Need advice: Ex Contacted me

[Marcelo.santos]

Had this girlfriend for about 7 months. We were doing well but after a holiday we had a hard discussion. After the discussion we talked and everything was ok.

The next day after the discussion we went together to her home ( in a different city from my home ) I stayed one planned night there with her - everything looks fine between us. But when I attempt to extend for one more night in her home like I did in the past, she acted like she doesn't want me there - I tried to confront here but she denied that do not want me there, was very polite but told me that if I don't feel ok there, she understands and the best to do is to leave her home and return another day - for me she acted extremely indifferent with me and with my concerns in that moment.

I left and right after I sent her a msg telling that is ok if she wants to stay alone a bit, I was just asking for explanation why she wants to stay alone and she told me that she was sad but she is not asking me to go out of her home - normally when I ask her to stay more at her home she becomes happy, but this time she was obviously different and was happy that I were going out there... I told her that I was humiliated with her attitude and she became indifferent in her replies.

I sent a last message telling that I was very disappointed with here attitude of not telling me what is going on and asked her to decide if she want to break up or not - she never replied 2 last messages I sent.

After 5 days, after no reply - I understood that it was a breaking for her - from there I decided to move on and removed everything, I decided to adopt a non Contact strategy - when I removed her from Facebook she lost the relationship status with me.

Now 3 days latter she contacted me by message and asked to call me, before I answered, she attempt to call me and I decided to not get the call and sent her a message to her saying sorry to do not answer the call and asking if we can talk by message first so she can explain what she wants to talk.

She sent a very long message denying that she want me out of her home - even I have not talked about it: she tried to explain her silence for the 5 days: She told that in the first day she was very sad so she decided to not reply and the other 4 days she was arriving home and was tired due to the job so she didn't replied me (we used to exchange messages 3, 4, 5 times a day).

She told me that she was disappointed that I decided to break up without contacting her (referring to facebook status after I removed her as friend. For me she broke up after ignoring me) and that she is now crying every day due this situation.

I use to like her, but I became very disappointed the way she ignored me and I'm going well until now

Now I'm a bit disappointed as she explained her 5 days silence in a stupid way: That she was very tired to reply me the message I sent on the day we had the fight.

I'm thinking in reply to her a short polite message that I don't remember to be the one to break up without contacting the other part - what you think?

Thank you.

[JChristie]

one of the most difficult things in relationships is keeping faith when you start to have doubting thoughts about a partner. keeping the faith in that person is easier when we think about the good things in our partner.

when relationships reach a bump in the road, it is good to get clear about your goals in life, and the kind of person that you need to be most happy and successful. after spending time with people, we see different sides of them. we see who they are more clearly (hopefully). sometimes we see that they are wonderful people, but just not someone you want in your life for the long term.

unfortunately, so many people are deceptive about who they really are, so it makes it difficult to be sure that the person you are with, is real.

keep positive about things, no matter how bad it looks. doing this will help you find answers.
best wishes!

[Wakeup]

Before you contact her and saying something you'll regret why don't you just text her and tell her you need a day to think about things... then, if you actually want a relationship with this girl contact her and tell her that you both need help in how to communicate and that if you're going to try to be in a relationship again that NEITHER of you has these kinds of discussions over text in the future, that you "confront" face to face and you stay face to face until the conflict is resolved, made to be understood, or compromised on so that you're both content with the outcome.

Both of you doing what you did and doing most of it over text was very, very childish of both of you.

[milk&honey]

Agreed. Tell her you need a day to think about things. I don't think she should've ignored you for 5 straight days. If she really needed some time alone or was tired she could've just told you so in the first place. You two need to sort this out and talk to each other more. Get her to open up to you, but don't force her.

[Marcelo.santos]

Update: I already have replied with a short explanation that I decided to moved on without contacting her due I understood that the way she ignored for 5 days me was a breaking up.

She replied with a long angry message trying to put the responsibility of her silence in me (it makes no sense to me).

She also told me that I were not supposed to remove her from facebook the way I did: she told that if instead i had contacted her we would manage the situation in a better way (she looks very very upset that I removed her from Facebook).

she finished the message with a farewell but saying thanks for me for everything I did for her.

At the same time she replied, five of her close friends that I've been introduced by her removed me from facebook as frined probably in a coordinated way.

I'm not feeling so bad, I'm doing well - I still miss her, but I think the best now is continue NC and continue moving on.

Do you thing I did something really wrong when I decided to remove her as friend from my facebook after got no explanation in 5 days as I explained on my original post? She last replied yesterday should I ignore her message or reply with an apologies for removing her from my facebook?

tell her that you both need help in how to communicate and that if you're going to try to be in a relationship again that NEITHER of you has these kinds of discussions over text in the future, that you "confront" face to face and you stay face to face until the conflict is resolved,

Yes, You are right. Things probably would be different if we had done a face to face.

Agreed. Tell her you need a day to think about things. I don't think she should've ignored you for 5 straight days.

Yes, I'm really disappointed that she ignored me for 5 days - now that she replied very angry, I will not reply at least for a while.

[Wakeup]

Just let her go. You're both very much immature and not ready to be in any kind of serious relationship until you learn to stop needing to be right and rather just needing to learn how to communicate and resolve.

She's just as immature if she goes radio silent without even telling you that she is upset about something... She expected you to chase after her and when you didn't (instead you deleted her from facebook) her ego was hurt even more.... all of this she did without voicing to you what was going on in her mind. Stupid, stupid, stupid of her and of you for not reaching out to see what was wrong with her.

To have pride is a good thing but to have too much pride is just cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Good luck in your next adventure in dating. I hope you learned something from this failure.

[Marcelo.santos]

Just let her go. You're both very much immature and not ready to be in any kind of serious relationship until you learn to stop needing to be right and rather just needing to learn how to communicate and resolve.

yep, I will not contact her anymore, if she decides to contact me in the future I will try a face to face.

I'm 41 (She is 30). I really did a mistake when have not proposed a face to face early, things went out of control when I became very disappointed and surprised at the first issue - when you are in the middle of something like this things goes fast and you have no time to stop and thinking

She's just as immature if she goes radio silent without even telling you that she is upset about something... She expected you to chase after her and when you didn't (instead you deleted her from facebook) her ego was hurt even more.... all of this she did without voicing to you what was going on in her mind. Stupid, stupid, stupid of her and of you for not reaching out to see what was wrong with her.

I Agree 100% with you, probably this is what she had in mind. On the past, I've noticed that she used avoid direct confrontation with me - one time she told me that she is very shy and she use to avoid discussions because she dont like direct confrontation. That time, I told her to do never avoid telling what she thinks because it would be a mistake. Looks like made no difference to her: Probably she was very sad during the problem we had and decided to ignore me instead of telling me what was going on. She is a nice girl, but had no idea that this problem could destroy our relationship like happened now.

To have pride is a good thing but to have too much pride is just cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Good luck in your next adventure in dating. I hope you learned something from this failure.

Thank you for your advice about do not have so much pride, I'll really think about it - probably if I had not so much pride I could solve this before it reaches the breaking up - but is hard to know the exact answer on the situation: If she is radio silent expecting me to chasing her if I go to her I could feed her behavior for the next time... its hard to know what to do.