Need Advice: Boyfriend with an STD... what about the future? (please read)

[Salty88]

I am incredibly torn on this subject. I have been thinking about this for a long time.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. I have known since before day one of our relationship that he has genital herpes. He was very honest about that once it became evident that we were thinking of getting together. At the time, it rocked my world. I cried that night from being so torn. I really liked him and I wanted to get to know him. Little did I know I would fall in love with him and we would be thinking about marriage.
I want him to propose to me. I want to marry him. Really, I do. It's just that... the thought of marrying someone with herpes really scares me. We have been really careful so far about him always wearing protection whenever we are intimate, but it really sucks thinking that I am going to have to use a condom during sex for the rest of my life... even with my future husband... even after we're married!
The thing is... his herpes is not very serious. He rarely has outbreaks when they are supposedly supposed to happen once a month or so. We're going on 3 years together and he has only had ONE outbreak of herpes since we've gotten together (and that was like 2 years ago).
I have always been a pretty healthy person. There's nothing wrong with me that he would ever need to worry about, but this thing of his just eats away at me...
To kinda set some boundaries from day one I told him that I would not even CONSIDER having sex without a condom unless I was married to him. He understood and was perfectly fine with it. Why risk getting an STD from someone who just might infect you and then leave you?
My mom is putting a lot of pressure on him to propose already, but I'm kinda glad he hasn't yet. I still don't know what I would say. I know that if he didn't have that STD, I would say "Yes/I do" in a heartbeat, but that STD changes things a lot. I'm really scared of it. I don't know what to expect from it. Sure, his herpes barely ever gives him any issues, but what if my body will react differently? What if it's worse for me? Then it would only be my own fault for that suffering... jeez... the thought really scares me to bits.

I don't know what to do... what would you do if you were in my situation?
Maybe you would have just sent him packing the moment he told you he had herpes. I guess I wouldn't be at this crossroads if I had done that. But then again, I have really loved having him in my life these past 3 years...

Please... anybody... I need advice...

[smarta$$]

His body's reaction to the virus has no bearing on YOUR body's reaction. You might have a mild care, a severe case, or be completely asymptomatic... you never will know for sure, unless you are infected.

I am not sure what (specifically) your aversion to a condom is all about... maybe you can elaborate on that? Also, do you plan to have babies? Because if infected, you may end up needing a c-section to avoid infecting a baby.

[Salty88]

Thank you for your reply
Those are the exact uncertain concerns that I mentioned. I have no idea how bad it will be for me if I do get infected. It could be either extreme... or not... who knows.

My aversion to condoms? Well... I feel this conversation will benefit from honesty so I'll put this bluntly:
I really, like sex. Everything about sex. Everything you can do with sex. It's all amazing. I love it! But oral sex through a condom feels like I'm licking a lollipop without taking off the wrapper first. I really enjoy doing this for my boyfriend. I know he loves it... and it turns us both on. I just hate that I have to try to imagine the condom isn't there every time. I think it's lame so seeing it turns me off. It's like... a mental hurdle every time. I just know it's necessary.

[Wakeup]

You have come to the wrong place to get your answers. You should go to your family doctor (who is obligated to keep your conversation private if you are of the age of majority) and you should tell him everything you've told us and then some.

Get all the INFORMED information from him, or even better, from a family planning clinic in your area. You need to be well informed and all you're going to get here is half-truths, some truths, some out-right wrongs and you'll only end up that much more torn and confused.

There can be complications during childbirth when the mother has herpes so that is another consideration for you to be thinking about. Google can also be your friend if you use reputable sites and not other forums.

Personally? I would have stopped seeing him but I would have thanked him profusely for doing the right thing and being honest. You chose to stay so get yourself informed and educated through the proper channels.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed with Wakeup. Unless we happen to have any doctors on the board here we weren't aware of, none of us can really give you the well-informed answers you need. We don't know enough about the situation. Maybe there are ways to treat it in such a way that he wouldn't spread the infection even without using condoms. We don't necessarily know that, but a doctor or clinic would. If there are alternative options for you, then that removes the problem right off the bat. If there aren't, then at least you will know and can decide if you are okay with that and can live with it. Good luck to you either way.