In Love with BF...Bad Situation

[Depressed03]

Ok where to start. I met my current best friend about 4 years ago. We have everything in common and share very similar points of view on everything. After about 1 year I realized that I was absolutely head over heels for this girl. BUT she had been going out with her boyfriend for a long time before I met her. She loves this guy with all of her heart, and she is right to because he's a great guy. So I tried hard to suppress my feelings so I could still have her friendship. Well she got married to the guy and I thought my feelings would dissipate knowing she's happy now and I couldn’t have her. Now this is where things got really tough. All 3 of us get along absolutely great and I was always hanging out with them so we decided to get a place together while their still young and not ready to live alone. My feelings for her did nothing but grow stronger over the years, plus she seemed like she started getting very flirty with me so that didn’t help at all. Lately it has taken a toll on me. I barely eat, I sleep like shit, I can’t enjoy watching TV or doing anything because my mind won’t let go. Since I can’t have her there’s only one option left in my mind. Move away to another state. The problem here is she tells me all the time that if I didn’t live with them she would die for multiple reasons. For example when her husband and his family get together no one will take her side and they sort of "gang up" on her but I’m her support, the one she can talk to and realize she isn’t taking crazy pills. I need to get away from her because the pain is to immense now. But what do I tell her is the reason for me leaving? Do I tell her the truth and leave such a burden on her shoulders? There’s no other reason for me to be moving, as far as she's concerned everything with me is fine. Either way this is going to be one of the toughest things I’ve ever done in my life because I’m not only in love with her, but she's my best friend in the world.

[DarkDwarf]

Tell her you love her, but you understand you cannot be with her. (Trust me, this will make you feel better) Show her why you must leave, and then do it. We all make decisions and you must as well. You can still stay in contact, just not face to face everyday.

(Though it sounds like she wants a threesome )

[DoesntMatter]

Wow that's rough. I think you should tell her that you need to leave and why you are doing it. You can't put yourself through hell like this, but she does deserve to know why you are leaving. It's not your fault you love her! Tell her you didn't intend for that to happen but it just did like you said.

I don't think her difficulties in managing the in-laws should have any bearing on your decision because your problem is way more significant than this. But since you like this girl so much you think it is. But it isn't.

Good luck

[Depressed03]

Thanks a lot for the replies...This was more therapeutic than i thought it would be. Ive never told anyone how i feel and thats probably why its eating me up. But the hardest part still is that small voice of hope in the back of my head saying "it might happen" even though i know its not possible. I have to prepare to tell her within the next month. Not looking forward to it

[IndiReloaded]

The main problem is that you are way to close to this gal. Physically & emotionally. Your instinct to step back is correct. She cares for you, so she'll understand.

Oh, if it helps, believe that these intense feelings are only at present & temporary. You will start to feel better once you put some distance b/t you. You'll likely always care a bit (guys seem to in these situations) but the urgency of the situation will lessen.

[Depressed03]

Ok, so i have written a long detailed letter about everything in an apropriate way I believe. I plan on giving it to her within the next couple of weeks. If anyone has an idea of anything i should include in the note im all ears. Thank you

[Gigabitch]

Good. The truth is best.