This guy I was friends with suddenly seems to have shut me out of his life...?

[Vanessa21590]

This guy I was friends with for a few years suddenly seems to have shut me out of his life for no reason that I am aware of. We never actually dated or anything throughout our friendship- I waited a bit when we were hanging out to see if something might move further with our friendship but he seemed to never make Any moves or anything. He would make Comments and things towards me that were flirtatious and that's what always kept me thinking he may want to be more than friends but than nothing. He would say things like, I love you Vanessa, I really do, stuff like that. He would say I was beautiful, and that my future husband is so lucky, things like that. I always had to reach out to him and he would never imitate any contact ( is the way it seemed) after about two years of this up and down stuff, I kind of moved on with another guy and another year later I married my husband. We are happy now but anytime anyone ever asked me how this person is or have we talked I say, you know not really And it seems that anytime I talk to him he is very short with me, not the same, if he sees me out somewhere he literally avoids me it seems. My feelings are kind of hurt now because it seems like he is done with our whole friendship totally out of the blue...No goodbye, No explanation, No nothing?? Should I just take him out of my life completely too?

[lost_man]

I may be projecting because of an incident in my past, but I will give you my thoughts.

He liked you and was too shy/insecure to do anything about it other than make passive comments. In fact if you talked for a while he may well have even loved you more deeply than you know.

When you moved on, as indeed you had to, it will have broken his heart and felt like a breakup to him. He will have hated himself for being the way he was, regretted not acting on it, and have found some way to suppress those emotions so that he can cope and carry on with his day to day life.

Consequently, talking to you or even seeing you stirs up the emotions that he hasn't overcome yet, so he avoids you so that he doesn't have to consciously deal with it.

You may feel guilty but you didn't really do much wrong. A lot of girls rationalise away attention from men because it meets some need you have for attention or whatever, and it feels like a friendship. You are married now though and for the sake of both of you and to help him move on, I would suggest that you tell him you have realised why he doesn't want to be friends anymore and that you are going to respect that and stop contacting him.

Don't let yourself believe that you can be just friends again because that is very unlikely. If you want to contact him one day because you truly have unresolved feelings for him and want to see if there could be a relationship there then that would be different, but other than that I'd move on.

[Wakeup]

You're happily married and you and he don't have anything in common anymore.
I'm sure your husband wouldn't like you having chat sessions with another man nor would he want you hanging out one on one doing date like activities with another man either even if you DO say its platonic. For sure he wouldn't care for you doing any of the above things with a man you clearly had some kind of infatuation/lust for.

Yes. Stop reaching out to this guy and if you happen to see him on the street say a friendly hello and then keep moving on. He's a part of your past now so leave him there.

Why he stopped the friendship is irrelevant.

[dontaskme]

This guy I was friends with for a few years suddenly seems to have shut me out of his life for no reason that I am aware of. We never actually dated or anything throughout our friendship- I waited a bit when we were hanging out to see if something might move further with our friendship but he seemed to never make Any moves or anything. He would make Comments and things towards me that were flirtatious and that's what always kept me thinking he may want to be more than friends but than nothing. He would say things like, I love you Vanessa, I really do, stuff like that. He would say I was beautiful, and that my future husband is so lucky, things like that. I always had to reach out to him and he would never imitate any contact ( is the way it seemed) after about two years of this up and down stuff, I kind of moved on with another guy and another year later I married my husband. We are happy now but anytime anyone ever asked me how this person is or have we talked I say, you know not really And it seems that anytime I talk to him he is very short with me, not the same, if he sees me out somewhere he literally avoids me it seems. My feelings are kind of hurt now because it seems like he is done with our whole friendship totally out of the blue...No goodbye, No explanation, No nothing?? Should I just take him out of my life completely too?

Jeez, you're a married woman for crying out loud! Why do you even care about what this guy is doing to you?

[ianinmd2010]

That's a childish way to behave on his part and he sounds emotionally immature. It's time to move on and enjoy your new life with your husband.

[Vanessa21590]

I understand that I am married, and I have spoken to my husband about this situation. He feels like he is totally an outsider looking into this whole thing. He has never met this guy, and he was never a part of my life when we were together, and as I stated, I am not really asking this because I want something romantic to come out of this. I feel like just because I got married does not mean that I have to never speak to or have to loose any guy that I have ever been friends with. I always felt like we had come and gone on there ever being any hope to an actual relationship romantically between us. I gave him a lot of time and plenty of chances to make something happen between us or to acknowledge anything between us when we were hanging out and he never did-which made me assume that he really only wanted a friendship and when I came to that realization I was okay with that, especially when my life moved on and I did find someone who I do love more than anything.

On the other hand, through it all, we were always there for one another in some way and this whole switch of an attitude just came so out of left field and just leaves me feeling torn because I hate when anyone that I care about is mad, or hurt, because of something I did or said, Male or female I would never want someone to just throw away our friendship with no reason. I simply feel like there is no closure-and thats what led me to kind of research and reach out to others to see if this is normal behavior or if maybe I did do something and need to apologize, I just don't know what to think about the situation. I was simply looking for some outside opinions as to whether this has happened to others. I am fine with never speaking to him again, or at least till he feels we should speak again-but it does leave me feeling sad that all that we had is just gone-like it never happened. I have always ended relationships and even friendships with reason, and closure so the chapter is just closed-bookend to bookend.

[lost_man]

What are you talking about?

This guy does not want contact with you. Respect that. You are married. Respect that too.

You can't go through life fixating on some need to neatly wrap your emotions up in a bow at the expense of other people, it's horribly entitled behaviour and would eventually piss me off if I were your husband.

Your relationship with your former "friend" went sour, people got hurt, it's nobody's "fault"...it's just life. Accept it that you may hurt people and they may hurt you. He'll recover, it's ok.

You have to prioritise. Enjoy your husband, focus on making the two of you happy.

[Fifine]

I was in a similar situation once. A guy from the guitar class we both attend approached me and it seemed he wanted to be friends. He would help me with the guitar stuff, act and speak really nice, we hanged out together too.
One day he said he likes me and wanted to be in a relationship with me. I politely refused because I honestly don't want or need a boyfriend. I told him he is really nice and cool and he would have no problems getting any girl he wants.
After that, he blocked me out for good. He still says hi, but that's it. I did not push either because I understand and respect his feelings.
You should do the same.