I freaked him out. Can I do something to fix it?

[quite contrary]

So im 25, coming out of a abusive relationship and I have a 2 year old daughter. About 2 weeks ago I met this 33year old teacher who innocently gave me his number and asked me to text him. I had little to no intentions in texting him but a few days later me and my ex got into a physical fight... So vulnerable I texted the teacher and I was honest. I told him about my abusive relationship and my daughter. At first he was skeptical but we ended up talking almost every night and texted each other about our days, good morning and good nights. We had even gotten coffee several times and went on our first official date. We held hands, cuddled and I what I thought was a good time. But the next day I had gotten a text from my ex and he told me the lawyer up because he wanted full custudy of our daughter. Ofcourse I had told the teacher but by doing so I think I pushed him away. He told me I wasnt ready for a relationship and I should figure things out. I was so upset I showed up at his house the next day univited, not once but twice. The conversation was typical and as expected and I totally freaked him out. He told me ill probably see him at our next teachers meeting and maybe ill have some good news and be in a better chapter of my life. As a final immature desperation I asked him if he wanted to f**around before I walked away. Ofcourse he said no that would be unfair for everyone...

I guess, I know I did it wrong and I know I should get my life figured out first. But does that mean a relationship with him is impossible? Even in the future? How can I apologize to him?

[Lilly328]

Yeah, you really screwed that one up. Showing up uninvited twice and out of desperation ask if he wanna screw with you is enough to scare a decent guy away. He is right, you need to fix your mess first. Shouldn't you be worried about your daughter custody instead of a guy you've just meet?

[smackie9]

Good god you need to get your head on straight. Sorry but you are one wack job and he is runnin for the hills.

Please for one min put yourself in his shoes. Stable person,with a career looking for a nice relationship, meet person with psycho baggage, you see the caos and feel this is not the situation you want to be involved with, he comes banging on your door upset not once but twice....you would be calling 911 as you peek through the blinds.

YOUR main concern should be about YOUR CHILD, not some guy you just met. Get your priorities straight.

[CaseySp]

Is this really about the teacher or is this really about your ex? Allow some time to pass, let your emotions flow, get over your ex before doing anything with the teacher.

[solarion]

Is this really about the teacher or is this really about your ex?

Neither. It's all about the only remaining "adult" actor in this repugnant mess.

[pcmaster]

I think teacher was there just for the positive emotions. When you told him about your problems he wasn't ready for that. The relationship still was in very beginning stage - it was basically honeymoon stage and you ruined the honeymoon by talking about your serious problems when you had to keep quiet.
Do you have friends? Talk with them about serious stuff that bothers you. Think in this case you trusted this guy too soon.

[Wakeup]

You should be laying out your life and the trouble you and your daughter are in to your therapist and your lawyer. Not some new dude who you don't even know... You have no boundaries or filters to guide you well.

I'm hoping that your abusive partner doesn't have enough "stuff" on you that his threat of going for full custody has merit in it.

- - - Updated - - -

How did you meet this teacher? Are you one as well?

[PTAC12]

Hey, even though you may have screwed the pooch on this one, keep your head up.. stay positive. Focus on you for a while. There will be more opportunities. Put this one behind you and learn from it.

[melancholia]

So unlike everyone else who seems to want to slam you with judgment and ridicule, I'd like to take a more compassionate approach to what you've posted. You are not psycho. You have not "screwed the pooch" or any other absurd terms other people seem to be throwing around here. You're not a bad person, you've just been through a lot of bad things, a lot of which have happened recently. There is no way you have given yourself enough time to move past the abusive relationship you were in. Have you been to a therapist to help process the relationship and the break up? I really think you need to focus more on getting yourself back on track and getting to a place where you are healthy: mentally, emotionally, and physically. I think you may have overreacted because you literally don't know how else to react. You saw a man you thought you could have a relationship with, someone who was different from your ex, and you became overly excited about it. This man was not aware of your struggles or what baggage you were carrying with you when he met you, and he is within his full rights to write you off if he sees behavior in you that he doesn't want in a partner. It doesn't mean you are hopeless and it certainly does not mean that you don't deserve love or a happy, successful relationship. It simply means you are not ready.

Please, for your own sake and the sake of your child, get some help from a professional so that you can work through all of this emotional baggage properly. Once you have worked on getting yourself to a place of independence and happiness, you will be able to receive the love you deserve and there will be someone out there who can give it to you.

Best of luck to you.

Big Love,
Melancholia