How to contact girl from dance class

[universal-014]

Hi, I’m new to this forum so apologies if I’ve put this in the wrong place.

Basically, I’m a 23 year old male and I go to these dance classes, normally twice a week. Most of the people there are a lot older, in their 40’s plus, but recently a group of younger girls about my age have been coming. There’s three of them, but normally only one or two turn up. They have told me only their first names, not surnames, but I’ve been able to find them on Facebook.

Out of these three, the one who doesn’t turn up as often has only been twice. The last time I saw her, towards the end of the night I found out that apparently she likes me, another guy who attends these classes told me. I unfortunately had to leave though as it was late, but now I feel like a complete idolt as I failed to get her number and she hasn’t turned up to the classes since (last time I saw her was the week before valentine’s day). One of the friends has turned up, but not her. I think the main reason she hasn’t turned up though is because she has been working when the class is on.

I want to ask her out or get her number. So what do I do next? From what I can think of, I have the following options, unless someone can come up with something else:
1. Give up and move on. The most simple option, but it’s hard to forget her when you’re dancing with her friends. Plus I don’t know who might turn up instead of her in the future.
2. Keep going to the classes and hope that one day she will turn up again. Obviously, this might not happen. Also I’m afraid that by waiting too long she won’t like me anymore.
3. Ask one of her friends to convince her to come back? I do have the number of one of the friends, just not her.
4. I add her as a friend on Facebook and send a message. But could this look like I’m a bit of a stalker, without knowing her surname or adding one of the other friends first (since we have no mutual friends)? My profile isn’t exactly great as I very rarely post on it. Whilst I’m pretty sure she is single, her Facebook still shows images from a previous long term relationship.

[Hooo!]

hello this is universal-014 from dance class. I saw you there twice and thought you are quite cute
i wanted to get to know you better so i thought Id send you a message and say hi.

take it from there.
If you are no good at text messaging then just fix a time where you two can take a coffee or whatever.

[TheEvilJester]

I will say this. If it were me I would not message her on Facebook. Under the circumstances, she hadn't even as much as shared her last name with you, so if I were you I would feel too weird doing that. BUT.... I readily admit that maybe that's just me. I don't know. Maybe there'd be nothing wrong with that, so hopefully some others have thoughts on that.

However, what I think WOULD be perfectly okay would be to talk to one of her friends who HAS still been coming to the class. Just something like "Hey, weren't you here with <insert girl's name here>? I kinda wanted to talk to her but didn't get a chance last time she was here. Do you know if she's planning to come back?"

If possible, you can even maybe give the friend your phone number and ask her to pass it along. Something like that. So, I think that would be my personal advice. I would not suggest you just move on and forget her at this point because why not take a chance on going for it? It would be different if she disappeared and you had no way to contact her. Then it would be better just to forget her and move on. But there does still seem to be a few ways you could try to get in touch with her. So, better to give it a try rather than to leave yourself wondering what if. Good luck!

[universal-014]

Thank you TheEvilJester for the advice. I agree with not contacting her on Facebook as that seems a bit weird without knowing more about her, but thought it might be an option if nothing else is available.

I did ask her friend where she was, but I haven’t asked if she is coming back. In previous weeks they did ask if I could make it to another dance event on a different night of the week (which I couldn’t make), so I guess I could ask them if they are doing one of these ‘other’ dances again and if she is also going to it.

It would be good to pass on my phone number, but I don’t know how to ‘smoothly’ ask her friend to pass it on if you know what I mean without sounding too desperate.

Thanks Hooo!, but the main problem here is that I don’t have her number in the first place.

It probably won’t be until next week that I see one of her friends again (or hopefully even her). I just wish I had spoken to her more on the night!

[melancholia]

I think the younger you are (teen to mid 20s), sending someone a message on FB isn't that weird. I would send a short, simple message but don't send a friend request right away. If you are already friends with her mutual friends on FB, the message will go to her direct inbox and not the OTHER inbox that we all have and are scared to look at.

I may be the only one who thinks this, but giving your number to her friend sounds like a worse idea to me. Communication can get misinterpreted really easily when you do that. I say ask via FB or try and find another class to go to that she might be at, and find that out from her friends.

Or give up because this sounds like a lot of work for one girl you saw twice.

[Hooo!]

can you do me a favour clara? I think *girlsnamehere* is quite cute and since i know she can almost never make it here because of work I wanted to grab a coffee with her. But i dont have her number. can you pass mine along to her and say hi from me? That would be very kind of you.

you only sound desperate if you feel desperate or if your intention is desperate.
If your intention is to get to know the girl, to spend a little time together and see if you are compatible and see if maybe there is common ground for a relationship, or ****buddies or whatever you want - that is strong that is pure and its nothing to be desperate about it. If the girl doesnt want - or your time together isnt really nice after all, then you got what you wanted anyhow. If your intention is to convince her to have sex with you at the earliest note possible - THAT is desperate.

If you have balls you could even tell clara (or whatever her name is) that you wanted to **** *girls* brains out, but you didnt have her number so if shed be willing to pass it on?
Im not for this ballsy approach but i have known men who would do exactly that and would get away with it.
It doesnt depend on the words. It only gets desperate if you try to "hide" anything or "make her" do anything she might not want.

e.g. "oh hello clara, i have seen *girlsnamehere* jacket and i thought it was really nice. i wanted her to ask where she got it but dont have her number, so could you please pass mine along" <-- that would be desperate. You use lame excuse and EVERYONE knows what you are really after.


PS if you dont feel comfortable messaging her then dont. Do what you are comfortable with (most cases)

[universal-014]

Thanks melancholia. I’m going to call her Alison. We don’t have any mutual friends on there at present, but I can add a friend of Alison who also goes dancing first and then send the message once accepted. If I did send a message via Facebook, should I be direct (e.g. ask on a date) or ask if she is coming back to the classes and then ask for a date if/when she is at the class? That’s what I’m trying to figure out.

Hooo!, I’m a very patient person so I wouldn’t rush into that at all! I would just like to get to know her first. I am comfortable with messaging, so I might do what melancholia has suggested. Or I could send her something like your previous post, but on Facebook rather than as a text since I don’t have her number.

[melancholia]

If you are more interested in just getting to know her first, then send her a message asking if she's planning on coming back to that dance class, and then take it from there. If you're too direct right off the bat, it may send a message that you didn't intend to. Just reach out to her and be simple, and to the point, and go from there.

[universal-014]

Thanks for the help everyone. I sent the message yesterday afternoon. Now it's just a case of playing the waiting game and hopefully I'll get a reply.

[MartinOhm]

Well I was going to post suggesting not to ask her on facebook but in person or via her friends if she is interested but nice to see you sent a message and see how it goes. Do not be sad if you never get a reply but I do see some chance as she shows interest but then again she may be too shy to answer back. Anyway let´s see.