silent treatment? yes or no?

[dyno31225]

is giving the silent treatment to your bf/gf or whatever you want to call it a good thing or a bad thing for the relationship after an argument? Which mean not answering calls, messages, emails, turning off your phone, etc. you be the judge...

[Petit Papillon]

Bad. That's why i never do it nor my bf does. Anyway i cant remain silent as i'm pretty talkative person by nature
Anyway it's bad. It causes additional problem and actually stop two people from resolving the previos one, so this and other unresolved problems create a mountain of problems that can't be moved or destroyed in the end and this is how the relationship ends.

[Doc Durian]

There's only one real silent treatment. You leave and never go back.

[vashti]

It makes me feel homicidal, so tell me: is there any possible way it could be a GOOD thing?

[girl68]

I say no, becasue for me when I'm mad I'm pissed and when I'm pissed I say things that I may later regret. So when I'm mad I need space. I need time to think about what heppened and to cool down. If you press me I could flip out on you and say things that I want to take back but can't.

So it depends. If you're taking some time to cool off and think then YES, I think "silent treatment" is what is needed. If you are just being a little bitch about it and saying "I'm not talking to him so HMP" then no.

[cmacattack1]

Very bad. Relationship destroyer. Saying things you don't mean can be worse than not saying at all, but you should be mature enough to know better than to resort to name calling and so on. When the communication breaks down, the relationship breaks down. I was all for turning her away so I could cool off, but I never resolved the problems after and swept them under the rug. Guess where that got us?

It takes alot of patience and hard work. To ignore somebody shows how little respect you have for them and what they say. And it pisses them off more. I remember getting the silent treatment after giving it for so long and I freaked out. Now I know how it feels.

Not good

Not

Good.

[girl68]

See now there's a difference between what I said and not resolving problems at all. Eventually the silent treatment has to stop. Eventually a person has to call, eventually you'll have to work through it.

But I disagree entirely on the CAM's notion. Saying something bad is better than not saying anything at all. I couldn't disagree more. What sticks is: if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

[Junket]

What kind of question is this?

[dyno31225]

i just saw through alot of thread that some people always talk about the slient treatment. Sometimes its bad sometimes its not.... that's why i posted this poll...... like and opinion...

[cmacattack1]

Well when you have something critical to say about somebody because you want them to improve them, it can come off as bad or mean. I used to get told things I should do by my ex and I just brushed them out of stubbornness and took them as insults. It was just constructive criticism. Although now that I think about it, being told you are too much of this or too much of that by your significant other kind of shows and makes you feel like you aren't the right person for them. Take it as a positive as long as you know they aren't trying to manipulate you. It's more technical then I thought.

I only meant it can be worse if you are just going to call them a bitch, slut, tramp, chicken heads, dumpsters, gashes ( a British thing).... You get my drift. You won't hear the end of that and it's pretty disrespectful.

[IndiReloaded]

What kind of question is this?

Its a confusing one. I can't tell either whether the 'yes or no' is for it being good or bad.

[oneandonly]

My ex absolutely hated it.

When I was upset, I completely ignored him. Not for the sake of ignoring him but I didn't know any other way of dealing with my frustration. Silence calms me down. I'd rather not say anything at all than argue. I hate arguing and I am not good at it at all. I could go on 2 or 3 days without talking (and we lived in a very small place together hence awful atmosphere when it happened). Is it immaturity? I don't know.

On the other hand, he prefers to let all out. Just talk it out, shout at each other and be over with it there and then. To the extent he wishes he can shut up so he won't talk anything stupid. To him, that's how he deals with conflicts like his parents do. Shout at each other then after a while it's like nothing happened.

But I can't do that. I've been living on my own for so long and didn't put myself in an environment where there is constant arguing and conflicts so when things like that happen, I just don't know what to do and the only way I know is keep silent. And I don't know why that drove him so mad and unbearable cos I thought it would be better if we didn't talk for a bit than keep on arguing....

[Junket]

My ex absolutely hated it.

When I was upset, I completely ignored him. Not for the sake of ignoring him but I didn't know any other way of dealing with my frustration. Silence calms me down. I'd rather not say anything at all than argue. I hate arguing and I am not good at it at all. I could go on 2 or 3 days without talking (and we lived in a very small place together hence awful atmosphere when it happened). Is it immaturity? I don't know.

On the other hand, he prefers to let all out. Just talk it out, shout at each other and be over with it there and then. To the extent he wishes he can shut up so he won't talk anything stupid. To him, that's how he deals with conflicts like his parents do. Shout at each other then after a while it's like nothing happened.

But I can't do that. I've been living on my own for so long and didn't put myself in an environment where there is constant arguing and conflicts so when things like that happen, I just don't know what to do and the only way I know is keep silent. And I don't know why that drove him so mad and unbearable cos I thought it would be better if we didn't talk for a bit than keep on arguing....

Yes, it's immaturity.

[Gigabitch]

i just saw through alot of thread that some people always talk about the slient treatment. Sometimes its bad sometimes its not.... that's why i posted this poll...... like and opinion...

I'm pretty familiar with the content of this site and I haven't seen a lot of references to the silent treatment. What I HAVE seen is lots of advice about No Contact. No Contact is what should happen after a breakup. You don't call your ex, you don't email or text them, you unfriend them on Facebook and you let yourself heal. This is NOT a good thing to do while you're still in a relationship. Do you understand the difference?

[mel2208]

No deffo not a good thing...It could cause more arguments by ignoring each other..Best thing to do is talk through it...that will also show a lot more maturity than ignoring someone..Problems dont just go away, they have to be sorted sometime