Digging My Own Grave?

[One Wing]

So, there is a woman that I have had feelings at work for quite some time now. We seem to have great chemistry and get along well, but I am very career oriented and do not want to put my job at risk. Both of us have spent time together outside of work. We can talk to each other for quite some time without growing tired of each other. I can feel the chemistry between us, but I must add that I am 21 and she is 30.

The situation I am currently in is a little tricky. We started out as friends and began moving forward. I noticed quite a few indicators that she was interested in becoming more than friends. In all honesty I was very nervous and concerned that furthering my relationship with her could hurt the beginning of my career. I was very reserved in how I communicated with her for this very reason. I believe this caused her to pull back a little. We work in the same department. When she began to pull back, she started to do some things that were considered my job without telling me. This made me frustrated and I explain to her that if she did not stop doing part of my job that I would go talk to our boss. I explained this to her three times, and each time she agreed to stop and include me in the loop. Of course, she didn’t stay true to her work and I went to my boss about the situation. Once management was involved, we started cooperating a little better. However, this did not fully fix the situation.

She continued doing thing behind my back over the next week or two, and I went straight to my boss once again and explained how she was avoiding procedures that she should be following. Afterwards, she came and talked to me in private. We argued a little, and she explained to me how she felt like I stabbed her in the back. My response was, “I thought that I had made my expectations clear. I did not intend to stab you in the back and I apologize if that is how you want to take it. If you continue to act this way I have no problem bring this issue to HR.” After I said this, she said, “I’m going to talk to HR” and walked away.
About a half hour later she approached me with tears in her eyes and gave me a sincere apology. She explained that there has been a lot of stress in her life recently and she was in the wrong. She asked for forgiveness, and I accepted it. We hugged it out and she said that she would like to hang outside of work again. I believe she felt bad about her actions and would like to make up for the way she has been acting. I told her that I understand and said to contact me if she needed someone to talk to.

I do not know if it would be appropriate to have a romantic relationship with her. As I state, I do NOT want to put my job or career at risk. I enjoyed the time we spent together and I would like to have more than just a friendship with this woman. I am young, so I fully admit that my understanding of love and romance is off. Before I do something irrational and stupid, or become manipulated, I need to hear the opinions of others.

[basilandthyme]

One Wing, this woman has already demonstrated a lack of respect and appropriate boundaries at work because of being upset with you. I know she has apologised, but you've been given a window into how her mind works and you'd be crazy to ignore it. If things were to go pear shaped again, it could get ugly. This would not only be unpleasant for you, but also impact your career.

I suggest you slowly start to distance yourself from her.