"Take it or leave it?"- what are we now??

[mistercaptain11]

Sup guys,

Ive been kinda depressed recently, racking my brain about that girl and i cant come
to a solution which is why i really hope you guys can help me out 😩
but let me just start from the beginning...
So there is this girl who i knew from different parties and stuff but never had the courage to speak to her and then, two years ago, she came to my class and sat next to me since she recognized me yeah whatever... Anyway we started talking more and more and became best friends ...even more than that. Like we couldnt imagine a day without calling eachother in the morning to make sure we are awake and phone eachother for a good night call. We could talk for hours! Then we came to this point where we both developed feelings for eachother but couldnt really admit it because we where afraid to destroy the friendship.
However a couple of months ago we were talking after a couple of drinks and kinda admited that we have feelings for eachother but it was complicated.
A week later a couple of friends and I were partying at her place. They all left and it was just the two of us. She asked me if i could bring her to bed cuz she felt tired...then we started making out...it felt soooo right. As if we were surpressing our feelings to let them all out at this moment. It was amazing.
However we kept doing this friends with benefits thing for like 3 months and we loved it! She called me at nearly every possibility to come over!
But then, i think its two months ago now, she started making excuses why i couldnt come over and i didnt really overthink it... But after a month i felt skeptical and talked to her about it. She said she did that to avoid hurting my feelings but she wants to "find herself" and start working out and change herself and stuff...
I didnt really get why she did that cuz she was clearly enjoying our kind of relationship but i didnt wanna lose her as a friend so i said that it was Ok.
The problem is now...it really isnt ok.
Were talking everyday for hours and I know she still likes me cuz when im mad at her or ignore her phone calls she starts crying and tries everything to make it up.
But i just cant stand talking to her on saturday mornings after she was partying with her friends and telling me stories about guys she met and stuff...
I really tried my best to ignore that and just stay friends but i just cant...
Any advice what i could do?
My dream scenario would be to get back to being friends with benefits.
I mean that would at least be something...
Anybody thinks this is possible?
I could really use some help right now....

[TheEvilJester]

Anything is certainly possible. You won't know unless you try. Here's the thing.... obviously being "just friends" is not working out for you. It would be one thing if it worked just fine. Then, maybe that would be an argument for possibly considering not rocking the boat. However, it doesn't work for you anymore, so what do you honestly even have to lose? If you try to ask her out, but it doesn't go well, at least you can know and move on. On the other hand, if it does go well, then you have what you want.

Speaking of.... I would decide for sure what you want before you proceed. Do you want to be "friends with benefits" or do you really want to be in an actual serious relationship. Hopefully this experience of suddenly going back to being just her friend is enough to show you that you should not settle. So, if you really want to the chance to actually date her seriously, don't settle for just going back to the "friends with benefits" situation. In that case, ask her about becoming an actual couple, and if that does not work for her it would likely be your best bet to distance yourself from her.

Either way, you need to talk to her about what it is you want and ask if she feels the same way. Also, keep in mind that she is well within her rights to feel however she feels. You were both two consenting adults agreeing to every step of your friendship/relationship so far. So, though I know it will certainly hurt if you try and she rejects you, you shouldn't make her feel bad about that. All the same, though, if that happens it would probably be best not to be her friend anymore. You can be "friendly." You don't have to be rude or mean to her. But, it would not be good for you to keep so closely and so often in contact with her. You would need to move on and eventually heal and allow yourself to find somebody else.

Though, there is just as much of a chance that she could want more as well. Maybe she seemed to feel like it wasn't going anywhere, so she got scared and back-pedaled. Maybe she will be happy/relieved to find out that you want more. You will never know unless you talk to her about it.

Good luck to you.