Mixed feelings for this guy. Any advice?

[lilsunfl0wer97]

MY STORY

Here's my story on how all this started. I met this guy at my job, he's 20, and I'm 19. At first he would always help me out with my work if he saw I needed assistance, then it carried on when it was just us two and he asked me out to Starbucks. I kindly told him I wasn't free, and he didn't get upset. This quickly changed. So a few nights later, I'm laying bed and I'm thinking about him suddenly. Why? I couldn't help myself but to think why did I turn him down. The next morning, I went in search for him at work, and told him that I missed him, and he looked at me shocked and responded "Really? Hold up, let me get your number!" We exchanged numbers. He even told others that he likes me, but then another he says I'm a cool person. Happy right? Wrong. The first time we text, it was amazing. He showed me all his tattoos, he was having a conversation with me. As time progressed, he's been boring, send one messages and hardly ever text me first.. Recently, one day he sent me a text message and he simply put and I quote:

"I think we should stay friends for awhile because I don't have time to be able to spend with you how a normal boyfriend would, just at least til I can get my life together I don't want to bring someone else down in my life and drag them through the current hell I am going through."

I was in shocked. I kept thinking to myself, was it something I said, something I done? I knew I had to stop thinking about myself and put myself in his shoes. He recently stressing over financial crisis and his car being in the shop. I took a few steps back and let us be friends, but how can I be friends with him and my feelings are only growing stronger? Ever since he sent that text,
he ignores me, he doesn't act the way he was before, like I'm not even here anymore.. Another pointer, he might be closet gay. Yes, closet gay. He's always talking about dicks, ( I don't know if guys usually talk about that!) He's always touching on other co-workers from behind, singing and dancing. People assume he's gay but I don't want to assume as well. He's always on my mind, I don't want to come off as needy or desperate, my head is spinning from so much confusion. I just need some advice on how to fix this. And to all who patiently read this, thank you. I have no friends to talk to this about so it sucks, but really thank you.

[TheEvilJester]

Believe me, I know how you feel. But, the most important thing you need to do is to stop wondering what you did. If you are being honest with yourself and you honestly can't think of anything you could have done to make him change tunes so quickly, then chances are that is because there is nothing you did. It could just be that he wasn't that into you and wanted to let you down easily. It could be that he's a jerk who does this to a lot of women. It could be that he's actually being 100% honest, that he has a lot of crap going on in his life, he just can't see having a relationship with anybody right now, and he's being a good guy by being honest with you about that instead of stringing you along or putting you through all that drama.

Without knowing him a little better, and without being able to read minds, you really have no way to know. So don't beat yourself up over that or speculate too much on it. Just do what feels most right to you. If you can remain friends with him and it does not cause you to just feel stuck in limbo wishing you could be more than friends, then go for it. You never know where fate may take you. However, if it is too hard to be around him as a friend because it just makes you want to be more, then it may be best for you to keep your distance.

I wouldn't say you be rude to him about it, or actively tell him to go away. You can be "friendly" I just wouldn't suggest being friends. Not if it just hurts you too much and/or keeps you stuck in limbo unable to remain open to possible relationships elsewhere.

Now, is he gay or not? Again, you can't really know. You can speculate or look for clues, but it isn't like you would ever know for sure unless he wanted to tell you. So, that is sort of a moot point in this instance. I would hope if he IS gay that he wouldn't put you or any other gal through that confusing and painful experience of pretending to be straight and into them only to actually secretly be gay. So, if he IS, maybe this is honestly his way of trying to keep that to himself, but still not string you along and hurt you.

Maybe it will turn out he is not gay. In time, maybe he'll get through his current drama in life (we all have crap happen now and then) and maybe then he will actually reach back out. If you happen to still be single at the time, great. But, don't wait around and effectively put your own life on holding hoping for something that may never happen. Good luck to you.

[melancholia]

His text to you seemed honest and sincere. You can't force a relationship. If he was ready to be with you, I am sure he would be. Fact is, he's not. You shouldn't waste your time waiting around for him to get his sh.it together, because that day may never come. About him being gay or not... so what? If he is gay, it's up to him to decide that, and to admit it if he wants. Speculating his sexual orientation based on observations of his behavior is stupid, and inappropriate. Besides, if you think he is gay, why would you bother pursuing a relationship with him?

I think you need to leave this alone at this point. Clearly he isn't in a position to dedicate his energy to another person. You should start focusing on other things you have going on in your life that are positive. Find something good that will distract you from the crush you have. Eventually, your feelings for him will fade, and you will move on with someone else.