What can I do? We have no contact but I GUESS we liked each other. Please read:)

[Sunstark]

Hello guys,

a little bit long story but it needs to be that detailed!

there was this man I got to know about a yr ago. I had an immediate crush on him when I first saw him because he was so my type. I have to add, he is a lecturer at university and maybe 6 yrs my senior. The thing is that eventually I landed in a seminar he gave and we were only 9 people so things could get more intimate than normally. In hindsight I really thought that he liked me. I always kept on looking up webpages on signs he likes you and from my gut feeling many signs were really there. I guess that's why I looked it up in the first place.
When I really started to believe that he cares was when I asked him a question via email and he answered in pretty long manner and was always asking for reassurance if this was helpful for me. Also when I realized that my mail was the first one he responded to (because it was very early in the morning) and when I reanswered he wrote back in about 5 minutes later. It may sound like nothing but this guy is known for not responding at all or not at all... kinda. E.g., when I asked a fellow student that she should ask him this and that she later told me that she never got a response (which is actually kinda bad because after all he is an instructor). But then again when I write him some fun stuff he doesn't have anything to say.
Then I say him at a train station one day and when he saw me he came over but something made him stay away and then he kind of went away to the hinf part of the platform.
That day I wrote him that I found it funny he was there and that I found it a pity he went away so quickly. No answer to this. Yet, I kinda didn't expect him to answer. He only answers when I ask for something, kinda.

Then on the monday after that I called him in the morning (okay sound kinda stalkerish but it wasn't) to ask him if we could discuss the topics. When he was on the phone he sounded so familiar to me and he was so open. And he said I could come by this afternoon (to the consultation hour which he said was prob three but he got it wrong). I said, if tomorrow was okay also and he said, okay, then at 11? I said okay, umm. Then I decided to go there this afternoon before I had an exam afterwards.


When I went there the door was open and he was on the phone. I decided to wait outside and look at posters and I heard him on the phone he was kind of being stressed by something? Then shortly after that he said in a weird voice: "Yes?" And I hesitated a bit because the yes didn't sound like it came from a person that is ready to let someone in his office. I then just got my things together to try to be as professional as possible and also kind of to let hang out that everything is fine and how it should be. And then he started to lighten up. And I just sat in front of him and quickly opened my book and asked the questions and I guess I made him feel comfortable he kindof leaned over and started drawing his notion of the problem into my book (without asking but it was really okay to me, I just reasoned that moment that it is kinda rude maybe). And the talking about the subject was really invigorating. And he was very happy then. I have left the door open behind me so it would not make any wrong assumptions on anything. But actually the talk was great yet I had to keep myself together because this guy is not very stable somehow... like also the way he had this tortured look on his face....

Than suddendly his guyfriend who is his collegue popped by to talk. My instructor made him know that I was there and that this could wait. Of course I was kinda, no this is not right. And I said to his guyfriend: "Two more minutes and then I'm done." Yet, the instructor said: No. As far as I know her this will take longer (with a smile). I thought to myself: That is not true. I usually don't need that much time. Then we kind of went on. But I was really like... oh okay, where is this going? I tried for myself to keep this whole thing as casual as possible. Eventually, it was okay for his guyfriend to come in. The atmosphere has become inviting or a bit lighter. Then he sat down in this friendly atmosphere and my instructor asked me if I know him. And I said "yeah I know him. We drove to a field site together once." Unfortunately his guyfriend isn't the most open of persons so it was kind of not so easy to build on that.
Then he told him who I was and what I did in the course and he was almost raving on what I have accomplished. I thought: Okay, you are exaggerating a little bit I don't know I had a good romantic feeling in this. But yeah. Also did he tease me here and the. Like: Miss T is being a little confused again now because maybe I was looking confused at some stage. And I realized he cared that I felt comfortable. For instance: when I said I'm not knowledgeable on this (German: nicht im Bilde sein) he was like: You think you are uneducated (nicht gebildet)? And most of all, I felt like a was totally allowed to watch anything in this room. Even the private things I was invited to observe and yeah, I had the feeling he wanted to see me e.g. that he likes this singer etc. pp.



Okay, this story is getting a little long now. At some stage I said I needed to go because also suddedly his secretary popped up yet he kinda sent her away yet the feel of her lingering there and kinda wanting something was too much and I had the feeling that this would become a long encounter if noone stopped this. So I said I need to go. And I went.

