Dilemma! Embarrassed about online 'relationship'

[grrarghh]

Hello!

I never post on forums but my situation has completely messed me up and I'm embarrassed about it to be honest.

Long story short, I've been chatting to this girl online for 3+ years. We live in diff countries. I'm also female if that helps with any advice. We've sent photos but never phoned or video called (It's not Catfishy, just stupid!) It's me who hasn't been that willing to do it but we were comfortable with that. We just genuinely feel/felt a connection.

Yes, I know there'll be people who are sceptical. I, myself, was too at first and wanted nothing to do with someone online, not like this.

Anyway, she kept pushing me to be something 'more' and I just wasn't interest/couldn't. But soon enough I just could not stop thinking about her and after years of going back and forth, I gave in and said let's do this. Then she decided to tell me she's aromantic and this is all new territory for her (falling in love, relationships make her uncomfortable etc), which I was obviously not happy about because I felt like I'd been messed around especially after all we'd been through and how pushy she was to be more than friends.

This whole situation is toxic and confusing and even I don't know how we could ever be classified as 'in a relationship' without having phoned, vidded etc ?????? But I ////cannot//// for the life of me get over her, move on from her, stop thinking about her etc. I think it's the fact that our friendship/whatever we were has been online, that I feel like I cannot escape it.

I'd rather be friends than nothing at all but I feel jealous when she flirts with others. So, I'm trapped.

I know how ridiculous and sad this all sounds, believe me, which is why I need any advice!

She wanted nothing to do with me as of less than a week ago (we hadn't texted for a few weeks because of an argument. She was hurt about something I said, though it felt a bit like an easy way out.), i asked if she wants us to move on and let go and she simply said 'Yes.' Again, this aggravated me because I never asked to be in this situation but here I am, unable to let go.

She said if we were to be friends again, she'd need to be the one to come to me first. Then, she sends me a voice message yesterday saying she was in a car accident, also saying she misses me and loves me. She also sent a pic of her in hospital. But it's the first time she's sent a voice message. AArghhh. She's ok and at home recovering.

I'm just so mad at myself and embarrassed that I even 'fell' for someone online! I have no idea how to let go. I've stopped social media but it hasn't seemed to help.

I've skipped a lot of what happened in between but this has been the gist of it. What I feel for her /feels/ 'real'. But I know there's a thousand things wrong with this situation and it makes me feel like a crazy person. Can you really blame me hahaha. Help???

[bloodtippedrose]

You can be emotionally in love with someone without ever seeing them physically and the love is very, very real. I met people on a game called Second Life which is not really a game so much as a chat room with custom avatars. People get into relationships in that game, even while being married in real life, they say the relationships are are just for fun, but when those relationships end, there is real crying involved, and real hurt.

It sounds like she liked the idea of being in a relationship but when it started getting real, she got scared and backed out. Seems unfair to you but she didn't think you'd actually go for it, you are just an imaginary toy in her world after all. First off you need to realize after falling for her it will only cause pain to be "just friends." It won't work out. It's either all or nothing. For your own sake, since she has backed out of making this a real thing, I would go nothing. Cut all contact with her. ALL of it. Think about what you learned from being in this situation to help you move on. You need to have some "me time" right now. Take a break from being online so much. Do art, jog, redecorate, whatever, talk it out with someone, if no one in person this forum is great to vent too. After a few weeks of reflecting on your breakup you should start putting yourself in social situations to help make friends in "real" life. If you are feeling really really depressed, rejected, or suicidal you may need to talk to a pro.

Falling in love with someone online is sort of like falling in love with a book character, you can read their lines and imagine them to look like whatever you want, but when they make the movie that is not what you had in mind at all. You're more so falling in love with your own ideas.