Running on empty

[rob_UK]

I’ve been resisting talking about this and reading a couple of forums on the subject.

I’ve been seeing/dating a girl for around four months and a couple of weeks ago she told me she has lost feelings for me.

We are both runners so know each other through the running club we’re both members off so this is how we met so we were friends originally.

Long story short we had been flirting with each other in July and this has lead onto some heavy moments over the month and build of sexual tension to the point where one night we started heavily kissing at a friends birthday party.

After this we started to get more into each other and pretty much enjoying each other’s company and getting more physical and seeing each more, going out for dinner etc. We went away to France for a short running trip with another Friend (girl) where she became a little distance so I asked her if I made her feel uncomfortable but she said no and we had some nice times in the pool etc.

When we came back, we walked back to her place where she was hesitant in kissing me and told me it wasn’t a good idea so I walked off in a huff but she called me back and asked me to come in and talk. She told me she is not very good in relationships and that her previous relationship hadn’t gone good. She has been single for three years so become pretty independent I guess.

I told her I would be fine to take things slowly and see how we go and she seemed happy. We had some good times together over the next couple of months but thinking back now I probably came on too strong at points and didn’t respect her space enough. I would ask if she fancied meeting up although I was open to her saying no if she wasn’t up to it but always said yes. It wasn’t all the time but we would see each other at the running club so I suppose it felt we were seeing each other more.

Four weeks ago I felt she wasn’t herself like she used to be and asked do you want to be friends, she said yes, which kind of shocked me. The following week I was texting her, which I shouldn’t had done really and then sent some flowers a few days later with a small message. Basically we tried again but a few weeks in things weren’t right and she told me she lost her feelings for me.

She told me she likes me more than a friend but still wants to retain her independence which I totally get and there are things which I should be doing but I think I got caught up in this whole thing and lost my way a little.

Last couple of weeks I’ve been trying to play it cool. I said to her I still want to be friends with her as we see each at the running club still so don’t want anything to weird.

I’m not sure when she got them but she bought tickets to take me to the theater to see book of Mormon on my birthday (this Friday) which she is still happy to take me and I’m happy to go.

We still text each other now and keeping the conversation light and having a laugh.

Does it sound silly to try and take things back to how we were originally where everything seemed relaxed and start again? I’m wondering if she still does like me. She's told me she does feel comfortable around me and likes to snuggle with me (her words)

I’m not deluded and realise I need to continue with my own life and I can’t change someone’s feeling. I know there are other girls too.

Basically I do really like her, she has great banter, we have a few things in common, comedy, running (she’s not into as much as me but loves the trails) outdoor kind of person.

Hopefully this makes sense, I’ve tried to keep it short.

[Markdg61]

Hi Rob,
It sounds like she really tried to have feeling for you but was uncomfortable with the feelings she had. I can totally relate because I was in a 6 month relationship with a woman that I fell in love with. She said she loved me but not in the way I wanted her to. I knew in myself heart that it didn't have anything to do with me, she had been in some bad relationships and wasn't ready to fall in love. I finally had to break it off and she understood. It hurt for a little while but I got over it. That was about 3 years ago and to this day we are closer than ever. We love each other dearly as friends. We talk and get together once and a while for dinner and drinks.

Maybe you should give her some time and see if things change, be a good friend to her. If anything, you can have a great relationship as friends.