Trust issue with new guy

[Irena123]

Hi,

I would like to hear some advise or opinion about a situation with a man - thank you.

Basically, I met a men at a conference (we are in the same profession) and we stayed in contact. He has a teenage son (lives with mum) and he was never married. After many emails I went to visit him and it was really nice meeting up and we got a bit together (no sex). He talked about the mother of his child perhaps a wee bit more than I liked but it was okay. The second time I came to visit we went for dinner and he tried to hide that he went to see a female friend with his son the previous saturday who lives about an hour away. I just asked some questions, as "so, your son and the other boy met up, where were you?" And after some strange answers he told me that he spent some time with the mother of his son's friend. I was quite disappointed that he felt to hide this information - there it nothing wrong with having a female friend. Especially, we were just at the very early stages of developing a relationship. After some more questions, he said that they know each other for 15 years but in the past something happened between them. Nowadays, they are friends and if she wanted something he probably would not want to and vice versa. But I had the feeling that there was maybe more to the story.

Now, I am wondering, whether I can trust this man? I am a bit confused because I like him and find him attractive, but my objective judgment is a bit off at the moment.

Thank you very much!

[basilandthyme]

You say that you're in the early stages of developing a relationship. What has he told you about what he's looking for in a relationship with you?

[woody]

At this early stage of a possible blossoming relationship, honesty is key. When little white lies are told right off the get go, there is every reason for concern.
Knowing that a person is honest is one of the most important foundational elements any successful union needs. Without it, well, how can you know?
Perhaps now that he knows your cool with female friends, he'll be forthright with everything. Perhaps he didn't know how you would take it and as you know, many men assume that what we don't know can't hurt us. they forget about our added senses.

Trust must be.

You and this man just started out. Give him a chance. See what happens and enjoy the romance. Just see how it goes. You've shared your level of understanding regarding female chums; see what he does with it.
congrats on the romance by the way. good on you
and hey, he did tell you once you asked so that's a good sign right.

[Wakeup]

there it nothing wrong with having a female friend. Especially, we were just at the very early stages of developing a relationship.

"Especially, we were just at the very early stages of developing a relationship?" Does that mean if you actually advance the relationship that you'd expect him to stop seeing his so called "friend?"

You now know he has a female friend where his son likes to have "play dates" with her son and they hang out while the two boys do their thing.

Some things to ponder: How do you feel about this ongoing if your relationship develops past the early stages? Will you be fine with them hanging out one on one or would you like to be invited along? Will he be okay with you meeting her and hanging out with them and their boys?

He's had an intimate relationship with her in the past and he still sees her. That, to me would be a deal breaker because I don't need the hassle of a man that can't sever ties outright. They don't have children together and there is no reason why their two boys can't have playdates without their mother and father having one at the same time as well.

That's how I view it. There are enough men out there that I don't need one who spends time with other women. (that is if I wasn't happily married and was single and out and about scouting for another LIFEmate. Personal boundaries and standards are what get you what you ultimately want.

[michelle23]

You should follow your gut. If it feels wrong, it is. Don't waste your time