how do i handle this

[angeld957]

I've been with my girl for 4 months and we've known each other for 7 months. The chemistry is great and we just work really well with each other. The only down fall is that i am "depressed" therefore i have my own issue that causes me to fall into these ruts of mine where my mind bugs out and my insecurities get heightened and i feel like I'm going no where and doing nothing with my life and i just want her to leave for her own benefit of being happier by not having to deal with my issues. YES I told her i love her and its very true. but lately i don't want to be involved with her until I'm better this problems causes tension and i feel like when it arises that I'm just compiling more reason for her to leave (in my head) she says what we go through isn't enough for her to go but that there is only so much she can do to help me herself she also says my needs are taking up alot of the relaitonship. She has recommended therapy which i have called to scheduled an appointment to today, but idk what to do, we're both 21 and i see a lot of room for growth on my part, as well as her but at his point I'm focused on what i need to do become happy on my own to become even happier with her.. i guess what I'm asking is how do i handle this situation , how do i communicate how i feel in letting her know that i truly want to be with her but to not be offended by the time alone i feel i need to improve myself only because i feel like the more she stresses herself out trying to help me the more damage I'm causing to the relationship.

[TheEvilJester]

Depression can be a terrible beast. Let me start off by saying I am so sorry to hear you have to suffer through this. Depression sucks. Whether it is because you actually HAVE reasons to be depressed or because you can't fight it even when you have every reason to be happy.... depression sucks.

I know from experience it will not be an easy task, but this most definitely IS a war worth fighting. You are worth it, whether you can see that or not. I am glad to hear you are starting up therapy. That would certainly have been my first piece of advice had you not already been on your way to that. It is NOT a sign of weakness to admit when you need help, or to accept that help when you need it.

You would not go into battle without your trusty sword, why suffer through depression without the help of a professional who can help you build and develop the weapons you need to win?

Right now, what is SO MUCH more important than anything else is to focus on you. Focus on getting better. If you can't get better, then how is she (or any other woman in the future if, God forbid, you two don't work out) ever going to be able to be happy with you? More importantly, how are you ever going to be happy? So, if that means you don't think you can focus on a relationship with her right now, then just be honest with her about that.

I will say this, battling through this doesn't HAVE TO mean you do it alone. Your relationship with her could possibly be one of the positive influences that helps you in this valiant effort. So, if you do think you can work on this while still also being with her, then why throw away what could be a good thing? On the other hand, as much as you may be crazy about her, if you do honestly feel it would just be too much of a distraction to your efforts, then it would be best just to put things on hold.

You can certainly say it in such as way so as to imply that you want to revisit the possibility of getting back together down the road. In other words, phrase it as though the idea is to take a break, NOT to break up completely. IF that is what you decide to do, though, just understand that this may not work for her. She may not be okay with just waiting around hoping that you come back to her some day. You'd have to understand if that is the case. If that does turn out to be how she feels, but you honestly do think you need to be alone in order to get over this, then it would be best just to let her go.

I can't really tell you which option is going to work for you. Only you know you best. Your therapist may, though, be able to help you sort of think that out and decide what you think is best. They still shouldn't necessarily TELL YOU what to do, but they can at least help you rationalize it out a bit and decide what you feel is best for your specific scenario.

Either way, though, do whatever you have to do to kick depression right in its ugly teeth. Take it from somebody who knows from experience.... just about nobody deserves to suffer through something like this. It is SO worth it to fight this fight. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it once you finally get yourself out of it all. You WILL find your way out. Start off by believing in yourself. Hell, if you can't do that right now, just "fake it til you make it," so to speak. Just start telling yourself you WILL get out of this fog. Soon enough, not only will you start believing it, but you'll start making it happen.

Good luck to you!