One Month of Space - Will this work?

[TypeALover]

Erica and I were dating for just over three years. It wasn't three years break free, despite the fact that we've always talked every day. We dated through her last 1.5 years of college and all 3 of mine (I finished May 2014). Last Saturday (I can't believe it's been a week, already), Erica broke up with me. The conversation started when she asked if I was happy and I responded "no." I just wasn't. We argued quite a bit and she never had time to spend with me while juggling a full-time graduate assistantship for a golf team, a part time job, graduate school, and family. The foundation of our relationship was lacking because we didn't have the time to nurture it. Erica said that she was unhappy as well because she always felt inadequate and that no matter how hard she tried it was never enough. I asked her not to consider my current state of being as my attitude toward our relationship, but she chose to end it that night.

We didn't talk for nearly two days after that. And ever since I've found some excuse to talk to her everyday. In that time, I felt this really compelling tug from my heart and spirit to propose to her that we take one month of space to not communication, find some things that we love, HAVE FUN, and develop our relationships with God. On February 26th, I asked her to meet me at a restaurant at a set time if she was willing to allow the past to be the past and for the opportunity for us to start over from Day 1, Date 1 with no expectations and just the sincere hope that we've found someone to have a great deal of fun with and laugh and hang and just be. I know in my heart that it's possible. When I initially sent her the email asking her to grant me this request, she just flat out emailed and said that she wasn't going to show up on February 26th and she wouldn't want me waiting. But the thing is that she admits that she still loves me, is in love with me, and isn't interested in being with anyone else. I hope that with a month of space she is able to find it in her heart to just be free and fun and casual with me.

I think that a big part of my role in our demise is the fact that I'm SO Type A. I plan everything. Her birthday is at the end of June and I was already planning a trip at the beginning of January. I wanted us to move in together because that felt like our next logical step, but that didn't go over well because things were rocky because of stretched time. Before, she always sold me on this vision that all she had to do is make it through this Spring semester and we'd be fine. But she began to not believe in her own vision...


How do I best spend this month as I pray and hope that she'll come? What's the honest likelihood that she'll come? Would you come? Could we start over? I need clarity because I'm feeling quite low and lacking faith in something that I truly believe is right. How do I learn to just be the casual and fun person that I'd like to date?

[basilandthyme]

To be honest, I think it's fair that you lack faith that she'll come. The two of you have very different priorities and one of you has to give. It's all well and good that you want to learn to loosen up, but will you truly be satisfied with a woman who can't give you the quality time you need? Not that she's doing anything wrong....but perhaps she'd be better suited to a guy who's also got a very busy schedule - just as you'd be better suited to a girl who doesn't put you second to everything.

I recall a conversation with a workmate about his failing relationship. His girlfriend complained that she way waaaay down in his list of priorities. And he was quite open about the fact that this was the case. They eventually broke up and he met another girl. This girl was 'The One' and all of a sudden, his personal activities dropped in the list and she because his [URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1]#1[/URL] . He didn't even need to make a conscious choice - it was an instinct based on his love and suitability with her.

In short, I think that you being down on her list of priorities shows that you're not the perfect man for her. Yes, you can try starting again, but that's not really going to change how she feels. And you can pretend to be satisfied with being 3rd or 5th in her list of priorities, but you won't be happy.

I suggest you respect that she needed to end things and let her go. There are more suitable partners out there for both of you.

[Wakeup]

Erica and I were dating for just over three years. It wasn't three years break free,

Does this mean that this break up isn't the first time that you two attempted to end your relationship?

If it means that then its a good thing that she's not going to show up on the 26th because you two need to go zero contact so that you (especially you) learn how to accept that you're with the wrong person and you quit wasting your good dating years on someone who isn't ever going to make a LIFEmate relationship with you.

Sorry... but there it is. The truth in all it's ugly.

>Start today as the first day of the rest of your life without her in it.
>Know that it takes much, much more then "love" for a relationship to be able to last and
>when that "much more" isn't present, then it's time to move on so you don't stagnate yourself in the habit of being with someone and mistake that habit as "love."]
>Conciously change the subject of her when she pops into your head to something more productive and motivating.
>Indulge the pain of accepting that the relationship is over for a short time and then acknowledge to yourself that it's time to get on with your life and strive to get to a happy and content singledom. When you are in that state, that is when you will find your LIFEmate and not before.

Onward looking through the windshield. No more looking in the rear view mirror.

[woody]

We can't change who we are on our elemental levels; nor should we inspire to. Sometimes these things just happen for reasons beyond our controls and that's just the way it is.
Doesn't make it any easier to move on from but it is do able.

Sorry your enduring the heart ache but that just means you have heart so protect it. You sound like a good guy; everything will be alright.

[jenniferaniston]

I think you should talk to her about this as she only knows that what she want and what she feels for you as this break can change things so don't stop your communication as by talking to each other will get to know that what you both want.