Wow.
You're gonna have to start standing up for yourself. The next time she does this, you need to be honest with her that what she's doing is not cool. And DON'T BACK DOWN, regardless of what she does in response.
Unless it's a period where the couple can't be together for a long time, a relationship with once-a-month sex is not a relationship at all. Quite frankly, if sex is optional, then so is the relationship.So tonight, I decided to confront her about it. The first thing she said is why does it matter so much? I told her that sex isn't the most important thing in our relationship, but it is important to the point that it needs to happen more than once a month. She told me this verbatim: "once a month is good." I told her it's completely unacceptable and she told me to stop asking for it. I said to start having sex with me more than once a month and she said no. I told her if that's the case, I'm going to start looking for someone else.
Whew!
So two questions here:
(1) Should sex be happening more than once a month?
(2) Did I say the right things?
There may be a chance that she has a personal issue going on, and more than once a month is just not going to work for her. But there are ways to handle that, and what she's doing to you is not one of them.
This. I'm not a big fan of ultimatums, particularly when it comes to sex, but I think you need to let her know that as part of a healthy relationship, there needs to be more sex. If she says no to that, then it's time to move on.