Crazy complicated story. Finally broke up with boyfriend. Looking for support

[tsukasa300]

My ex and I had been going out for 7 months. When we first started going out we were both dating multiple people. And we were okay with it. I wasn’t ready to commit and I let him know and he was very patient with me.

During the time we were dating he was hooking up/dating one of his coworkers. He had been with her for about a year and a half, but never felt that they were right enough for each other. During the time we were just dating, she became very jealous of me. Because she knew that he really liked me and took me places that he never took any of the other girls he was dating. He pressured him to commit and basically gave him an ultimatum. I didn’t know it at the time but my ex had always used this chick as his safety net. He knows that she would always take him back when he had no one else. The ultimatum scared him. So he gave me a talk asking me if I ever saw this going anywhere. If there was any future potential for us. I found out later if I had said no he was going to cut me off and commit to his coworker. I said I could see this going somewhere, so he told this to the coworker. Shortly after we became exclusive.

A few says after we are exclusive his coworker texts him that she missed her period and is having symptoms of pregnancy. However she refuses to take the test. She spends a week badgering my ex to take her back. And trying to convince him that they should be together. My ex tells her that he only wants to be with me. Even if she is pregnant he doesn’t think that they are good together. He only wants to be with me. Eventually she takes the test and its negative. Surprise surprise. I have doubts whether she was faking the whole thing. Even if she wasn’t its really desperate to use a pregnancy to keep someone is really low and desperate. I really don’t trust this chick.

My boyfriend continues to be friends with this girl, for reasons I couldn’t understand at the time. The truth is he is insecure and always needs to have a safety net girl that will always take him back no matter what he does to her.
I am uncomfortable with their friendship. I notice that he crops me out of the pictures that he sends her. I didn’t know it at the time but this girl was always involved in our relationship. He was always trying to hide me from her. I later found out that he only brought me to a company party because he thought she wasn’t going. He also didn’t make us fcbk official because of her. Also, she got angry at him for making us official and posting pictures of us together. He caters to her feelings, trying to make her feel better. We began to plan a overseas trip for the summer and she became livid. She said if he went on the trip it was really over for them. She has this delusion that they are going to end up together. I didn’t find any of this out until later.

Still I am uncomfortable with her and don’t trust her. My gut feeling. I ask him if he will stop talking to her, except for work. He is angry but agrees. He lets her know and she tries to convince him im manipulating him. Everything seems fine after that. We continue to plan our trip.

Later down the road I get another gut feeling that he is doing something behind my back. My gut feelings are usually right. I try to look at the text on his phones. I become desperate because he is not talking. He hides his phone from me. Eventually he comes clean. He has been talking to his coworker for two weeks and lying to me about it. I am very angry and give him an ultimatum. I'm sick of having this person in my life, the coworker.

He breaks up with me over text message. He says that he loves me and I mean the world to him but that he cant let go of the coworker. I don’t know at this point that she is his safety net. I want to get closure because I am totally blindsided by this break up. I thought he really loved me. I meet up with him and he says very hurtful things . He says that she is his best friend. That they have a bond that can't be broken. He says that I scared him. Because he was so happy with me and he knew I could break up with him, unlike his coworker. At this time, I realized what this girl means to him. I realize he is a coward and always needs the assurance of a back -up plan. However, I'm not ready to let him go. I tell him what I think and he admits it. He says that he needs to break things off with her and stop being a coward. He says he doesn’t want to be that way anymore. I suggest that we take a break for two weeks so he can make up his mind and clean his mess up.

After one week he tells me he has decided. He wants to be with me. He decides that he will leave his job. I didn’t know it at the time but his crazy coworker kept pressuring him at working. She kept trying to convince him that I was manipulating him. That he needed to leave me and be with her. He blocked her on everything and she used work messaging to contact him again. Again this made him have second thoughts about being with me. He kept going back and forth for the next week or so. His coworker is very manipulative and knows how to push his buttons. And he is too cowardly a person to go after what he wants. He's like this with everything. He hates his job but loves the security. Just like with this girl.

Finally I had enough and this lit a fire under him. He told me he would finally tell the coworker off and that he would leave his work. He did this and started applying to new jobs. However, he dragged his feet a bit on finding a new job. I had a difficult time getting over all of this drama that had just happened. He was very supportive and understanding of my feelings. However, he was not doing much to get a new job. This would finally help me get over the whole ordeal. We had another talk and he promised that he would do better. Finally he started interviewing.

Innocently looking something up on his phone I saw that he had unblocked his coworker. That he had been googling her and looking her up on instagram and facebook. I guess she was dating someone and he was not over losing the comfort of having her there single. In case we didn’t work out. I became very angry and knew that he had not changed a bit. He was still the coward that couldn’t let go of his comfort.

We finally go on our trip. This is when I find this out. I break up with him toward the end of the trip. I didn’t mean to. But couldn’t hold it in any longer. As usual he just gave up and agreed. I don’t know what I was expecting. I knew what his reaction would be. He was and will always be a coward. He will never let go of his safety net and I can't live with that. He can't solely commit to me because I scare him. He's scared of how much he loves me and how happy I make his feel. He thinks I will take that away from him one day because I have self worth and dignity unlike his coworker. I was willing to work through issues but I have to have full commitment in a relationship. Which he can't do.

We had some communication problems. Problems that most couples have. I feel that we could have worked through these and grown together. Unfortunately, there was always a third party involved so we could never get to that point.

I really love this guy and he says he still loves me. I asked for no contact because its too painful for me right now and I need to get over him first. I had hoped that maybe some day in the future we could try again when we had both grown a bit. Because I felt there was something really there. What we had was truly a rarity. If he could just become a stronger person. Even though we parted on good terms, the day after I broke up with him he began to contact his coworker again. This killed all hope that I had that we could ever be together again. It really hurts that he could not even wait for me to leave to start talking to her again.

When i last said goodbye he said that he would find me one day. That its not over till its over. I wanted to believe but i find it hard to believe after everything that happened.

I'm sure this is all for the best. But naturally I am very hurt and need some supportive words

[basilandthyme]

I remember you writing about this a couple of months ago. A few of us told you that a relationship which is this messy and complicated wasn't worth saving. However, you decided that you wanted to give your best shot at saving the relationship.

You went into these past couple of months knowing that this issue was ongoing. You gave it your best shot and things didn't improve. There's nothing more you could have done

If there's any consolation, remember that you see him as being cowardly and easy to manipulate. Even a few months back you said the same about him. These aren't good traits for a life partner to have.

[Mindfun]

I think the guy is incredibly smart and admire and envy him.why would he give up the security of a woman that won't torment and leave him for someone that could destroy him?
because he is a coward is one of the reasons you're attracted to him as you want to break him of that trait.
you know deep down that eventually you would dump this man, he knows it too.you don't like him and you disrespect him.
please send my response to this guy.