Should I forgive my gf for sleeping over in her male friends bed?

[ketinggonan]

Hi,

I recently found out that my girlfriend have been sleeping in her male friends apartment and that they have shared the bed. This is a total of 3 nights over the course of about 2 months.

They slept with clothes on in a 47 inch bed. They shared cover. All of the nights were on weekends when they (together with their friends) had been out drinking. He lives very close to her dads house (where she should have been staying), so they ended up in his apartment to "just chill and talk".

She didnt tell me all of this. I found out by putting some pressure on the male friend and asking him.

I have found "proof" that they didnt "do anything" - kisses, cuddle or sex. I dont want to make this too long, so I'll skip the details on how I got this. Just assume it is this way.

One of the nights she fell aslepp on the couch but woke up and walked to his bed to sleep with him there. She says to me that this was because she "felt lonely".

I dont really know what to make of this. I'm convinced that they didnt do anything, but at the same time I'm very upset and hurt that she slept in the same bed with him... She could have used the couch or just walked home (very short distance).

What do you think? Should I forgive her? Im 26, she is 25. We have been together 2,5 years.

[melancholia]

Don't ask us if you should forgive her, ask yourself. Is her behavior forgivable? What about her sleeping in her friend's bed makes you feel insecure? Is it because you think she may have feelings for him? Have you talked to your GF about this?

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed with melancholia. We can't really tell you what to do because that has to be a decision you feel, as much as it should also be one you make intellectually. I will say this.... I definitely can't blame you for being upset with this.

Even if they did nothing and you know that for a fact..... I still personally can't see how in the blue Hell they wouldn't think that was weird/inappopriate/wrong. I mean, if I had a girlfriend, I would NEVER sleep in the same bed as a female friend. Honestly, maybe it is just me, but I'd never sleep in the same bed as a female friend in the first place.

Even if sleeping is quite literally all that is happening, sharing a bed is far too intimate a thing in my opinion. So, yeah, I can definitely understand why you are upset. Thing is, maybe she just doesn't see it that way. And, Hell, if she really didn't do anything more than just sleep, maybe to her that just isn't such a big deal. I may think that makes her crazy, but maybe that is just where her and I differ. LOL!

So, I guess she didn't necessarily do anything wrong per se.... but you definitely aren't wrong either for being upset about it. If it bothers you enough, I guess just try to talk to her about it when you have cooled down a bit. Just something like "I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me, so please know I'm not accusing you of that. I realize maybe it is just me, but I'm just not comfortable with something like that. So, just going forward, I'd appreciate it if that didn't happen again." Something like that, but obviously put it in your own words.

Maybe she's lying and has feelings for him, maybe she's being 100% truthful and really just didn't even think of what that could seem like to you. You won't know by speculating, and you'll only invent worse and worse stories in your own head and that will not help. Good luck.

[richiro]

You are absolutely convinced she didn't have sex with him or got romantic with him? What is this proof?

As far as whether you should forgive her or not. I can't answer that for you. The others are right that that's only a judgment call you can make. Now if you want to hear where I'd be on that - i would absolutely be a little bit upset. But I don't think I would get on somebody for not walking or driving to another house or apt to go sleep late at night in a drunken state. I just wouldn't because that could be dangerous and at that point it's not about ME.. but about their safety.

Did she make poor judgment calls or not necessarily the best ones? Yeah.. she was drunk! of course!

For me.. i'd be judging this moreso on her seemingly need to get drunk and make bad decisions and myu concern for that and whether i wanted to be with that - moreso than if she and her friend (who didn't have sex or kissed) it was right to sleep in the same bed or not. (and for me.. that wouldn' be an issue if i absolutely knew nothing went on).

[Pistach1985]

I think I'd be upset but it all depends on your relationship boundaries I guess. Worth speaking to her about it.