Being ignored by the boyfriend after an arguement

[mindymoo]

Hello fellas!

This is my very first post and I'm in a rubbish situation between me and my boyfriend.

We have been together for roughly 9 months and we have had our ups and we have certainly had our downs.

The past few weeks I've been having this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something hasn't been right. I started to think that he didn't really seem interested in anything I was doing and I started to think that the relationship was incredibly one sided i.e. me constantly travelling up to his house and him never coming down to mine, me being the one who was always suggesting things to do/days out. I have never really been able to communicate to him because if I say that I'm not happy about something he has said or done or that his behaviour wasn't appropriate he throws strops and then doesn't talk to me. He keeps saying he loves me and that he's happy but I think he's happy because of the minimal effort he seems to be putting in. We barely see each other due to work/sporting commitments. Two weeks ago, I commented to him saying that I miss our weekends together and he didn't really have much to say to it. I said to him that it almost seemed like he didn't care to which he decided to not speak to me for the remainder of the evening.

Last week, I stayed over his and I admit to being distant with him during the day as I was feeling a little emotional and I was out with my mother so didn't feel like speaking to anyone. I did apologise to him about this and he shrugged it off and we enjoyed the rest of our evening until I just randomly burst into tears. I could see he was getting impatient with me and asked me what was wrong to which I told him I was feeling emotional about certain things and then everything spiralled out of control. I told him that I'm unable to tell him how I feel because I'm scared of the moods he pulls, that he thinks that he is right over everything and can never see where he has gone wrong. He then told me that I have been distant and been pushing him away. I asked him why has he only now told me this to which he didn't answer.

I told him I was sorry about the argument and that the following day would be a fresh start and a new day and to lets not sleep on a fight. He wasn't having any of it and decided to not speak to me. The following morning, I decided to leave as it was quite evident he was still not talking to me. When I arrived home, I gave it a few hours and sent him another text apologising to him and that I hope he has a good day. No reply. A few hours later I found out that he was on a networking/dating site (a lot of people believe this is a knee jerk reaction to that fight we had). I messaged him again saying that we needed to talk to which he replied asking what I wanted. I told him that when he had calmed down and was willing to talk, that we needed to have a chat.

I am now on day 5 of not being spoken.

I put my hands up and admit that I am not the easiest person to be around. I can have my moments. I'm certainly not an angel. I can be stubborn, I can get extremely moody and can be hard work. However, 9/10 I can see where I have gone wrong and I learn from these mistakes in order not to make them again. The one thing that I do do is apologise.

What do I do? I'm not putting my life on hold for him. I'm going to work, I'm going out with friends, I've had a hair cut, I'm going out and I'm doing things but everything is still on the back of my mind.

Do I assume that this has ended? I still have quite a few of his things plus a key to his house.

I'm going along with the theory that everything has ended and that I'm single. I've been told that men act a lot differently than women and it is not uncommon for men to just go and hide for a while after a big argument however, the dating site discovery speaks volumes.

I just need some advice or anything that will help soften the blow.

I genuinely thought this was the person I was going to have a future with. It seems that this isn't the case.

I will look forward to your replies.

mindy x

[dontaskme]

Your relationship is indeed one sided. Break the silence by texting him that you are breaking up with him.. You've done everything you can. He's a douche!

[HeartWeaver]

I can't tell you what to do, except that I am in the same situation as you are right now. My SO think he's right after putting me down and it seems that his feelings matter more than mine.

[mindymoo]

I can't tell you what to do, except that I am in the same situation as you are right now. My SO think he's right after putting me down and it seems that his feelings matter more than mine.

It's horrible isn't it?

I feel like I'm in a period of limbo.

But as far as I'm concerned I am single. If he REALLY cared, I'm sure he would have contacted me by now.

[HeartWeaver]

It's horrible isn't it?

I feel like I'm in a period of limbo.

But as far as I'm concerned I am single. If he REALLY cared, I'm sure he would have contacted me by now.

Yes, that's really sad.

Since he's on a dating site, it is indeed over. Once you put down your foot don't back away unless he puts in a conscious effort to change.

[mindymoo]

It sucks! Especially when he said he loved me that evening.

[HeartWeaver]

It sucks! Especially when he said he loved me that evening.

From my experience (since I once done this too), he's trying to make you feel jealous, so there's a chance that he still feels for you but his ego is getting in the way of communicating with you, which is central to the entire issue. Your problem could have been solved with proper communication.

[TablesandChairs]

Pay attention to how you are being treated - not what you're being told.

He's not as invested or committed as you are and I think you could probably attribute your moodiness to feeling neglected - you know things aren't right so you get emotional, angry - you're looking to see a response from him that might prove he loves you.

If he was the one for you - he wouldn't be on dating sites and he wouldn't have gone no-contact for 5 days. He'd be putting some effort into fixing things. Men aren't that complicated...actually, people aren't that complicating. If they don't give enough of a crap, it shows.

[mindymoo]

Pay attention to how you are being treated - not what you're being told.

He's not as invested or committed as you are and I think you could probably attribute your moodiness to feeling neglected - you know things aren't right so you get emotional, angry - you're looking to see a response from him that might prove he loves you.

If he was the one for you - he wouldn't be on dating sites and he wouldn't have gone no-contact for 5 days. He'd be putting some effort into fixing things. Men aren't that complicated...actually, people aren't that complicating. If they don't give enough of a crap, it shows.

Very wise words. I recently started to realise that sharing and compromising are two things that appear alien to him. Without these, our relationship was never going to work.