too late too soon?

[thebiglimp]

i don't know where would be the best place to post this so here it goes...

mkay so the first dating attempt for me in a long time and i blew it.

i would like you gents' professional analysis on the situation. I'm quite new at this so i don't know how to dissect it and gain from it.

the whole event takes about a month which i will divide into approx. dates.

day 1-10: girl who works at the bar i frequent show interest.

day 11- i talk to her for maybe 3 minutes before being interrupted.

day 12-19: more body language/eye contact from the girl and also now from me. (i wasn't even interested in her first but why not eat the fruit?)

day 20: ask her phone number, saying i want to take her to the dinner. get a 'yes', then phone number... and here's where the idiocy begins. i ask for her name afterwards. her smart phone is gone, btw. she shows me a cheap phone saying that her phone is in repair atm. and can only kakaotalk [IM service] (totally legit excuse,btw)

day 23, sunday: try calling but no answer. text her hi. get a hi back.
me: what are you doing?
her: busy with work i couldn't get done during the week
let's have dinner tonight
sorry, busy tonight but i'll be free at afternoon sometime next week

now, i take this as a strike one and a downgrade- it's suppose to be a dinner, not an afternoon meet. next couple of texts are idiot blubber on my part.
since getting her number i've been too excited that by now i have lost control of my cool.

day 24-25: more idiot texting on my part. no wit, just awkward impersonal questions that she doesn't seem too interested to answer.
last text i send her is 'oh god i think i'm failing at this text thing' her: no it's just me i still haven't fixed my phone so i can only do this on a computer.

day 26: i go to the bar on a business. by now i am completely frozen up. naturally, she's overly friendly to me now but i am unable to make conversation. i seriously only said hi and bye to her the whole 4 hours i was there.

day 27: call again, phone still doesn't work.
i know she is off today because i know the employee schedule of the bar.

text- me:hey let me know if you want to meet up today. and yes, i am pressuring you.
her 6 hours later: sorry i was out all day. i will be like this from now on.
i chat some more unproductive blabber, realizing it's already strike 2.

day 29: business at the bar again (i have dealings with the owner) she seem very uncomfortable around me now, avoiding me altogether. naturally, i act the same. then i stop her on my way out, say 'i don't wanna bother you about this anymore but i still wanna go on a date with you.'. her: 'i don't want...' me: 'so no date?' 'no?' her: 'no'

the end. lolol.

yeah, i'm pretty bummed out by the loss but even as i type it out now, it's pretty funny how bad i was at this.

what i'd like to know is, how was the dinner downgraded to an afternoon meet at my first text, and if i came on too strong both instances of text

and how interested was she of me to begin with? if very interested wouldn't she have taken the next step to setting up the date after the first text?


it really is a deal breaker that i couldn't talk to her on the phone since that could've felt much more natural to me....

she's russian, btw. i'm an american.

[JChristie]

you fell into the trap that is too common. instead of keeping a positive attitude, a sort of faith that it will all work out, you got all bogged down with self doubt and worry.

next time, be a happy camper, and throw her a couple compliments. say something about you that is awesome.

having a strong sense of self and a few go to questions when dating and texting/emailing can be very helpful.

i know that you are confident in your life in some way. take this confidence and spread it to all aspects of your life. you are awesome! girls love you. you have a lot of love to offer the world.

my experience is that cross cultural relationships can be very challenging. there is a whole history that may be completely different from your own. you show an interest in what makes her passionate, be a good listener.

in general, when dating, i like to be more proactive and have certain deal breakers that i can use as a very quick filter. these are politics, religion, climate change, animal rights, abortion and equality. in general, i want the person to be like me in these areas. one can find out someone's opinion on these topics in a couple hours max.

having such a deal breaking filter may help you avoid unnecessary drama in your love life.