Why does my guy friend question me about EVERYTHING?

[PrettyClassy]

Why does my male friend question me about EVERYTHING? Everytime he calls me he askes what was I doing ? If I don't instantly answered but say something else he'll ask again . If I say I'm in my car driving he'll say are you in the car by yourself . One time he called me and the my phone just died even tho I was at 50 percent and it didn't come on until I put it on the charger and he questioned me on that . He even told his bestfriend that when he askes me about guys I act like I'm hiding stuff and we are just cool . But that's so NOT the case I'm just a private person . Now before I knew he sounded like a possessive bf but I wasn't sure but the real kicker came when he asked me what was I did this week , I replied when to the gym, and church and he replied you know you're not a good liar . But that's what I actually did! Oh and by the way whenever him and I get into a disagreement he's the first to say you're acting like a girlfriend would treat her boyfriend

[TheEvilJester]

So, he's just your friend, not your boyfriend? Then my guess would be he wants to be more than just your friend. To be honest, though, he sounds WAY too insecure and paranoid to be in a healthy relationship. So, frankly, my suggestion would be to definitely not go out with him, but perhaps even to just stop being his friend entirely.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I understand how it feels to be insecure and paranoid. Heck, I even have problems like that with trusting people who are just my friends. I've had very few people in my life I can trust, and WAY too many prove untrustworthy, so I can understand having a hard time trusting people. But, I've learned that about myself and learned to balance that properly. It's okay to kind of crazy a bit to yourself, but you need to get that crap out to your own self and then engage your rational side and realize you are probably just being paranoid.

It is not okay to unleash all that crazy on people, and furthermore, it is a good way to drive them away. This guy isn't even your boyfriend, yet he's already super-clingy and controlling. Not to mention, needlessly mistrusting. I certainly hope you wouldn't want to date somebody like that, but I'm not even sure I'd recommend being friends with somebody like that.

As always, though, that would need to be your decision. Good luck to you. Hope it works out.

[PrettyClassy]

Thank you for your response it was spot on he does seem very insecure , as of This past Tuesday him and I are no longer friends . I tried to voice my concerns to him and he said you're coming up with these stories in your head , I'm dramatic etc. Even HIS bestfriend of 20 years said some of the things he was doing to be was pre meditated . Well at the end of the call he says to me " this is the last time I'm calling you since you said you and I can't ever get along. Best wishes to you , and I appreciate you " throughout the whole call he was being manipulative so when he said that I let him has that because I had intentions of not speaking to him as well

[TheEvilJester]

I am glad to hear you got yourself out of the situation, and sorry to hear it had to come to that. It is kind of a shame (for him, that is). I can understand where he is coming from because I've had a lot of people betray my trust. The thing is, you can't let that start to control your life to the point where you are so blatantly mistrusting to people. Don't get me wrong, I live with a basic Stone Cold Steve Austin "DTA" policy. (Don't Trust Anybody.) If I trust somebody, they have to EARN it.

But, you have to practice another little motto of mine in life, cautious optimism. As hard as this can be (trust me, I know) you have to give people the chance to prove you can trust them. This guy apparently goes straight into the mistrust to the extreme where he is actually confronting you with it when you to are just friends (maybe barely even that). Can you imagine what a relationship with him would be like in his current state?

You don't earn trustworthy people by forcing them to prove it. That sort of defeats the point of trust. To some degree, I do feel for the guy. I know from experience that you don't become that radically reluctant to trust without a reason. But, he needs to man up and learn to deal with it before he drives everybody in his life away. Maybe that sounds harsh, but it is coming from somebody who battled with his own demons many, many times in life, and always won.

Anyway, blah blah blah. I'm going on and on when the person who needs advice is him, not you. LOL! You made the right move. It is a shame you had to end things that way, but you need to do what is right for you. Hopefully he will eventually get a wake-up call and realize that it is okay to be reluctant to trust people, but you have to at least give them the chance to prove themselves if you want to keep anybody in your life.

[woody]

TheEvilJester nails it again. I cannot add anything else as he's so eloquently touched base on all the points that concerned me and it seems the two of you have this figured. Wonderful.

[TheEvilJester]

Thanks, Woody. :-D I like to think I talk my words goodly from my face mouth, but I also hope my finger words what I tapped onto the magical interwebs highwayspace are goodly as well. It is nice to know when they hit people's seeing balls in a positive fashion.

(I can't tell if it is hilarious or sad that sometimes even I don't know what the heck I'm talking about. LOL!)