I'm a clingy girlfriend

[saz]

Hi guys - I'm new to loveforum.net

I'm actually in a really awful situation at the moment and could do with some male advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 2 years. We haven't got a perfect relationship (but who has) but right now it's AWFUL. And it's all my fault. I'm too clingy and he can't handle it any more.

He said to me that if I don't change my ways he will have no choice but to break up with me, and that he isn't going to be nice to me about the situation because I've caused it and if he is nice to me then I won't change my ways. So he now wants me to take some space and time out to start to love myself again, after all you can't be in a loving relationship if you don't love yourself first, right?

However he doesn't think I'm capable of taking time out. He said he doesn't want to give me false hope that our relationship will be amazing in a few weeks... Because he thinks I will still be a clingy girlfriend.

He's very unhappy with me and I can tell that I'm upsetting him because I just can't leave him alone.

I suppose it's really good I can admit all of this - but I desperately need some advice (I want to prove my boyfriend wrong and be able to take time out).

I mean surely if he didn't want to be with me, he would of said by now? - this is my last chance

He will DEFINITELY be annoyed if I text him - but what if I didn't text him for a few days, just a few days of no contact, is that ok? Would he be annoyed that I didn't make an effort? Or would he be pleased I'm actually taking what he wants seriously.

Any advice will be much appreciated.


-
Saz

[Wakeup]

Can you describe in what ways you are "clingy?" Does he give you cause to be insecure?

[vanegar14]

If you think you are too clingy, then maybe he just doesn't love you as much as you love him.
Don't call love clinginess!
Break up with him! You are just making a fool of yourself.
I was in your situation just 2 weeks ago! and now I am happy being single-

[pcmaster]

Well maybe you are just lonely. Meet friends, join groups. Your BF is right about having time for yourself - find hobbies, go to beach, do sports, cook for yourself.

After all some people have diferent needs. What your BF finds clingly other guys will find amazing. How old are you? Maybe you are younger than him thats why this situation. Anyway some people are not suited so its not necessary your fault.

[saz]

I'm 20 and he is 22, he's not my first boyfriend but believe it or not I'm his first girlfriend, I think he really struggles with how intense our relationship can be, this isn't the first time he's asked for space.

I'm not lonely, but I am hurt he doesn't want to spend time with me at the moment.

He doesn't think I'm capable of being independent and not pestering him by texting and calling and asking to see him and wanting to be with him all the time. Which actually insults me... You can do anything if you put your mind to it!

My question is though - he must believe I can go off and take some space and come back when I'm ready? Otherwise he would of broke up with me, right? He says he loves me but he can't be around me at the moment because I'm just not in the right frame of mind for our relationship, he wants me to love myself first before I can begin to love him again.

What should I do? Do I text him? Or should I leave it for a couple of days? I HAVE to do this for me but I also have to prove to him that I can be independent and not some needy clingy girlfriend.

I'm just worried that if I go off and do my own thing without having contact with him, that he wont miss me.

[pcmaster]

Well he will miss you for sure. Dont worry about that. Knew one guy who was 28 and had a 23 year old GF. She texted him like 100 texts a day while he was in hospital. Then it dropped to 50. He said shes very clingy but then again thats normal when you are in your early 20's. What I mean by this its great that someone needs you and your guy is lucky because you need him. Just sometimes people need rest from each other to learn appreciate eachother better. I mean its just like with parrents. They are great but you dont really feel that way until you been longer away from home.

You should become more whole as a person before you can make your guy really happy.

Maybe this will help you

youtube.com/watch?v=K8Exlo4E5v8

[woody]

I think your boyfriend wishes you'd do all these things for yourself. If your one who text's, calls more than once a day and seldom spends time alone or with other people doing other things, well, that's allot of pressure to put on anyone else if their your only outlook so to speak.
Your term 'clingy' is interesting. Is this a term he used or is this your own take on things?
Hey, if he wants space, give it to him without all the second guessing because that's just not healthy for you or him.
He can't be the only thing you do, meaning, he isn't responsible for every minute of your day so prove to him you've got a life. Find a class, do some yoga, go skiing or boarding, make some friends or spend time with some old ones. Go sit in a coffee shop and read a book, do some writing. Prove to him your totally capable of filling your time up with your own inspirations, willing, wanting and capable. And for goodness sake, stop texting or calling multiple times. Self worth lady.
Strong, confident, independent woman; own it. With every step, the next one will become easier; who knows, you might like it, your eyes will open a little more, inspirations will come and the World will open up to you.

[Wakeup]

Op: If you're smart you'll not contact him at all and just see how long it takes him to contact you and see why you've stopped chasing him. Either that or just let him go because it sounds like you like him a lot more then he likes you Or, he likes you as much but he has good personal boundaries and he's confident enough to not tear them down for someone who is not confident and has no personal boundaries.

In the meantime I agree with woody) go out there and join some groups, have a ladies night or two out, start a hobby, join a gym enroll in a class or two. In other words, get a good and interesting life going without him and your need to blow up his phone will diminish.