Why the childish behavior?

[NotApplicable]

The changes should be for you, for your long term happiness. Not just changes to get her back.

[Zander1ni]

The changes should be for you, for your long term happiness. Not just changes to get her back.

youre 100% correct i am not changing for her in the least. I am living my life and changing for myself the breakup is just what triggered me to finally go get help. I cant sit around waiting for people or trying to change for them

[Zander1ni]

so an update: spoke to her and it seemed pretty civil but indifferent
Alexander:
Hey how are you? Not sure if you're going to Hawaii the same dates we were but if so hope you have a good trip
Erica:
Thanks I will
Alexander:
Good! I'm sure you will How's everything? What's new?

I dont know what to make of the indifferent response from her on one side it seems as if its an improvement from the past messages or its like haha im going on vacation and you arent. Also she didnt respond to any of the questions...being BPD and all idk how quickly things change in her mind or if i should be reaching back out to her...

[lost_man]

I am going to be blunt, for a change

It seems to me that in a couple of your comments in this thread you imply you understand the sensible advice you are being given, but in reality it is only lip service and you intend to keep on trying to get her back. The things she said to you should be a red flag for anyone with healthy self esteem.

Stop making changes ostensibly for yourself but in reality they are to get her back. Do it for you and only you. Stop grovelling around her wanting attention and worrying about how to respond to her. Grow a pair and force yourself to process the pain and move on. It will take time but we all have to do it in life.

[Zander1ni]

I am going to be blunt, for a change

It seems to me that in a couple of your comments in this thread you imply you understand the sensible advice you are being given, but in reality it is only lip service and you intend to keep on trying to get her back. The things she said to you should be a red flag for anyone with healthy self esteem.

Stop making changes ostensibly for yourself but in reality they are to get her back. Do it for you and only you. Stop grovelling around her wanting attention and worrying about how to respond to her. Grow a pair and force yourself to process the pain and move on. It will take time but we all have to do it in life.

Well I respect what you have said I am only making changes for me and myself only. The issues I'm getting help for were affecting family relationships long before this relationship/breakup. The breakup pushed me to get help and make changes but wasn't the reason why.

Although I would like her back I'm not putting life on hold. I'm already back dating and keeping busy with surfing and friends. If she can be in my life and I can so something to help that great if not then it is what it is.

Saying this does anyone have any other advice?

[surfhb]

Yeah.....stop all contact with this girl for Christs Sakes!