Friendship or...

[Laportlaci]

Back in January my (at the time) best friend introduced me to a guy friend of hers (at the time too). Intentions were to try and get us to date. We talked a bit and got along well. He knew I was interested in him and it came to a point where I wanted to know how he felt. He asked me out and seemed interested. He said I was a great friend and he wanted me to stay in his life. So I accepted and shifted my mind set to friends only. As that’s what I thought he wanted.

Since then, him and I have hung out ALOT. Pretty much have become best friends. Thing is...he does things now that are not your typical girl/boy friendship. At least not in my experience.

1. He expects us to hang out every weekend. If I'm busy he gets bummed out about it.

2. Anything we do, It’s just me and him. He has offered me to hang out with him and others as well but I was busy. He doesn't spend much time with any other people anyways. Most of his time is with me.

3. He loves to cook, which means he often cooks me dinner. Watch movies at my place. Relax.

4. He always says he loves hanging out with me. If I am busy he mentions later how much he misses our hang outs.

5. If something in my place breaks, he comes to my rescue to fix it.

6. Buys me coffee every morning that he comes over, if we are hanging out for the day.

7. He writes sweet messages on my bathroom mirror with my special markers for windows, etc.
- "Always smile" with a heart
- "You are wonderful" with a heart

and most recent and sweetest:
"May the wind be at your back, and the sun upon your face. And may the winds of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the starts" with a heart and arrow in it.

8. Mentioned asking me to go with him back home on vacation to his parents. But didn't because he knew I wouldn't be able to get away from work right now. (true)

9. Likes to give me front hugs when he leaves.

10. Shows high interest in my sports and wants to come watch.

11. Sends me text quite frequently.

12. Says things like "I had a lot of fun, we need more us time like that." or "I trust you" (and he doesn't trust many people)

Before he said I was a "great friend/stay in his life" we did do things that were flirty...he would ask me for back rubs and shoulder massages. There was one night where we wrestled around on my living room floor...there was a moment where we could have kissed...I waited for him to make that move but, didn't. Was close. The chemistry was there. He always told me "show me you’re interested and we will be fine" which I did...something always told me he was really scared. So when I got the friend response, I was a little shocked. Especially after this.

He knows me pretty well by now. We have the same interests. Get a long very well. Love being in each others company. We have not slept together nor come to that possibility. I have thought about it, I'm sure he has - he male after all lol Some things drive me a little crazy about him but nothing I can't handle. I do like him still...but I'm holding back A LOT of my thoughts/emotions because I don't want to think about it, if there isn't anything there on his part. This to me, is not a typical friendship...something tells me he could be holding back too. Maybe then he wasn't sure because he didn't know me well enough...and now that he does...feelings may have shifted?

Even after saying "friends" we had a convo which brought up the opportunity to see where his thoughts were. Cause I asked him about us dating and he told me some fears. Fear of the relationship or me changing. He has said before that maybe he was waiting for me to make the move. I told him I don't do that, I wait for the man to. (Which I know means: we could be waiting forever lol)

He has never mentioned another girl, or interest in dating another girl while we have been friends. He always says (past tense) he can't find the right woman. All the traits he says he is looking for, are traits I have. Whether he sees that yet, I'm not sure.

Any feedback would be appreciated. We are both 29 and I feel like I'm 16 trying to figure this out. Maybe a little more time to see how things develop is what's required?

[Biziebee]

I'm right there with you girl! In my opinion-- I don't think he would spend all that time or do all those things if he was not interested. Anyway you can hangout, maybe have a drink to make both your guards down, and make a move?

[TheEvilJester]

I actually think I can possibly help. I've always found that I am not at all like normal human beings, and even less like normal men. And yet, I think in this case that actually makes me more qualified to give you my thoughts. The reason for that is all of the things you mention are the sort of things I absolutely would do for a good friend.... but I'd be very reluctant to do so in the case of a female friend I only thought of as a friend because I would not want to give her the wrong impression.

Of course, it could be possible that you have found somebody who actually DOES care that much about his friends. If that is the case, please let me know so I can give you my e-mail address to give to him. LOL! Because, I swear I am often looking for advice in certain things and never know who to turn to because it is hard for people to understand me when they can't relate. (Just as a quick for example, I recently met a girl I really like, but at the moment I only really think of her as a friend. But I really think she would be a great friend, or at least I did, and I sort of always thought I felt a connection with her. She went out of her way to reach out to me, but recently I feel like I am getting the impression she doesn't like me, and I'm not understanding why. I never did anything but try to be a good friend.)

Anyways, I digress. Back to your point. So, to me it sounds like this guy does want to be more than friends. At this point, if he hasn't made the move to try to make that happen, it seems like either he won't, or if he will it may take a while. So, not that you should HAVE to, but there is no problem with you beginning to bring it up. Just kind of ask how he sees the relationship. Are you friends, or does he want more? If you think you can, make it a no pressure sort of thing. Let him know you are fine either way, but just want to know which it is. You have a right to know where you stand. If he wants to be WITH you, then you two should start to explore that. If he just wants to be friends, then you deserve to know that so you can date other people.

So, sure he should make some kind of move if he is interested, but if he seems as though he isn't going to, don't hesitate to do so yourself. Also, don't count that against him. I, for one, have always been extremely shy, so I know how hard that can be to do even at a time when things seem so certain.