he didn't say I love you back...

[yerduaxela]

I have been dating this amazing guy for 5 months now (I'm 24 and he's 26) and everything is going incredibly well. I've met his whole family and friends and we do almost everything together whenever we can. About a month ago I decided to tell him I loved him… but he didn't say it back. His reaction didn't scare me too much as he said "this is a really big deal for me" and when I told him it was fine and he could take his time, he was very concerned to make sure I was ok that he didn't say it back. He told me he thought it was cute how I'd said it and that I didn't have to worry about scaring him away. I know from his background that he's never been in a relationship this long and definitely hasn't been in love before. He's fairly open about his feelings and everything but for some reason he's still holding back from saying those three little words.

His actions speak strongly that he does indeed appear to love me but isn't able to say it aloud just yet. From the kiss goodnight on the forehead to the perfect birthday gift, including me on big decisions to romantic cuddles… it's clear as day to me that he feels loved, safe, comfortable, and pleased with our relationship. But what's stopping him from saying it? He can't be scared that I don't feel the same way because he now knows for sure!

A bought a little tiger (his college mascot) from my grad school bookstore that says "someone at (school's name) loves you," but I haven't given it to him yet. Should I keep waiting for him to take his time or should I try leaving this little tiger in a cute place for him to find and see if that gets him to think?

It was love at first sight for me and although I don't need to hear him say it to know he loves me, it's getting very hard not to say it to him everyday and I want him to really know how much he means to me.

thanks!

[bessieb]

Hi

Try not to worry about this too much, i told my guy i loved him first, early on in our relationship and he didnt say it back either, he just wasnt ready.

I didnt push it with him and i did say it a couple more times as well, because i cant not, i am a very open person and like to share when i love someone or something.

People fall in love at different stages and its actions not words that matter and how we make each other feel. If he makes you feel loved and special, take note of that for now and try not to place too much importance on the words.

You've already given him something to think about by saying it and if you want to give him the mascot then do so. I personally would wait a while because if he's not there yet, you dont want to push it.

Yes its lovely to hear them, but try not to get hung up in it, he will say it when he is ready. Mine did.

[purple_roses]

I find it odd that this guy is 26 years old and has never been in a four month long relationship and refuses to say I love you.

[michelle23]

There is no such thing as "love at first sight". Its called infatuation. Look it up.. your infatuated right now.. not "in love"

Anyway I see a lot of red flags here. 1 hes 26 and never been in a relationship before. 2 he is uncomfortable with his emotions and expressing them 3 hes giving you actions of commitment without the title or taking it a step further so that makes me think hes either not as invested as you or hes keeping his options open. Are you exclusive?

It sounds like he has a fear of commitment or ks emotionally unavailable meaning he will likely bail as soon as the honeymoon period ends. I give it a year max. Your prob gonna get hurt

[yerduaxela]

Thanks for the replies. Let me give a little more background. He studied engineering in college and is one of those people who really committed himself to school and enjoying his friends rather than dating. I've grown very close with his family and college roommate friends and they all say the same thing.. that he didn't prioritize dating and just made time for himself. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Also, he works 60-75 hours a week including several weekends and doesn't have a lot of free time but he gives me as much time as he can.

I do agree about the love at first sight being more of infatuation but I can assure you that I am well past that point. He truly means the world to me and I have never been this happy or felt this way ever before. He makes me feel more complete as a person and has helped me branch out of my shell in more ways than I can count. I'm more confident, outgoing and open to trying new things than I've ever been and I owe a lot of it to him and his positive attitude.

It doesn't seem to me that it's a committment issue at all because we constantly talk about what we will do next year or in five years and have had the talk to ensure we both see marriage and kids in our futures. Yes we are absolutely exclusive.

I hope that clears up a few things. I am in no way afraid that his feelings toward me are short-lasting or untrue. I just believe that it will take him a little more time to truly find his own right time to say it. I love him and he makes me feel more loved than I've ever felt before. He is absolutely worth waiting it out for.

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Also, it's in no way that he's refusing to say it.. I think he's just not ready. He cares very much for his family and friends and made sure to introduce me to all of them quite quickly. He is clearly committed to me without question. He's a great guy and I know everything will be fine.

[pseudosooz]

Sometimes I tell my husband 'I love you' and he responds with 'Thanks!'. He's got this thing about being completely honest. I once asked him if he missed me while I was away, prefacing question with 'I missed you...', and his response was a blunt 'Not really, I was busy'. The same man, nearly cried when he lost his wedding ring, and nearly strangles me with cuddles at night.
Engineers are renowned for being a socially inept subculture. Unless you are being completely delusional, it really sounds like you have nothing to worry about. Chances are though, that he'll say it, but less often than you, for always and ever. So don't let it bother you, and then get used to that.