big problem,need advice please help

[lightning88]

Well I kind of have a GF (we arn't that close tho and havnt been together long) and have two other girls (legal girls) that want to be with me but I want this girl,I dont care about the restrictions. Because I feel I love this girl. Iv'e known all three for sometime.

BUT for now I think I'll stick to telling her no,As I don't need to be in any more trouble.

[Cain]

Just continue to date other women. If you still want to be with her in two years then go fo it. But wait until she's legal.

[lightning88]

Just continue to date other women. If you still want to be with her in two years then go fo it. But wait until she's legal.

That is probly what I end up doing,cus I know me and this other gir arn't serious enough to stay together long. I talked to the 16 year old,she made me promise that I wouldnt say no once she was 18 so I did.

So for now until shes 18 I'm gonna stick to no,but I know it will be really hard.

[carl1222]

What do HER parents think of all this??

Carl.

[lightning88]

What do HER parents think of all this??

Carl.

wel her father is in jail for raping her so he doesnt really have a say,her mother is a meth head loser and doesnt give a crap either.

For now until shes 18 she will stay my best friend.

[carl1222]

wel her father is in jail for raping her so he doesnt really have a say,her mother is a meth head loser and doesnt give a crap either.

For now until shes 18 she will stay my best friend.

OK, here's another possibility to explore under her extraordinarily unusual circumstances.

Go to a lawyer and talk about the possibility of her obtaining a court order for an exception to California's minimum age limitation of 18 years to marry. If her meth head uncaring mother gives her written consent, all the better. The downside risk is that the court may decide to put her in a foster home instead.

I believe that a valid marriage will exlude you from all the bad sex crimes stuff (except the pictures and webcam stuff ... child porn is still child porn regardless of marital status), but be sure to confirm all of that explicitly with a lawyer. I can't give you legal advice.

Do I think the marriage would be likely to succeed over the long term? No. But it may give her a few extra years of relief from a disasterous family life, so it might be worth it.

Carl.

[lightning88]

OK, here's another possibility to explore under her extraordinarily unusual circumstances.

Go to a lawyer and talk about the possibility of her obtaining a court order for an exception to California's minimum age limitation of 18 years to marry. If her meth head uncaring mother gives her written consent, all the better. The downside risk is that the court may decide to put her in a foster home instead.

I believe that a valid marriage will exlude you from all the bad sex crimes stuff (except the pictures and webcam stuff ... child porn is still child porn regardless of marital status), but be sure to confirm that explicitly with a lawyer. I can't give you legal advice.

Do I think the marriage would be likely to succeed over the long term? No. But it may give her a few extra years of relief from a disasterous family life, so it might be worth it.

Carl.

She has been taken away from her mother by the state before. If I did that they would put her back in foster care. And I love her to much to take that chance of the state saying no and putting her in there again.

One of you asked why my parents hate her,its cus when she was in foster care last time she cut herself. I wont put her back in there while id gadly to that to be with her that chance of them saying no could put her in worse condition than with her mom.

[carl1222]

She has been taken away from her mother by the state before. If I did that they would put her back in foster care. And I love her to much to take that chance of the state saying no and putting her in there again.

One of you asked why my parents hate her,its cus when she was in foster care last time she cut herself. I wont put her back in there while id gadly to that to be with her that chance of them saying no could put her in worse condition than with her mom.

Yep, those are the risks. It's sad testimony on California's foster care system that living in a foster home is actually worse than living with a meth head mom.

Carl.

[lightning88]

Yep, those are the risks. It's sad testimony on California's foster care system that living in a foster home is actually worse than living with a meth head mom.

Carl.

I know Carl : (

Ok so update time.

I went to church with Sonja (thats her name) today,I picked her up like always and we had a talk on the way there. I told her I do llove her very much,But that I have to do the right thing and wait until shes 18 for us to be together as a couple. she said ok but that shes always and always will be mine weather I like it or not. So that made me happy,I had her make the same promise I did,to Not say no when she is 18. she said she never would anyway. And told me how she feels as well. I told her the only contact we can have is holding hands etc until shes 18.

This was a very VERY hard conv to have because I really do love her. Soooo we have agreed to be best friends until shes 18 then move forward

[mom44g]

Well, I can only say that my nephew is in a similar situation. His girlfriend has a mom who has major issues and she has had to take on responsibilities beyond what a 16 yo should or would normally have to. For that reason she is more mature than the average 10 yo high school student. My nephew is now 21 and his girlfriend is 17; they have been together well over two years and are very happy. Of course my sister allowed the relationship and since the girls mother (her only parent) wasn't concerned, there were no legal restrictions of any kind. He is attending the police academy and she is attending early childhood education classes. They are planning a life together. So who can say what is right and what is wrong; every circumstance is different.

[lightning88]

Well, I can only say that my nephew is in a similar situation. His girlfriend has a mom who has major issues and she has had to take on responsibilities beyond what a 16 yo should or would normally have to. For that reason she is more mature than the average 10 yo high school student. My nephew is now 21 and his girlfriend is 17; they have been together well over two years and are very happy. Of course my sister allowed the relationship and since the girls mother (her only parent) wasn't concerned, there were no legal restrictions of any kind. He is attending the police academy and she is attending early childhood education classes. They are planning a life together. So who can say what is right and what is wrong; every circumstance is different.

I really love this girl,I see her alot and have held her and done things like that,I know she wants to kiss but I'm holding off simply because i know its illegall. But we have promised each other to be together once shes 18.

[Cain]

I know you don't want to hear this, but I don't think that's a promise that either of you should be making. Too much can happen in the next two years. You're stuck in this fairy tale that everything lasts forever and you're in for a rough surprise when you realize it doesn't.

[lightning88]

I know you don't want to hear this, but I don't think that's a promise that either of you should be making. Too much can happen in the next two years. You're stuck in this fairy tale that everything lasts forever and you're in for a rough surprise when you realize it doesn't.

If it doesnt it doesnt and I will accept that.

[Cain]

If it doesnt it doesnt and I will accept that.

Just don't make promises that you don't know you can keep. A promise should be something that you don't break. If something happens and you aren't together then the promise is broken. Don't do that.

[carl1222]

Just don't make promises that you don't know you can keep. A promise should be something that you don't break. If something happens and you aren't together then the promise is broken. Don't do that.

Cain, all romantic promises are conditional ... sadly, even marriage promises. Relationships are by nature fragile, and honest promises are made based on what we feel now, acknowledging a hazy future.

I agree that you should never make a promise you know you won't keep. But without promises that reflect aspirations and hopes rather than facts certain, we would have to wait until we are 80 to make them. Contracts are black and white ... relationships are gray, gray, gray!!!

Carl.