My bf deletes his text messeges with his ex, should I worry?

[Annietobe7]

Hey Guys!
Ive been with my bf for 18 months, we live together and always talk about future together. We love each other a lot. There's just one problem for me, he talks with his ex girlfriends, with one in particular. He says they're all just friends and nothing more. I dont think they speak too often but it still bothered me. After a lot of fights he still didnt want to stop that so I had to give in and say ok you can still talk to them (i had to choose between losing him or accepting that). I told him that ill try to trust him but that he must promise me always to be honest.
After 2 months i made the mistake to check his phone. Then i saw he has been deleting the texts with her. I confronted him and he was really angry that i looked in his phone. As i asked him why he deletes the messages he said its not of my business what he does with his messages and that he can delete what he wants. Now hes thinking to end the relationship. The girl has a bf and lives far away, i dont think he wants to be with her because he dumped her, but i think there are still some feelings there. Why would he delete the messages? I hate it when he hides things from me.
My question is, am I the one being wrong here? would you accept his behaviour?
Thank you!

[friendsfirst]

Several things come to mind....

Is there a valid reason for his correspondence with his ex? Co-parenting maybe? If not, did you explain that it bothered you that he was corresponding with his ex?

For me, if someone deletes messages from anyone, I think it's a red flag. I don't go through my significant other's phone, but I also trust them. Should I pick his phone up because I needed to use it for whatever reason, my phone was dead or something, it shouldn't be a problem. That's just me though.

Has he ever given you a reason mistrust him, thus giving a reason to go through his phone? I believe you are both wrong. I would explain why I wasn't okay with the communication, and if it was a valid reason, I would trust him to make a compromise on the situation to satisfy both of us.

[learning1]

looked thru my ex's phone after he claimed he'd been out "alone" but smelled of cologne, was super dressed up. He'd been out with a single female coworker alone.
Any text messages that he ended up deleting between them, there was always a reason. For instance, him telling her that he wants more photos of her, bc she looked so good in their company photo from work. Or... Once He'd deleted all their messages, and the new top one was the girl telling him, "I appreciate your honesty about the situation. Glad you and your girl are trying to work things out now." (We hadn't been fighting)

[Wakeup]

My question is, am I the one being wrong here? would you accept his behaviour?

Well, you're accepting it already so what does it matter what we would do?

[Lilly328]

Some people could still be good friends after breaking up. And some people has that habbit of deleting messages after a while. If it's only hers he delete, then that is a red flag.

[topazlight]

It wasn't right to check his private property, to him you broke trust. Ex's talk casually about each others lives but it isn't sexual talk for most those parties, some take it too far but most people don't cross boundaries. If you don't trust him, don't be with him.