Oh and one more thing: He is always trying to look me in the eye while talking. And when I'm at time like: THis is kindergarten and I really want to look him in the eye like normal adult people he looks down like he was shy or so. Also I remember him once dressing up for me in the seminar (where I thought why a date on a seminar?) and it was really an experience (he referred to me as "his girl" -> that's my girl when I had the answer to a thing. it was a little possessive and inappropriate in this setting so I kind of tried to put it aside like it hasn't been said). After the seminar was done I just left him there because I was scared and hadn't expected such a thing (the date thing). I immediately regretted it and wrote him a message and said that we could talk about one specific issue tomorrow before the colloquium. Then he said that week he had no time. That was a blow for me. He wrote that we talk about it the next week.

Anyway, I saw him at the colloquium the next day and I tried to stay invisible in the students crowd because I didn't know what to make of everything and really didn't want him to know I was there. When he entered he didn't see me but then only sat like a meter away from me. I guess he didn't really know I was there. I saw him glancing at the door sometime. I guess he knew I was there when I had a question to the speaker. Haha. I also sensed him being a little shy (almost like hearing him say does she really like me because after all I wrote him this message the day before) and my instinct actually was to put my hand on his to kind of reassure him or calm him down or show my interest. And I was very determined that I would do that after the colloquium. But after that he kind of ran to his colleagues and of course I didn't dare to follow him there and I went outside with my friend.

Also one thing is that at some point he really was totally open with me. He stood there so vulnerable (after a seminar) and my thought was that he looks like a man who is achieving so much in work but is not getting any recognition for that. I wanted to show him that he is a great man but that time I felt I wasn't in the position to do this ad I just looked at him and went.



One last thing: He was also sometimes watching me orjust looking at me during the course especially always when I was looking out of the window. I kind of felt his gaze lingering on me but I thought, yeah maybe I'm radiating some calm so he likes watching me


Okay, thanks for going through all or some of this.

My resumee is: He kind of liked me (or still does). Also, I think this guy has some issues because sometimes I feel like being ina very precarious situation when with him. On the other hand I also feel protected by him as far as he is able to provide. And I kind of think that I might not have been showing enough to encourage him in case he was interested.

I really would like ot get to know him or at least try. But I kind of got scared... the type of: What if he doesn't like me or reciprocate on this. I mean after all he didn't make any moves beside the ones within the course but not like outside in the real world.

Sometimes I even had the urge to just send him a little picture to brighten his day (May of an animal or so) but yeah... I have this instinct and my first feeling is: I could just send him a little text or anything. But then fear sets in.


Any advice? Do you think he was just being friendly? And: If he wasn't just friendly, how would chances be that he would still say no (okay, hard to answer I'll ask anyway).

Thanks for answers!
Regards!

[Hooo!]

It doesnt matter.
If you dont contact him there will be no contact.
If you want contact you have no choice but to contact him.

I dont see the problem. Stop overthinking. If you want to find out if he likes you then just go do it.
What do you have to lose?

[Sunstark]

Thanks for the reply what do you mean? Like sending him a casual picture of a hamster (popped into my mind, seriously) maybe? And see if he responds? I mean things like a hamster is really a thing that is not within the professional context. On the other hand he acts non-professional quite often! Thanks!

[Hooo!]

whatever you feel comfortable with.
however sending just a picture or something is not my preferred idea

i would send him anything that he knows how to answer to. And wtf do you answer to a picture of a hamser?^^
but if you think its funny then do it.
maybe he'll comment that its funny.

[Sunstark]

whatever you feel comfortable with.
however sending just a picture or something is not my preferred idea

i would send him anything that he knows how to answer to. And wtf do you answer to a picture of a hamser?^^
but if you think its funny then do it.
maybe he'll comment that its funny.

Haha! Why are you (or some of you) men like that? Why not engage in fun, irrelevant things
(even though it's just virtual)? Thanks anyway

[Hooo!]

Some men know how to talk to women and what thos posts mean. others dont.
I would know a reply.
I am not sure that the man in question does.
That is why i would personally make things more difficult then i needed to.

- - - Updated - - -

Some men know how to talk to women and what thos posts mean. others dont.
I would know a reply.
I am not sure that the man in question does. as to why: interesting question. i have no idea. possibly because some people are just bad at smalltalk or dislike it (like I do most of the time)
That is why i would personally make things more difficult then i needed to.

[Sunstark]

Oh nayyyy.... why am I so hesitant? I kind of picture the situation: fast forward a few years later, we meet each other and figure out we both have been liking each other.
Isn't there like an easy way to find out????
(How do you know some guys dunno how 2 talk 2 women when you know how to?? )

[Hooo!]

Isn't there like an easy way to find out????
(How do you know some guys dunno how 2 talk 2 women when you know how to?? )

just ask

because i have been one of them. and i learned.