Should I block him from my life until he sorts out his?

[Liz Knope]

Hello, everyone!
I have registered just so that I could share my problem, so here it goes.

In September, I met a new guy at work. The minute I saw him, I felt attracted to him. Since we work in close proximity to one another, we soon started chatting and formed a strong connection. Weeks after, we became friends and stareted spending most of our free time on Messenger, getting to know each other even better. It soon became clear just how much we like each other and how well we go together. We even go out after work and see each other on weekends.

The problem is that he has a girlfriend. They've been in a relationship for over a year. They don't see each other, they don't sleep together. It's a relationship that keeps going because he doesn't want to move out of the apartment she arranged for him to live in for free.
The relationship had been superficial even before he met me.

I knew all this going in, he says he's not in love with her and I believe him.
That is why I openly told him I was in love with him. He said he couldn't start anything with me while he was still with her and I respect that. He also said he liked me a lot and that he feels jealousy even thinking that someone else might take me away from him while he's sorting out his life.
He says he wants to move out and start his own life, but really does nothing about it.

It's been two weeks since then and he has openly said he is in love with me as well. He told his family about me, he wants me in his future, but he is STILL with her.

This is childish. I am 25, he is 27. We should be past this. I don't want to be his back up girlfriend. I am in love with him though, and I will wait, but I feel like this could go on for a long time.

So, should I block him (ban texting and meeting) until he either chooses to leave his girlfriend or tells me honestly that I should move on? How do I proceed?

[basilandthyme]

Before figuring out how to proceed, I think you need to take a critical look at his values. If what he says about his relationship is true, then he's using his girlfriend because he's too inept to sort out his own life. Or he could be lying about the state of their relationship. Either way, it doesn't bode well for his suitability as a partner.

Let's look at the ineptness here: He was with her because she sorted out a place for him to live. Likely, he's still with her because nobody else has figured out a place for him to live. Odds on, this guy doesn't have what it takes to organise himself and his life. Do you really want to become his caretaker? And if so, what happens if/when your relationship with him runs it's course? Will you have to find him somewhere to live too? I also wonder about his work life - did his girlfriend help him find his job?

I don't think you should block him. I also don't think you should wait for him. My advice is to simply stop hanging out with him, move on and start seeing other people. Yes, he may get hurt and jealous - but that's not your problem.

Edited to add: don't wait for him to tell you to move on. It's your life and you must decide what's best for yourself

[Wakeup]

You're his PIECE ON THE SIDE. Have you MET his family or are you just believing more bullshit when he tells you he's "told his family about you."

How can you be so naïve and without self-respect? He is with someone else and it's none of your business how "superficial" or how "solid" it is because you're the interloper.

Hitch up your common sense and ditch this asshole who strings you along. You should never have gotten involved with him past hello and "how ya doin" when you knew he had a girlfriend. How would you like it if your boyfriend was with another girl when he went out without you?

[Nicky210473]

I have to say I agree with the last two replies. Both have very valid points. You're on track to being used. It's not your problem he has a gf, don't become his side kick. You need to pull back on your feelings for him. Put it this way if he's living with her for free and doesn't want to be with her he's using her so he has no problem using women to get what he wants. He's also telling you want to hear to keep you where you are. Stand on your feet and kick the mother fker to the curb and show him what your worth. Walk away with your head held high and show yourself respect, you're better than that. Good luck xx

[TablesandChairs]

Decent people break up with a partner when they are no longer in love or when they're interested in someone else; they stop 'taking' from that person. Your guy has no such intentions...sure, he enjoyed your company but nowhere near as much as he enjoys the financial perks of being with his girlfriend. He has a job - what's stopping him from moving out? Nothing but greed. Wait at your own risk - you could be waiting a while.

[basilandthyme]

>>what's stopping him from moving out? Nothing but greed<<

could also be laziness or lack of motivation. I've known people like that!

Either way, none of the reasons bode well for a good future with him.

[Liz Knope]

Thank you, all.

You're right, I know you are. I just needed to see it and read it.

I need to distance myself from him and that's what I'll do.