Over it. Wife that has barely ever initiated sex

[Opportunity]

Over 15 years of married life and I can count on one hand the number of times my wife has ever initiated sex. The sex itself when I think about it has been often very one sided and selfish. That's the basics. Then there's the overall boredom factor, lack of adventure and the obvious chore she finds the whole thing the majority of the time. I'm sick of the on occasionally, off again most of the time routine. I look after myself physically, do my fair share of housework and have provided well. I haven't aged badly, and am moderately successful. She's just a dud sexually, and I'm over it.

[AdminOnline]

Hi Opportunity and welcome to Love Forum - Online Relationship Discussion! Hope you enjoy your stay here.

[lovebroken]

Maybe she is or went through the change early, loss her sex drive? Did you try introducing, toys or role play into sex with her? Nights away? Was he ever a sexual creature, and it has just tapered off? What does she tell you when you bring it up to her, she must know this is an issue for you and I am sure she doesn't ever want you going off finding sex elsewhere.

[Opportunity]

No, it's always been this way. She would laugh or roll her eyes at the thought of sex toys. Nights away are out of the question due to children. She wants maximum attention, but provides minimum return or initiative. She would hate me to find sex elsewhere as that would betray trust in her mind, but also potentially deny her the attention she continues to want. It's an age old question, males wanting more than wives will give....but in this case it's a chronic imbalance.

[pcmaster]

Man I totaly see you. Think I have met girl like that. From the very beginning its a feeling of not having enough. Its like trying to drink pint of beer out of half pint can.
Really good you end it. Better later than never. Think it wont be hard to find a girl who is different.
Only problem might be that it will be hard to beat 15 years of relationship maturity with a new relationship. First months with new girl might feel much better but after year or so pink glasses and honey moon period will be gone and then you will see for sure witch relationship was better.

I just suggest to be good to your ex so you dont close the door in case you will want to go back to her at some point. Talk everything out and end it nicely. Keep her on good terms even after breakup.

[melancholia]

Maybe she's bored of you, too. Or maybe you're not great in bed. Or maybe she finds you unattractive after all these years. Who knows. If you're over it and the issue cannot be rectified, then file for divorce.

[Hooo!]

how about talking with each other about this and about the consequences?

[shrah25]

No, it's always been this way. She would laugh or roll her eyes at the thought of sex toys. Nights away are out of the question due to children. She wants maximum attention, but provides minimum return or initiative. She would hate me to find sex elsewhere as that would betray trust in her mind, but also potentially deny her the attention she continues to want. It's an age old question, males wanting more than wives will give....but in this case it's a chronic imbalance.

Hey There

Firstly, sorry to hear that you're going through this. It's not easy. Let me rephrase that - it's extremely hurtful, not to mention sexually frustrating as well.
Now one of my clients recently went through a very similar set of circumstances as you and here's how he overcame it.

He took the approach that if anyone was going to change, he had to.
He realised that it wasn't going to be an overnight thing and he had to slowly 'chip' away and make 'deposits' in her emotional bank. If a women feels fulfilled emotionally, then more often than not, her sexual appetite increases.
He continued to find ways to appreciate her. To cherish her. To love her. To tell her how sexy she was when she did certain things.
The fact that she's with you shows you that she loves you and is prepared to stick around (even if you have kids) which is a massive positive.

Now you mentioned that you have kids so nights away are out of the question. How about baby sitters? How about just getting a few hours of quality time together?
In order for me to truly help, I need to point out some common mistakes that most couples make and one of them is thinking that they aren't able to find time with kids involved. This is simply an excuse and one that will leave you empty and unfulfilled in your relationship.

It's also easy in this situation to constantly blame our partners for any issues in the relationship and in this situation, you are well within your right to feel the way you do. Trust me, i've been where you have but there were two ways I could have gone about it:
(1) Blame my wife and make it as if she's the one that needs to step up which I fundamentally had no control of
OR
(2) Shape her through my love for her. Learn how to push the right buttons at the right time and since I made that commitment last year, our love life has gone to meteoric heights now. If I had been stuck in my own head and making it all about me, then we would have gone nowhere. Guess what's happening now? She's the one that initiates sex and sometimes more than I can even handle now!

Remember, love is about giving and not getting. I'm 100% sure that you have given plenty over the years and it would have taken a lot out of you. However, what I always say to my clients is that you most probably gave her everything but what she ACTUALLY NEEDED.
Focus on doing that and I promise she will come running to you.

Hope that helps.
Cheers

[jfbmarketing]

Sounds like you in a very lousy relationship, many reasons why woman stops enjoying sex. Some case it has everything to do with their partner, sex became a routine, and she just lost interest, not saying this is what happened, but you did not supply enough information about your current situation. Maybe it is time you spiced up the relationship, talk to her about doing things, like go to a swingers club, feel her out, take her to Victoria Secrets and watch her reaction, take to many different places you would never have taking her and watch how she reacts. If none of this works, perhaps talk to her about counseling and seek some professional help. Or tell her straight honey this is not working out, l am going to find me a lady on the side.

[Stay 2gether]

Maybe she wants more adventure just because u all have kids doesn't mean you cant have romantic nights try being romantic in the bed like some rose pedals leading from the room to the tub with the tub full of them maybe try role playing games or even counseling because maybe she is losing her sex drive and she may need help finding it again because i don't see the problem if you are working , cleaning , and sometimes cooking teamwork makes the dream work and that doesn't seem to be an issue. If that doesn't work maybe consider that she has maybe found someone else attractive in that area either way stay blessed.