Cant understand the feelings of My Boyfriend

[sana.luqman]

Me and my bf are together from 10 years. We spend a very good time, we know each other's Family and also met with both families. My bf is totally committed to me and we live a life in which we both are a very important part of our day. My bf has many family tensions and responsibilities thats why he used to be in bad mood mostly but i always try to make him smile. Shortly i can say that everything is fine between us but my bf has a image of me like a vamp. He thinks that i always want to fight, he dont understand that i also need some special things once in a year. He never give me gifts on my birthday, he never want to hang out with me, he never want to have a lunch with me at some romantic place, he never like long romantic ride with me and i like all these things and want them. Whenever i request him for one of that thing, he always refuses. He just like to meet me at my home and whenever i called him to come to my home he always come. It was his birthday and i was planning from 1 month and i've decided to go for a romantic dinner, i choose a very romantic yet an expensive restaurant but when i request him to please meet me on his birthday, he refuses straightforwardly, he refuses three time so i got hyper and i fought with him. Next day he said something very bad about my past and i got too much hurt, the same night it was his bday but i was so much hurted so i wished him and keep quite, he sent me many texts but i didnt reply and he gone mad, the next morning i give him gifts and turned back to home, i just met him for 5 minutes just to give him gifts, after that we had a big fight and he said many big and harsh things like he said that u made my life hell, i gave u more love and respect which u dont deserve. He really broke my heart, after that we dont talk to each other for 6 days but he message me and said u were wrong but i apologize but please dont text me now. Now i cant understand what he really wants??? When i give him utmost love and do everything special to make him smile but even then he says that i made his life hell? I dont deserve his love? And when i stop talking to him, he goes mad and he dont like my silence. Please help me what i should do now??
One more thing, he has a female friend to whom he is really close and he likes her very much as a friend, they both have same office so they meet everyday. He used to go out for lunch with his female friend, he also met her on his birthday. She cooked for him and bring special dishes to office for him. Many things that i want from him, he gives to his female friend but His friend is engaged and she is going to marry in next month.

[TheEvilJester]

You say that you are both a very important part of each other's day.... but yet then you say you two don't go out to do anything together, you don't go to any romantic dinners/dates, you don't hang out, and he doesn't do anything special for events like your birthday or his. What exactly DO you two do together? Because, to be honest with you, that basically sounds like a friendship to me, not a relationship. I can't blame you for being upset. I wouldn't be okay with that either.

Don't get me wrong. Things like romantic dates, birthdays, special dates, etc. shouldn't be the most important thing in the world. Relationships aren't about those days, they are about EVERY day together..... but that doesn't make it okay to ignore them. It is important to take advantage of those special moments as an excuse to take a step away from every day life and show your appreciation for each other. If he can't even do that, then whether or not it is his intention, that makes you feel like you AREN'T important to him. Like you aren't special to him.

To be honest, my gut reaction is that maybe you just deserve better. You shouldn't have to force somebody to treat you like you are special to them. If they don't do that on their own, then maybe they don't deserve you in the first place. However, you say you two have been together for 10 years. Sometimes people just get too complacent in their relationship and don't mean to sort of check out, but don't realize that they have.

I think your first move should be to talk to him about how you feel. You've done that... sort of. The thing is, it sounds like that has only really been in the heat of the moment when you are upset. When you are upset about something is exactly the wrong time to talk to the person about it. That is when your emotions are heightened and you are likely to react out of hurt and anger rather than with a cool head. So, best to wait. Take time to think about what seems to have gone wrong and how it all makes you feel. Think about what you want.

Then, have an intimate, sit down, one on one conversation with him. Don't make it like you are accusing him of doing anything wrong. More so, approach the conversation as though your assumption is that he doesn't mean to make you feel this way, but that his actions make you feel (insert your own thoughts/feelings here). Just as one example "I know you don't mean to make me feel unappreciated, but when we never do anything special on dates like my birthday or your birthday it just makes me feel like I'm not important. I want us to be able to celebrate special dates like that together, not just treat them like they are any other day."

Bottom line, though.... You should never have to convince somebody that you are worth having in their life. If he can't appreciate you enough to make you feel wanted/special to him, then maybe he doesn't deserve you in the first place. Believe me, I hope I'm wrong.... but more than that, I hope you care enough about yourself to do what is best for you, even if it turns out to be the hard thing. Good luck.