My boyfriend unofficially broke up with me 9 days ago (it could just be that all the silence is is just him wanting a lot of space right now, but not counting on it), and we had been together for a year and a half. It was all because of a lack of balance that I didn't realize about until it was too late. 4 months ago his dad died, and he started hanging out with his guy buds a lot, when previously all we had was each other. I hadn't started going out with my old friends again or making new ones meanwhile to keep myself preoccupied, so I basicly put too much pressure on him by worrying too much about what he was out doing and feeling lonely.. So when I thought I was doing the right thing by talking about my feelings about it, he felt like I was blaming him when I wasn't. He didn't realize either that the underlying reason for my feelings was just because we lacked in balance in that area. I wrote him a letter by hand with a gift I made for him that I mailed him, explaining about my realization of the lack of balance, and it was delivered Monday but I haven't heard anything from him. The last time besides that that I contacted him was when I texted him Thursday telling him I realized what the real issue behind this rocky pattern with us was, and that I will just give him space.

I have been telling myself that if I just stay strong and keep myself occupied then I can get through this. I work at home as an artist, and it's hard to do my work without tears randomly pouring out of my eyes. I'm not even thinking about anything besides my work when it happens, it's just a feeling that comes over me that something important is missing. I don't ever just push my hard feelings aside unless I'm with my family when it's not a good time to cry, I think that the more I tend to my feelings the faster I'll get over him.

It has been a lot harder than I realized it would be to connect with old friends again after over a year of not talking to them, everyone's busy and doing their own thing now. There isn't much eventful going on where I could try and get out and make new friends. I have written sooo much about all this to try and get it all out, but I feel like I'm just going in circles with it. I feel like I could be becoming a burden to the few friends that I do chat with about this.. And the last thing I want is to make them feel burnt out on me.

Any advice on what I can do to get through this all in one piece, for being that I am having a hard time finding friends or events around to help keep me occupied meanwhile?

Thank you,

Julia