something of his ex. That night walking home from work I asked him if he had videos of her and he lied to my face 5 times in a row... So I said "I found them" And he said "What do you mean?" So then I had to tell him I had this software on his computer and that was how I knew. The conversation quickly was turned around on me and him saying if it happened again he didn't think he could recover. He told me he didn't feel man enough for me for looking at his exs pics and admitted he was masturbating to them but couldn't get off and was taking a trip down memory lane. He said he was sorry for hurting me and later on he damaged the disc infront of that contained the videos and photos of her.

He is the only person I have slept with so I never take trips down memory lane so to speak. I wouldn't of lost as much trust if he had of just admitted to the pictures but he open face lied to me 5 times. From that moment on our relationship grew way to much tension.

So the new issue is good old snapchat. I never heard of this app until recently. A while back I was on his phone and a notification came up that I did not recolonize that said "Mary sent a snap" I tried to look at it but had no idea how to use the app so didn't. I read up on snapchat and put it on my phone and added him. Mary was his best friend on snapchat then one other name underneath. We had a huge fight about a month ago over his constant snap chatting of this girl who is friends with a female co worker. It was not just that though it was the distance growing between us. I never told him but started checking his phone again.

Most of his conversations with Mary are not that bad but she openly does seem to try and flirt with him and instead he says "Won't your boyfriend be home soon to cuddle you" or something on those lines. Snapchat erases the pictures so I can only assume hes telling the truth and it is pictures of their faces, food and the cats. He did show me a couple pics that were sent that seemed fine. This girl is [URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1]#1[/URL] on his snapchat every week. I am trying not to let it bug me but it does. There also is times I might send him a message and he seems to ignore it for a while and talk to her instead. I wouldn't care but like if he said "Will talk later" instead of making me wait over an hour while he messages the other girl with 3-5 minutes apart to their messages.

As far as I can tell nothing is going on with this girl but I have seen a lot of texts where she is bitching about her boyfriend to my boyfriend and he gives advice or comforts her. Hes like this with all friends he makes, open door policy.

He says hes been invited to her house but never goes because of me... So that made me feel like a pile of crap. In our fight he tried to say I didn't want him to have friends but I did not say that. I just felt like if I put him first because he is my common law husband he should do the same for me. Or at least make some effort perhaps? But hey maybe I am in the wrong, I don't know...

This is my first long term relationship for this long of time so I really do not know what is normal. He has hurt me though with some of the stuff that happened. And I know I hurt him by snooping.

He works a crazy amount and we on average have 1 day off together a week and that is the only time we do anything. Nights we are home at the same time we do nothing. It is not a huge deal but it feels like he is bored with me. And the fact that 90% of the time we could of did a small activity but instead he was texting or snapchatting her is frustrating. He has other female friends but this is the only one he is constantly keeping up with.

I also want to point out I have a male friend I have known for 18 years that I spend time with off and on. My boyfriend knows this and doesn't care. In fact he doesn't get jealous over anything... Anyways this girl Mary he has known for less than a year and shes 19 and he is 27... Something feels off about it but maybe I am in the wrong with everything. He met Mary through a couple who are 19 as well. We actually hung with this couple and I have no strange feelings towards them and don't mind he texts them, mainly the female.

I wouldn't care if he knew her for years but shes a newer person in his life. I am trying not to be jealous but I can't help it. Her texting problems to him is how a lot of emotional cheating starts. Not that it would lead there but it could. How would this make you feel? You other people who are in long term relationships or are experiencing something similar. I want to be with him but sometimes its hard knowing that he is always talking with this other girl.

I guess I am just to the point now of needing to make a move. I get so depressed over this sometimes and just feel worthless or not good enough. I think the issue also is that we are different people he is more outgoing then me but is a homebody like me. I am not outgoing and a homebody... But yeah someone please tell me what you think of this because I am pretty lost...

[ClosedEyes]

Anyone have any advice or suggestions? Would be appeicated