Could you love someone with a disability?

[Alohaey]

Hi all

Yesterday I (36) went on a first date with a wonderful girl (34) that I met online. We had a great time, like the date lasted for 10h, we laught and talked a lot, it never got awkward and she even wrote a good night text first when I got home. Now, I`m suffering from Tourettes which I told her in advance. Today she wrote me back after an email from me, saying that she had a wonderful time, felt very comfortable around me and she really likes me. However she also mentioned that she doesn`t know if she could deal with my Tourette in a possible relationship, although it didn`t bother her much during our date (that`s what she wrote). Nevertheless she still is happy to go on a second date with me.

I know there is no definite answer to the question if we will get together or not. But perhaps some of you could share your thoughts about it, if I should still keep my hopes up or not. How would you decide if you were in her position?

Apart from my Tourette, we really clicked and it would just break my heart if it doesn`t work out, even though I can totally understand her worries.

Thanks guys
Alohay

[basilandthyme]

My friend's daughter has a significant degree of Tourettes and is married with three kids. The right person will see YOU - not your disability.

[melancholia]

My friend's daughter has a significant degree of Tourettes and is married with three kids. The right person will see YOU - not your disability.

I absolutely agree with basilandthyme. You are not your disability, you are a person with a disability. You are not Tourette's syndrome, you have Tourette's syndrome. Clearly, you are able to function independently as an adult, and (hopefully) you are taking the necessary steps you need to treat and manage your disorder effectively. Everyone has something they struggle with, every single one of us, and just because you suffer with Tourette's syndrome, doesn't mean you are any less deserving of a beautiful, loving, committed relationship. The right person will see past your disability and will see you for who you really are. Maybe you could educate this woman on Tourette's syndrome. Since mental illness still carried such a stigma, not a lot of people know much about them, she could simply be someone who lacks education on the disorder. Maybe she will learn enough about the disorder and she can understand where you're coming from.

Tourette's syndrome cannot be easy for anyone to deal with. I applaud you for being up front about your disorder from the beginning. How very brave of you.

[dontaskme]

Since mental illness still carried such a stigma, not a lot of people know much about them, she could simply be someone who lacks education on the disorder.

As far as I know, Tourette's is a neurological disorder, not a mental disorder, lol!

Anyway OP, there are more people whose problems are far worst than you. I'm sure if this girl is the right one, she will see you for who you are and not what you are.

[topazlight]

Yes, I could love another who has a disability.

[TheEvilJester]

I agree with the others. To me personally, it is about the person, not about trivial details like that. A disability, no matter the kind, should not be how you are identified. It is just one detail of who you are. It does not define you. Not only that, but it isn't like you can help it. You didn't choose to have Tourette's and I'm sure you can't always control it either.

IF she can't see past that, then that is her loss. I wouldn't exactly say it makes her a bad person. I think some people just can't see past stuff like that to the real person underneath. It isn't necessarily because they are judgmental or anything. It's sort of similar to how you can't help what type or look of a person you do or do not find attractive. Some people just can't help that they wouldn't be able to deal with something like that.

....And then there are jerks who are just heartless and judgmental. It doesn't sound to me like she is heartless and judgmental, but either way, if she finds you interesting otherwise, then she needs to see past this one aspect of you that you cannot control. If she can't, then she needs to let you be free to find somebody who will. Good luck to you.