Not quite to sure how to handle this situation? I love this guy... a lot.

[iowablonde1]

I have been seeing a guy for the last four months who is a little bit younger than me (2 yrs - I'm 30/F). We hit it off as great friends, and were friends for over a year prior to dating. He ended up breaking off a long-term relationship that he was very unhappy in to try to see where things would go with me (his ex had cheated, they were rarely intimate, and various other things). The problem is that his previous relationship was 7 years, and then he went striaght into trying to date me. I knew deep down it wouldn't work, as he needed time to heal. And it didn't. The first month was amazing, and then I think it started to hit him as he slowly pulled away.

He never really expressed he was needing time to heal, I truly believe because he doesn't want to hurt me or my feelings. I know it is going to take him time. I've given him space and kind of let him initiate hanging out and such, and we've decided not to label ourselves bf/gf, though neither of us are seeing other people. The kicker? He treats me exactly like a girlfriend, I just haven't met his entire family. (I met his brother and sister-in-law right off the bat).

My question is, if I continue to stay in it (I feel happy - although I would like us to be more serious, I feel like he can't give that right now), do you think he will eventually come around? I know each person is different in how long they take to heal. We go on dates currently, do dinner, go out with friends (mine as he just moved to the area two years ago and hasn't established many friendships), and just spend time together. I feel like if he didn't want to be with me period, he would have just given up by now. We have had plenty of times where he could have easily done so.

Any thoughts with this situation?

[Wakeup]

My thoughts are that he broke up with someone he was too codependent and afraid to be alone with to be with you. Why would he progress anything with you when he's getting everything while single and free to date others if he wants to? There is no logical reason why he would limit himself like that when he doesn't have to. Particularily if he knows you're the type that won't multiple date and therefore has zero fear of you finding someone to replace him.

You made a big mistake by getting involved with him BEFORE he was finished and still in another relationship. You can call it "great friends" if you want but you were already quite emotionally invested in him as more then a platonic friend all the while he was still with her. Yes?

[iowablonde1]

My thoughts are that he broke up with someone he was too codependent and afraid to be alone with to be with you. Why would he progress anything with you when he's getting everything while single and free to date others if he wants to? There is no logical reason why he would limit himself like that when he doesn't have to. Particularily if he knows you're the type that won't multiple date and therefore has zero fear of you finding someone to replace him.

You made a big mistake by getting involved with him BEFORE he was finished and still in another relationship. You can call it "great friends" if you want but you were already quite emotionally invested in him as more then a platonic friend all the while he was still with her. Yes?

You could be right - I just find that a little bit hard to believe - he's not free to date others. He told me he doesn't want to see anyone else, and he's very adament on trust... I am going to doubt he's lying to me. Every weekend he wants to spend together, it's not like he's avoiding me or anything. He just seems to want to be in his garage working, and wants to hang out maybe 2-4 times a week. I feel strongly as though he is trying to cope with his feelings from that 7-year relationship breakup.

Yes, I had a small crush on him prior to us dating. He had wrote me a letter stating he was developing feelings for me, prior to him breaking up with her. We never did anything emotionally or intimately prior to us getting together.

[Wakeup]

How can you say that you never did anything emotionally or intimately when you say you had a crush on him and he wrote you a letter confessing that he was developing feelings for you PRIOR to leaving her? Your two statements totally are contradictory to one another.

You asked for opinions based on what you shared and those are mine. Just don't keep fooling yourself. How do you figure he's not free to date others when he's not agreed to exclusivity with you? You say you feel "you'd like us to be more serious" and then after my post you do nothing but justify how serious he is? So which is it and HOW do you think he can show you that he's "more serious?"