Jelous boyfriend and a trip with friends

[karastra]

Hello, I'm Kara, 26yo,

I'm currently having problems with my boyfriend, I would be grateful to receive an advice to unlock te situation.

I was invited by a female friend of mine (she is 23yo) to join a trip organized but two of our colleagues at the university. The guys are 20 and 19 to and since right now there is a a semester break they are organizing a 10 days trip to Holland.
I don't know them too well, but I met my female friend few months ago and I really like her and the opportunity to do a trip with her.
One of the two guys lately is acting a bit weird, a possibility is that he is interested in having more then a friendship with me.

My boyfriend, 8years older then me, doesn't like the idea of me going for a long trip with two guys. He is aware that one of the two behaved a bit akward in a couple of occasions. I told him I'm not interested in him, that I understand that women in general can find him attractive, but that the fact that I'm cute is not a reason for me not to do a trip with a man that in "theory" could want from me something more.

He said that this type of trips, to holland during a vacation break, are mostly made for getting drunk and having "fun" and that is not the best to be put in certain situations. He says that just because from time to time happened that I drunk too much.

I told him for me is just a matter of spending time with this female friend that I like a lot and the chance to visit new cities. He replies that is months that he is asking to do a trip and I always say that I have no money. He says also that I'm spending already a lot of time with my female friend and that we can organize any time a trip together with her if this is what I want.

The problem is also that one week ago my boyfriend father had major health problems and ended up in the hospital. My boyfriend went there to take care of him and got really stressed by the situation. During the same week he got pissed because I was partying for a couple of days and I called him drunk at 4 in the morning, while he had to sleep, because he had to go to the hospital early the next day (to his father).

For this reason he is asking to avoid discussions about a trip like this while he is still recovering from the shock of having his father in critical conditions 2 weeks ago.

I don't see why things like this should make me decide not to go, I cared a lot about him and the father even if I was doing my things and wasn't calling much.

We had a couple of fights about the trip. He said at the end that he felt he had to tell me about the disconfort he has in thinking about me away with this two guys, but that he also respects my decision and that I'm free to go. But I saw him really sad more then once, and this pisses me off a lot.

Maybe I should have communicated with him better. Because I first told him the trip would have been shorter and that was just a trip with my female friend and boyfriends where not invited. Only after, I told him that this guy that likes me was driving the car, then I told him he was driving because he was from the same city where we are going and that was the reason he was joining us. But this wasn't true, I confused things.

Now I really want to do this trip, I think is going to be a lot of fun, I really like my friend and I don't want to miss this chance because of a jealous boyfriend.

Can you please suggest me what to do? Thanks!!!

[awase]

I see where you're coming from, OP. It might feel like your boyfriend is being way too overprotective and a bit of a downer, but I get what he's saying too.

From his perspective, he's going through a majorly stressful part of his life. He may be losing his father, and he needs his support system, which is supposed to start with his girlfriend. It sounds like he's fine with your friend, but this guy you mentioned does sound a little sketchy. If you're choosing to go on this trip with your friend after refusing to go on vacations with him, it's gonna hurt a lot. It sounds like you're both on different levels of maturity; he's on the settle down track and you're still on the party track. His thoughts don't seem jealous, just cautious. He doesn't want you to do something that would damage your relationship while you're drunk, and it sounds like you do plan on getting drunk. So I guess it boils down to this: Do you really love him?

If you choose to go on this vacation instead of staying with him and supporting him in his time of need, there's a 99% chance you'll lose him forever. If the opportunity to go to Holland and hang out with your friend is worth losing him over, it'd probably be better for you both if you broke up with him before hand and went to Holland.

[lovesickheart]

I agree with your boyfriend. If you are in a committed relationship you should not go on a trip with this friend and two other guys. Your post sounds very shallow, and it sounds like he is much more invested in the relationship than you are. Why cant you and this female friend go on a trip without these two other guys? I would bet $1000 that you would end up hooking up with one of the guys if you end up going. I hope you decide not to do it....

[SuperHappyTime1]

Pass on the trip and rearrange another trip with your friend that includes your boyfriend, or dump him.

What's really telling to me is the fact you haven't invited him along on this trip. I understand that his father having health issues means he can't join you. But from your story, you didn't invite him.

If you care about him, you A) wouldn't put yourself into a position into which you could be compromised and B) would want him to be a part of your life.