Falling in love with professor?

[Wakeup]

I suppose its also entirely appropriate that patients ask their doctors out? Or clients who falls for their shrink? Just to 'get over their fear'. LOL!

LOl back.. who said that would be okay? Putting words in people's mouths to make your point. Really?

This is not some pop-psych garbage about 'getting over fear of asking someone out'--its about discouraging inappropriate relationships in a professional setting.

You do know that there are several articles written about this right? So many in fact that they give guidelines on how to proceed should a professor find themselves involved with a student. (Note: I am simply pointing out a fact here to show that it may be unprofessional but it happens and it happens often) It may be inapproriate.. that is something I've not argued about here, once. In fact I said in post No. 9 that he should wait until after exams.

Thank you to CAM and Thiudiskr for your *informed* comments about the power imbalance and rules against dating a student. To add to your points: If a student asks out his/her instructor, they will both likely be embarrassed (I certainly was) b/c they will have no reasonable option but to turn him/her down. Its the inevitable outcome (assuming someone acts professionally), so best for both parties if he just doesn't go there.

Thank you Cam and Thiudiskr for non predudicial advice that actually said more than "professors tend to marry their own and "you'll be embarassed" without further explaination (until challenged).

Can feelings happen? Sure. But its what I said already: if its really love (doubt it, how could it be? they aren't even dating), it can wait until after the final exam.

I said that prior to you and I debating.

[Wakeup]

I'm not sure what the actual intent of the statement was regarding leagues Wakeup, to me that's just a matter of personal preference. That being said, people within particular professions do tend to end up socializing and finding intimacy within those same circles. Maybe that's what she was referring to.

There are plenty of exceptions. I for one never cared to socialize or date within the proximity of my profession, simply because I don't like the 'shop talk', for lack of a better term. For me, it was always interesting and refreshing to be around someone who was a professional, but from a completely different realm.

Thanks, Haxan.. I have agreed with Indireloaded in another thread that professionals tend to match up it's only logical because that's where they meet and it's what they have in common. (I agree with you btw.. I married outside my profession for the same reason). The word "league" was never used but it has certainly been implied several times in other threads.

The oddest thing about this debate is that I've agreed that the Op should wait until after exams. I do however totally disagree with "castes" or "dating outside your league" mentalities and being embarassed about rejection (which, to me Op made it sound like he was in the opening post. His subsequent post clarifies that he was more concerned for her then himself).

[excellency]

which, to me Op made it sound like he was in the opening post. His subsequent post clarifies that he was more concerned for her then himself).

Yes, I'm concerned about her more than myself of course. I won't be there after a few years but she's working there besides that it can even effect her future possible applications, work possibilities..
I just don't know if she's being nice to me because she's my professor or because I'm being nice to her too or something else.. I agree with almost all of you in this thread I know she's a professor she should be nice to all her students.. Yes I'm aware of that fact but not always so.. I see the difference about the way she looks other students than me.. I know no one in here can say for sure.. Yes she likes you or she doesn't. Don't worry I know that I just want to get some different views.

[KingZ]

I married outside my profession for the same reason

The males in prostitution never make good husbands.

[IndiReloaded]

It may be inapproriate.. that is something I've not argued about here, once.

Exactly. Which is why you are clueless. The fact it is inappropriate IS the issue. I said this in my 2nd post. Its not about him not being 'afraid to date out of his league' or whatever your own issue is.

Thank you Cam and Thiudiskr for non predudicial advice that actually said more than "professors tend to marry their own and "you'll be embarassed" without further explaination (until challenged).

I said that prior to you and I debating.

Why are you replying to a comment made not to you?

LOL, its really important to you that I think of you as my intellectual equal, isn't it Wakeup. Why do you care? I think you are a pop-psych overfed idiot who tries to give advice beyond her reach. You think I'm an arrogant doc who looks down her e-nose at you. I do. Shrug. This isn't a debate. A debate assumes intellectual equality and you aren't up to it. Your ignorance on this subject I just showed^ b/c you are focussed on the wrong issue, by your own admittance. You are certainly entitled to your internet opinion, but its not an informed one. Fine but I'll point it out so the OP has the best chance of weighting his advice appropriately. I mean, who would you listen to for medical advice? Your friend, who has watched many episodes of 'the doctors' (or whatever is on daytime tv) or an actual medico?

BTW, post #2 of mine:

Even if she did return your interest (extremely unlikely), it would be very unprofessional of her to do so.

[Wakeup]

The males in prostitution never make good husbands.

I hear they make good money though. You'd probably make a good one.

[Wakeup]

Buzzzzzzz! You are like a fly that keeps buzzing. *looks for a fly swatter*

Why are you replying to a comment made not to you?

The same reason you often do I suppose. Why do you do that?

LOL, its really important to you that I think of you as my intellectual equal, isn't it Wakeup.

You are once again so full of yourself. Please... I don't care about you thinking if I'm your "equal" You usually come back for your final insults and attempts at making me think I'm below you. Well it's fotunate for me that I'm not anything like you (even if I'm not university educated) You are abusive and you fear something that only you know what that may be so you attack personally. Names like "Idiot" "twit" and others are used on me and many others when you don't agree with what they've said.

My opinions may not be what you want to hear however: they sure do get you riled. Whether they are important subjects or simple friendly banter. What happened to that "it's only a forum afterall" quote of yours?

Buzzzzzzz *swat* Go talk to one of your "equals" about your obvious emotional issues.

