Just a friend? Something more? Plus the catch...

[shiroken]

Hey guys. Super confused right here!

So I've known this girl for a couple of years, we share a mutual interest and see eachother at events occasionally but we hardly ever talked until the last one we went to. We got chatting on facebook after that and have been at it a good 3 weeks and this is where I'm at now.

I can't tell if she's just really friendly/easy going or if she's into me and wants more. From my point of view there are some pretty good indications that she's into me - or would be had it not been for the fact she already has a boyfriend. I'm just totally lost in case she's just a flirty type or what.

We talk daily on facebook and have done for the past 3 weeks. It's always her that initiates the conversation and it lasts for hours. We have heaps in common and love all the same music. She's had problems with depression before and I happened to be around when she was really low and she appreciates me being there for her. According to her, I'm now one of her best friends - seems a bit soon to me but I'm appreciative, and I actually feel the same way.

Ok so nothing out of the ordinary there really, but she's always sending loads of selfies or photos of what she's doing. I don't send selfies to my friends - I don't even send them to my female friends, so I found that a bit odd? More to the point is the kind of selfie she has sent before - I've had bath pictures - nothing at all revealing, just a shoulder and a leg - but I found it strange that thought would even cross someones mind? She even apologised for it, saying it's weird and that I get them because her boyfriend isn't here (out of the country).

Ok so last week she went out partying with a friend, and I actually visited her the day after. On the night she was partying she was a little tipsy and was sending me selfies of her doing heart shapes with her hand and asking me to complete it, and she also kept saying she loves me in the chat, which was followed up by a voice message on facebook saying, "Seriously, you are one of my best friends, and I love you, ok?"

So naturally all kinds of questions started popping off! Did she mean it? How drunk was she? Did she mean love as a friend or more than a friend?

The next day came and I went to her house. This was our first time hanging out together since we got chatting on facebook - bearing in mind this is just 3 weeks after the event where we were almost strangers. I was introduced to the parents (perhaps a formality, so didn't read into that) and given a very long, crushing hug! She commented that I smelled good and hugged me again from behind as I was walking downstairs.

A bit later on we was walking around a home furniture store and she tended to stick pretty close. At one point she grabbed my arm and we walked with arms interlocked. Pretty sure to most people we would have looked like a couple!

Anyway, it was all getting to me a bit, all the confusion and constant messaging back and forth so I disabled my facebook for a bit for some time out and told her and a few other friends, but she's been messaging me periodically asking me to come back to facebook and stuff, so it seems like she is thinking about me. She'll also do other little things like message me randomly at night wishing me a good day or leaving kisses at the end of messages - stuff I'd usually expect from a girlfriend, not a friend. She also got her hair cut in a syle I liked.

But yeah, the whole confusing thing in this matter is the fact that she has a boyfriend. She said it's an open relationship, so I'm not sure if that is of any significance. She'll occasionally say she wants me to meet him and stuff, and has offered to hook me up with her friends (maybe to see my reaction?) which seems kind of contrary to the way she's been acting.

So what do you think? Am I just a friend to her? Am I potentially a partner to her when they break up? Thanks!

[hazey daisy]

From my perspective she is using you to fill the void while her bf is away. She is having an emotional affair with you. She doesn't think she is stepping over any boundaries because sex isn't involved BUT she is.

The only way to deal with this is to have a talk with her. You need to explain to her, that her actions are confusing you and if there is no intention of pursuing this as a romantic relationship, this has to stop because it's not right when she has a BF. Hopefully that will snap her back to reality. She will have to make a choice.

Don't be some shlep that followings her around endlessly hoping to be her BF when she never will be. You will get shell shocked when she doesn't breakup with her BF or gets interested in someone else. Tip: to be more desirable if to be less available.

It's time to cut her off.

[shiroken]

Hey thanks. So to follow up...

She messaged me to ask why we don't seem to be talking as much and asked if she had done anything wrong. I told her I was just creating some space, hoping that she'd end up getting talking to someone else because I was starting to get feelings for her.

So I basically bought up some of the points above and asked her where we stand kind of thing. I sent a pretty long message and she replied with this

" I do love you! I do consider you one of my best friends since we talk a lot and I care about you. I may not love you on a romantic level like I do my boyfriend, but I still love you

You're a really nice person and I want to be your friend. I was worried I came on too strong. I didn't want it to seem like I liked you romantically, but maybe i don't know how to hold back. Sometimes I'm too honest I guess."


Case closed I guess? Kind of wish I didn't ask now because it was nice thinking she might like me. Is that me firmly in the non romantic zone now or do you think that could change if she becomes single?

Thanks for your help!

[hazey daisy]

I have put many of guys in the friends zone. I never had a change of heart or wanted to date any guy I have friend zoned, and here's why- Girls brains work with their emotions while guys brains work on the physical side of things. Girls can be emotionally attached without romantic/sexual feelings, while guys cannot. If a guy gets emotionally attached he is sexually charged. This is why things get muddled in translation.

**If she really was hot for you she would dump her bf in a heartbeat. Girls never miss an opportunity to go after what they desire. So to answer your question....yup she is being pretty firm about it. BFFs is all you are going to get.

The reason she has you as a friend and is so emotionally charged is because this part is lacking in her relationship with her bf. You are giving her attention (special attention fueled by attraction) which makes her feel special. It's very addicting and she is willing to push the right buttons to get it. What girls like that don't realize is the pain and anguish they are putting these poor guys through.