torn between two women

[TornBetweenTwo1]

Hello everyone,

I was married to my high school sweetheart, who I had been with for 13 years. She was the only women I was ever intimate with. I got to a point where I drove myself crazy thinking that I was missing something and I just really wanted to experience being intimate with someone else. I just lost that passion and became preoccupied with what I was missing and our relationship just went downhill... solely because of my issues and desires to be with another woman. I then met another woman and started falling in love with her and started fantasizing about her. I then left my wife for her. I was faithful for our entire marriage up until that point and never thought I would ever be capable of falling for anyone else or hurting my ex. Needless to say I have tremendous guilt that I live with every day... and I realize I deserve every bit of it. We never really had closure and we always got along great... We only got a divorce because of my selfish ways. But now I've been with my current girlfriend for 3 years. I love her and I'm attracted to her. I like being around her. Everything could be great... but now I'm starting to miss my ex-wife, who I still love, and it's holding my current relationship back. I legitimately love both women. My current girlfriend knows I'm struggling with this as well. I try to be as honest as possible. My ex wife never moved on and she wants me back. Sometimes I feel like I know I want to go back, but other times I feel like I do not. I feel like I couldn't live without either woman. This dilemma has taken over my life. I feel like I'm in a hopeless situation where I can't chose which one to hurt, which one to lose, which one to be with. It's worth noting that I have two kids with my ex-wife, and I have them 50% of the time. I miss having them 100% of the time. I have to see my ex a few times a week exchanging the kids. I'm desperate for some guidance, advice, tips, new perspective, etc. Thank you to any and everyone who may respond.

[Wakeup]

Ever see the TV show called Big Love?

[TornBetweenTwo1]

No... haven't seen that one

[Wakeup]

No... haven't seen that one

Google it: It applies to you and your current situation. Perhaps Polygamy will suit all three of you?

[TornBetweenTwo1]

That's not an option

[Wakeup]

That's not an option

Are you saying you've asked then but they've said no?

I think the girl you're with now is already sharing you with your ex wife so why not ask outright (if you haven't already) and see what they have to say?

Your current gf has very little self worth or is totally codependent if she would stay with you knowing that you're still in love with someone else. Something not quite right with someone who would settle like that ~ wanting to be monogamous yet sharing you emotionally with someone else????

Anyway... maybe you'd do well to see a therapist to help you figure out yourself and at least help you with your guilt. You're not having much fun by the sounds of things.

[TablesandChairs]

You're in love with all that is shiny and new; once the shine fades, your mind wonders. But these are silly games to be playing because you're an adult and peoples feelings are involved.

I've never been a fan of marrying young or marrying the first person you sleep with; people find themselves in your predicament, obsessing over what they're missing out on...being bored and needing excitement. People who have dated sufficiently know that ALL relationships go through stages - infatuation, intense in-love feelings to a more subdued/comfortable place. It takes work to keep things 'alive' but you can't logically expect to remain in the honeymoon period forever. And, you can't expect to jump ship every time you get bored, either.

What I would do? I'd break up with my girlfriend, move out on my own and give myself a period of being single - something you haven't had in a while. Figure shit out, learn to be on your own. Do what you want/when you want. Date casually if need be. After a while, you may be in a better position to know what you want.

[TornBetweenTwo1]

Thank you both for your feedback. A lot of your input is accurate.

- - - Updated - - -

People tell me all of the time that I should be single... but I honestly love both women to the point where I feel like I could be happy with one forever if the other was out of the picture though. It's complex. I'm just trying to sift through my brain and figure out if I'm "in love" with the memory of my ex, and the thought of being a whole family again, or if I'm actually still in love with her after three years of being separated. Or if the guilt is driving me in all this. I just feel like if my gf told me to get lost, I'd be happy with my ex... and if my ex told me to get lost, I'd be happy with my gf. I don't want to lose either... Let alone both. I obviously know that I'll have to choose sometime soon. I'm just completely overwhelmed