[KingZ]

[IndiReloaded]

Because I really do find you an irritating twit. Sorry, but there it is. I try to stamp out stupidity wherever I find it. I'm not nice to the JoHos who come to my house either, fwiw. Anyway, I have to get to work. It will be fun to see the replies.

If the mods (such as they are) would like to ban me for a few days for saying it, no problem. :-)

[Wakeup]

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *swats*

[IndiReloaded]

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *swats*

::pulls out Laser Cannon destroys Wakeup and wafts the remaining smoke gently away::

Its about commitment, WU. Do something properly or don't bother. See you later.

[Wakeup]

Have a good day, Loaded.

[haxan]

Thanks, Haxan.. I have agreed with Indireloaded in another thread that professionals tend to match up it's only logical because that's where they meet and it's what they have in common. (I agree with you btw.. I married outside my profession for the same reason). The word "league" was never used but it has certainly been implied several times in other threads.

The oddest thing about this debate is that I've agreed that the Op should wait until after exams. I do however totally disagree with "castes" or "dating outside your league" mentalities and being embarassed about rejection (which, to me Op made it sound like he was in the opening post. His subsequent post clarifies that he was more concerned for her then himself).

Try to think of it as an inverted funnel so to speak. Let's put cardiovascular surgeons, paleontologists, chemical engineers and professors at the small end of that funnel. You could put many more professions into that spectrum, but the fact is, the amount of people that they can relate to are far less, compared to the larger end of the funnel, for instance a mechanic, a car salesman, real estate agent or restaurant manager.

I'm not saying the mechanic or restaurant manager or moronic people, far from it, but their ability to relate to someone in a specialized field, who possesses an extremely high IQ, isn't going to be easy, be it in a one on one or social setting. Now, I do think that men are far more apt to stray from that logic than women, there's trophy wife's a plenty. Quite often a brilliant, professional man will trade a talented peer for a silicone barbie doll, seen it firsthand many times.

In regards to leagues or castes, they're relative. The cute female professor in one city may catch the fancy of her every-day joe mechanic when she brings her car in for service. He flirts incessantly with her, thinking she is flirting back (when she's actually just being nice) as she thinks to herself, who is this guy kidding? He thinks I'd give him the time of day outside of this garage? He's out of my league.

Now, the not-as cute, but just as brilliant professor in another town brings her car in to her hunky, good looking muscular mechanic and flirts incessantly with him, thinking he is flirting back (when he is just being nice), thinking to himself, is she crazy? She'd have to pay me money to see her with her clothes off, she's not in my league. He could care less what her income, IQ or education level is. He prefers his smokin' hot girlfriend who's a waitress at the local sports bar and has her GED.

So who's league is the right one? Each of them I suppose.

[IndiReloaded]

Try to think of it as an inverted funnel so to speak. Let's put cardiovascular surgeons, paleontologists, chemical engineers and professors at the small end of that funnel. You could put many more professions into that spectrum, but the fact is, the amount of people that they can relate to are far less, compared to the larger end of the funnel, for instance a mechanic, a car salesman, real estate agent or restaurant manager.

Marrying w/in ones profession has its challenges too, unless you are lucky and your partner has interests outside of their narrow professional silo. Many don't and they are boring. Who wants to come home and hear more problems of the kind you are dealing with yourself. Its like an extended headache. I can perfectly understand the high power/low power match from a balanced life perspective. But for whatever reason like does tend to get with like. I'm not even sure its right, just how it is. Separate issue from the OP's question, tho.

[Wakeup]

Try to think of it as an inverted funnel so to speak. Let's put cardiovascular surgeons, paleontologists, chemical engineers and professors at the small end of that funnel. You could put many more professions into that spectrum, but the fact is, the amount of people that they can relate to are far less, compared to the larger end of the funnel, for instance a mechanic, a car salesman, real estate agent or restaurant manager.

I'm not saying the mechanic or restaurant manager or moronic people, far from it, but their ability to relate to someone in a specialized field, who possesses an extremely high IQ, isn't going to be easy, be it in a one on one or social setting. Now, I do think that men are far more apt to stray from that logic than women, there's trophy wife's a plenty. Quite often a brilliant, professional man will trade a talented peer for a silicone barbie doll, seen it firsthand many times.

In regards to leagues or castes, they're relative. The cute female professor in one city may catch the fancy of her every-day joe mechanic when she brings her car in for service. He flirts incessantly with her, thinking she is flirting back (when she's actually just being nice) as she thinks to herself, who is this guy kidding? He thinks I'd give him the time of day outside of this garage? He's out of my league.

Now, the not-as cute, but just as brilliant professor in another town brings her car in to her hunky, good looking muscular mechanic and flirts incessantly with him, thinking he is flirting back (when he is just being nice), thinking to himself, is she crazy? She'd have to pay me money to see her with her clothes off, she's not in my league. He could care less what her income, IQ or education level is. He prefers his smokin' hot girlfriend who's a waitress at the local sports bar and has her GED.

So who's league is the right one? Each of them I suppose.

Thanks Hax, This is what I believe: (not in anyway about the Op and his professor either) They "leagues" can't be 'right or 'wrong' if you don't even believe they exit, that they're only in the minds of those who believe in such things and are therefore intimidated and made insecure because of them. Your last mechanic example (to me) shows subjective preference and there is no arguing that. It's those that tell the mechanic to not bother pursuing the hot professor because she's out of his league (and they think she's "out of his league" for no other reason than disparity in wealth, education or looks) is what I'll disagree with wherever and whenever.