Is he in denial about his feelings towards me?

[lolobelle]

Context: Uni students, 20 years old

Initially, things were really good between us. He stayed round mine 4 nights in a row after nights out, introduced me to all his friends and we would spend most of our days in bed cuddling and messing around. One evening, he told me he didn’t just want to sleep with me every time he sees me because he will catch feelings. Two days later, he messaged me one night asking whether I was up and saying he needed to talk. He walked 45 minutes to mine and stayed round mine - we just spent the night in bed singing childhood duets together and watching childhood films - no sex. A few days later on a night out, he said he knew I had feelings for him and I said I know he does for me too and he didn’t really say much. I told him to stop trying to fight them and he said even if he did have feelings it wouldn’t make a difference and that he doesn’t want to have feelings. Two days later, he messaged me one night asking whether I was up and saying he needed to talk. He walked 45 minutes to mine and stayed round mine - we just spent the night in bed singing childhood duets together and watching childhood films - no sex.

When we’ve been out at clubs and we’ve bumped into each other, him and his friends would linger around us, with him kissing me or dancing with me the moment a guy would come near me. At one point he even said something to a guy (I don’t know what) and the guy just walked away from me.

Suddenly after the night he stayed over without sex, he became cold with me - we would have sex and instead of staying the night he would just leave or expect me to leave his. (Happened twice). The night he expected me to leave his I got angry with him (he was drunk that night and fell asleep whilst I was waiting for my taxi). The next day I was ignoring his texts all morning & afternoon until he messaged me saying we should stop seeing each other because ‘he just isn’t feeling it right now.’ Him saying right now made me question whether he just needed time out so I asked whether it was a permanent feeling or a break for a while - he said a break for a while and see how it goes.

I completely laid off for two weeks and whenever I would see him out I would maybe say hi but leave it at that. In that time, him and his friends on nights out would linger by me on nights out, with his friends watching me and telling him what I was doing etc. He also sent me a snapchat in that time (he had only snap chatted me once before that) to which I didn’t respond to. After two weeks, I asked whether he meant it to be a break or whether he was sugar coating permanently ending things. He said it was a break but because I was drunk and kept saying he wasn’t being honest, it led to an argument. He also kept saying I had feelings for him (which I do) but I denied them to protect myself. I then told him a girl like me would never spend my time crying over a boy like him. He then said it was over permanently. He also said me not responding to his text message about the break, with a response such as ok, told him I wasn’t the right kind of girl for him. He also said countless times he cannot deal with girls right now.


The next evening when I saw him out, I apologised for the night before and he said it was cool. I then kissed a guy in front of him and the entire night he was lingering around me and watching me - his friends were too. Two days later, I messaged him to confirm everything was ok between us because when we made up we were both drunk. He said it was fine but we should leave things between us. I then told him about my feelings because I had nothing to lose. I told him I didn’t want him thinking I wanted a relationship (due to coming out of one six months ago) nor him feel pressured, and that I just wanted to be honest. He said he appreciated my honesty but he doesn’t feel the same.

Two days later (last week), he said I was ‘butters’ on my student radio and that ‘I get no attention when I go to clubs,’ - he didn’t mention my name but it was me because of other things said. The next day, a female friend of his on a night out told me that he likes me as a person but he couldn’t see it going anywhere and that he was scared of his past because girls have gone psycho on him before (one of his ex’s also cheated on him). Whenever I see him on nights out, he will spend his entire time lingering by me and watching me. He even tries to make me jealous with female friends of his I haven’t met whenever I talk to other guys or kiss other guys. His friends all watch me too and report back to him on what I’m doing.

Also, he would always try and bring up the subject of feelings, but he would never really say much when we actually discussed them (for ages I was denying feelings to not only him but myself). He also use to mention quite frequently that he puts me in my place, I’m use to having guys who are whipped and he will never be whipped.

If he has no feelings, why are him and his friends like this? Is he too scared of admitting feelings to not only me, but to himself, because of his past (which he always mentions)?

[Hooo!]

This dear people happens when you build walls around yourself when you get hurt.
Not only cant you see other people who really like you and would love to nurture a healthy relationship with you
also they cant see the real you through those walls

and you end up hurting inside
and the other person with you.

congratulations on being a fool.


to the OP: if you decide that he is worth a whole lot of drama
then get yourself a hammer and some plasts, tea.
be warned to face a lot of rejection and pain from his side.
He seems very ****ed up and hurt
He might even need a therapist.
if you decide that he is indeed not worth drama and a lot of your time and energy then let him be and deal with his own problems first.