Me and my partner met 4 years ago at the age of 19 and have been together for 3 and a half years. Our relationship has always been very loving and caring towards each other and we have supported each other throughout everything (long distance whilst at university, vaginismus, depression).

About a week ago he broke up with me, he told me that he isn't well. He needs time to himself to get better and that it isn't fair to put a strain on our relationship like that and that he needs the independence of overcoming it alone. I was absolutely devastated, the man I had pictured my entire future with and would do anything for had left me. He made it clear that he still loves and cares for me very much, and in fact that's why he broke up with me, to protect me from getting hurt. He told me he wanted to remain friends throughout his recovery time, but when I asked about the possibility of us just taking a break and being together eventually, he said no.

I have made some peace with it. I love him very much and would do anything to make him happy, even be apart for a little while. I truly understand the need for him to do this on his own and have decided to focus time on myself while we're apart. This past week I have focused on building my career and made the decision to quit my day job, as well as anything that doesn't make me happy.

Well today we met for the first time as friends and we were able to talk about so many other things and it felt really comfortable still, not awkward at all. We did have opportunity to talk about us as well, is this the right decision, etc. The conclusion was that we still care for each other deeply and want to spend time around each other, but that we really did need a break. For me it's to gain independence and for him to finally overcome his illness. However he said he isn't sure that we would get back together in the future. My opinion is that the timing just isn't right at the moment and we both need to do a little soul-searching and working on ourselves for a while. My heart is completely sure that once his depression subsides a little, he will be ready to try and make things work together, but what is your advice for in the meantime? Everything hurts so much. I don't want to treat it as a break up as I know that his depression is the only thing in the way and that one day we will be together again. But I don't want to be pining over him constantly and still need to be able to function normally while being apart from the man I love. Also, how do I be friends with him? I always thought of myself as his friend when we were together, we still have amazing chemistry and can cheer each other up and make each other laugh, but how can I avoid bringing up us every time we meet? How can I love him and be there for him when I can't say it to him?





His illness is severe depression. I suffered with depression for a long time and we got through it together. But his depression is so much more than mine was. He lost his mother at a very young age and I don't think he's ever recovered. Of course I understand it must be so hard to try and overcome something like that and that he'll always miss her, but he has carried the pain with him for nearly 7 years and doesn't seem to have really dealt with it. All this pain has been beneath the surface for years, and I think the death of his dog at the beginning of this year has caused him to relapse and shut himself off. Towards the end of the relationship he did become a bit distant, but this was mostly to do with dealing with his dog's death. I knew he had suffered depression, but I didn't realise how bad it was until he broke up with me.