Hello this is my first post, some people may think I'm selfish, a horrible person or just a plain time waster but I'm really not ..
Okay, so my ex broke up with me 6 months ago (third time in 4 years)
I met someone else shortly after and was casually just talking as friends and then friends with benefits - this woman is 7 years my senior and has 1 child.
I started gaining feelings for her and almost completely forgot about my ex.. Was enjoying myself and having a great time.
Now just recently my ex came back into my life and I had a sudden 'realisation' that I wanna spend the rest of my life with her..
I ended things with the older woman, And was 100% sure of my decision.
During the month I've been seeing my ex I told her how happy I am with the way things are going (because I really was) I have even gone and planned to join her and her family on their holiday..
Now I met up with work friends a few days ago - and the other woman was there.. I suddenly just remembered why I was seeing this woman beforehand.. I literally was mesmerised by her.. Everything about her had grabbed my attention.. My chest began to hurt and I felt a massive wave of regret.. Then when I don't bump into her at work for a while I start relaxing and feeling okay with everything, then bam I bump into her and all these mixed emotions flood my mind..
And now I'm here.. I love my ex, there's no doubt about it.
I have feelings for this other woman, it's obvious.
But here comes the tricky part.. I know age is just a number, but sometimes you need to look at the bigger picture.. She's 7 years older than me, divorced, and has 1 child.. She's lived so much more than me.. She might not want anymore children or to experience life as much me.. And that's a big thing to me..
But I can't help but think about this women day in and day out.. It's so hard..
But then here comes my ex.. I love her, had planned our entire lives together in the past.. Kids.. Marriage.. Holidays.. The lot. Great sounds perfect .. But I don't know how I feel about any of that anymore.. I love her company and like to care for her .. And have gone and agreed to go on holiday with her, she's so excited and so was I a few days ago -
I'm torn between both of them so much and it kills me every day :/ I sound so greedy but I really don't know what to do anymore
The holiday is in a week .. I don't know what to do..
My emotions change every single day.. I can never relax
I really need some type of advice because this relationship problem is just the begining of my overall problems.. I don't know how much I can take anymore and have gone to the extent of seriously wanting to just give up with my life.
Someone please help me out