Heartache (original)

[Lei584]

Hi, I'm completely new here! Just looking for some advice. I met a guy with his own problems 12 years ago (almost) we was never more than passing friends I knew him he knew me but we wouldn't go round and see each other. However, over the past 18 months after just simply needing some advice we have become very close, close as in we are like best friends! Maybe very silly move but after about 2 months something happened between us but we just left if there and remained friends. We flirted but nothing more. Then I made a mistake and took back an ex which didn't last long but my friend was there with nothing bad to say apart from nice things! (Going back to his problems) he is the nicest most kind hearted person I know (please do not judge) but he battled addiction and is right now 6 months clean from everything I visit him when I can, we speak as much as we can and in a round about way we are honest with each other. Apart from I am in total absolute love with him and no matter what I do I can't get him out of my head! I don't pity him he doesn't depend on me we say I love you every time we speak we hug like no one else in the world matters when we see each other but we have agreed now isn't right! (Obviously) he told me not to feel bad if another guy comes along and that we are just friends! But this is killing me inside! He tells me one minute he wants me but the next that he can't be in any kind of relationship, which I totally understand. I don't think I want anyone else in the world, but I don't know waiting for him is right. Or if I'm wasting my time! He has become the person I can and want to share everything with but I don't know how to say it to him under the circumstances. this is really long so without doubling what I've written I don't know what else to say!

[Hooo!]

Not every good chance comes into your life at the perfect moment. Life's timing is pretty crap in general

That shouldn't keep you from deciding on what you want and going for it?

[Lei584]

Your right hooo! I know, I know in my heart of hearts I should stick it out and wait and if nothing happens when the time is right then well that's life too! We will always be friends and I suppose if for reasons we don't end up anything more I will have to take things for what they are! I know he's jealous (in a way) of other people. And right now I'd be heart broken if he was to tell me there was someone else:-( but this is life.

[TheEvilJester]

As a general rule of thumb, I tend to almost never recommend waiting around for somebody. This MAY very well be one of the rare cases where it could actually be worth it. Again.... MAYBE.... But this is different. He's dealing with some pretty heavy crap right now. You mention he's recovering from addiction. Six months may seem like a long time, (and don't get me wrong, good for him for making it so long), but addiction can be a life-long struggle. So, 6 months is a drop in the bucket compared to what he's going to have to deal with the rest of his life.

I hope he can do it. I hope he can stay clean. Anyway, my point being, this actually IS a case where he's probably better off not getting into a relationship at this stage in his life. He needs, really, to focus just on keeping himself better. So, this MAY be one case where it could actually be worth your while to give him some time and hope that in time he may want a relationship with you.

However, even if you do decide to wait, I would still recommend you have some kind of reasonable time frame in your mind for how long will be too long before you just move on. Even if he does 100% have the best of intentions and is not just trying to "let you down easy," you still shouldn't have to wait around forever. If he's not ready for a relationship.... and still isn't by the time it is just too long for you.... that isn't wrong of him. It's not like he is required to be ready for a relationship on anybody else's schedule other than his own.... But that doesn't mean you should just wait patiently forever. So, if it winds up being too long, at that point, it would be best you just move on.

And, if that means you can move on, look for a boyfriend elsewhere, but still be friends with him, then great! Do just that. On the other hand, if it is too hard to be around him without it being more, then you'd maybe be best to just to move on completely. Not that there should need to be any hard feelings, but you have to do what is right for you.

Though, I hope you don't even have to find that out. I hope things work out well with you two, and hopefully sooner rather than later. Good luck to you!

[Lei584]

That's really really nice theeviljester, but it seems really odd writing evil when that read perfectly :-) and made every bit of sense to the FULL situation. I, in every way respect him for what he's doing and agree a relationship isn't what he needs at all right now.
When we have been around each other during his program we both know a casual bit of fun is even a no go, distractions away from what he's doing is definitely not what is needed. I feel really selfish sometimes thinking how much it's breaking my heart that I can't just wrap him up and keep him and he would want that, but that's only a thought!
I feel stupid and maybe a little naive to think maybe he does want more and I'd wait forever. It's just really hard to let go of him and only look at him as a friend right now. I know what your saying, but hurting him too (which I could be wrong in thinking it would) but hurting him by seeing or even speaking to anyone in that way riddles me with pure guilt :-(
I will definitely take what you have said on board and instead of even saying anything to him I will just support him as I would regardless and come to terms with a time frame (already feeling bad thinking it) but a time I feel I should wait!
I hope life will bring us together and if it doesn't then well I hope we remain friends forever and always with no hard feelings. THANK YOU