disability and being interested in someone

[stricken]

Hi everyone,

To start I want to say that I have a physical disability which mainly affects my mobility. I can walk, but with difficulty. I have other challenges but it's in my nature to continually find solutions and adapt. One lingering problem is that it has made be insecure when I'm around someone I like who I feel doesn't truly know me.

There's a girl I started to like from many months back (which she started to get). I saw her again the other day but she seemed very cold and dismissive, but perhaps I caught her off guard. I sent a note on facebook asking if I can speak to her (hopefully she lets me).

It's tough in general because I feel I'm not someone that delivers wild first impressions. I'm not the potential trophy boyfriend on face value. All my great qualities shows with time.

I'd like it if she gave me a chance. I'm just not sure what to say. Anyone else kinda know what I mean or can offer advice?

Thanks

[loverman1]

Don't get your hopes up too much with her, girls who are interested give away signs. People can be ignorant unfortunately, but you need a girl who will accept everything about you, and love everything about you. Maybe this girl will do who knows.. just keep it friendly and casual with her, you will soon find out how interested she is.

[DalM0m]

Sometimes it takes people a while to get past the devices that help certain people be more mainstream. It's not the same thing but at the end of her life my mother was confined to a wheel chair. I watched a lot of people seem to see right through her or ignore her. Until you spend time with somebody who has a disability, it can be hard & awkward for the other person to connect with the real you.

For me, some sort of ice breaker usually helps. A guy I knew in grad school used to let people pet his service animal when he was in the library or the cafeteria & not "using" her. Another guy -- a disabled war vet -- actual taught his dog to help the rest of us sell raffle tickets when we were all at our charity meetings. Other members would help him so the dog would hold the ticket bucket in her mouth. I used to joke that she was the best ticket seller we had because the raffles were to raise money to help defray the costs of training other service animals so mor evets could have them. Really, you're going to say No when the dog is giving you the puppy eyes? Another guy I kno wwho is in a wheelchair got "mad" at me early on in our friendship because I held a door open for him. He ranted a bit about "I can do it myself!" When I responded that I was sure he could but I held it opened because I got there 1st & I fully expected that if he got there 1st he woudl have held the door for me, we got along great. He confessed that he was so used to people thinking he wasn't self sufficient that he got defensive about it, which is understandable.

Unless it's really horriible for you to do so, talk to her normally but if you sense discomfort on her part give her permission to ask about what makes you different. Once she gets over her fear of the unknown then she will be able to get past your disability & start seeing you the person.

[stricken]

Thanks to the both of you.

loverman1 - I know what you mean. Though sometimes it's hard to differentiate a mutual interest from some sort of compassion.

edit - I think the problem is I really liked her as an acquaintance and wanted to get to know her as a friend. She's someone whom I related to and really respected. I think she took my interested as a romantic one. She doesn't feel that way, or doesn't know me, hence why she cut me off and was completely awkward when I saw her recently. I think that's what is bugging me to the core. I almost feel like she rejected me as a person, but perhaps it was a misunderstanding. The little things get to me I suppose. I want to say something, I just don't know what.

[loverman1]

Just ask how she's doing? or if you have her on FB then its a good start to find out what she's interested in and ask her about it. Play it by air! One day she wont notice your disability so much. Don't be angry if she doesn't give you the response you want, there is someone out there for everyone.

[stricken]

nevermind this post... see below.

[stricken]

One last thing... I'm just going to make a move and be my confident self, who I am when I'm not wondering what their opinion is of me. I want to speak to her and by chance I saw her come out of a classroom at a certain time in a building I frequent. I don't have her on my facebook page and we don't share the same social group.

Would it be weird if I wait by the exit at that time?

[Rakshasa]

Just try not to be too pushy, that can definitely ruin things.

[havermoutpap]

People have a difficult time to look past first impressions. Dont blame them for that, it's in our nature. However don't give up hope either, your qualities will and do show in time. Give her the time to figure out all that. Be there for her, talk to her whenever you can, help her if you can. Don't be too pushy though, she needs to figure out who you are on her own. Good luck!

[stricken]

Yeah, unfortunately, it is tough to get past bad first impressions. Is it best just to forget, not speculate, and just ask if I can or say that I'd like to buy her a coffee? If I see her again, would it be fine to skip the pleasantry?