A theory I heard

[Petard]

Long story very short ... through a variety of unforseen events, I realized I loved a girl I had been broken up with for a year. I let her know this, knowing full well she's been seeing someone else for about three months. I did tell her that I'd like to get back together and fix things, because I honestly have changed. And if you can believe it, she did not immediately break up with him and take me back.

I was talking with a friend about this, and she has this belief, that as soon as my ex has a bad fight with this new guy, she is going to come running to me for support, whatever that might entail ... because she knows I love her and it makes her feel good about herself. I told this friend that I'd give the friend $50 if this actually happens. She said it will happen by July.

I said no, I know my ex too well, she'd never do that. But my friend says no way, all girls are like this, and as proof she said she has 4 of her exes on speed dial.

What do you guys think about this? It's an angle I hadn't considered.

[cmacattack1]

Your friend has 4 exes on speed dial so she can call them up for an ego boost. Has she gotten back together with any of said 4 exes?

So what your friend is telling you that your ex will call you for a pick me up, but you still will not end up with her. Is that what you want?

My ex kept all the numbers of her exes in her phone, even the scumbag drug dealer that cheated on her. Doesn't mean she'll want to call me and if she did it would be more than likely self motivated.

[Petard]

Well, I did say that I didn't think it would happen.

If it does, I'll be out $50, but at least I'll have a chance to talk with her again and see where things go. If she were only interested in physical interaction, I am sure I wouldn't give into that, it'd be pretty obvious.

[nayr]

I can understand the logic with that but you really cannot guarantee it as every single girl is different, so it may not happen.

The most important thing to consider is if you are truely serious about this girl and if you really think you guys can make it work, you need to find out if she feels the same.

[kisswithafist]

it will sooooooooo happen! im with your friend.

[1337lizard]

Dude, did you really think she'd break up with her boyfriend to date a guy she broke up with a year ago? She moved on. Honestly, I think you should too.

So what if she calls you for support? That doesn't mean she'll get back together with you. I completely agree with cmacattack1. I've noticed from experience that girls tend to use guys for emotional support pillars way too often, and usually out of selfishness they rely on the people interested in them knowing they'll get their biggest ego boosts there and pretend like they don't know this gives the guy hope. Ugh. Sorry, I've seen it happen and had it happen to me too many times. Very annoying.

[sookie6]

Yes this is very true...

But it works both ways...I mean men are as likely as women to do this sort of things...

It just scare the hell of some people to be single again and in the panic they jump onto the most available people, an ex that they have turned down or rejected in the past.

I had that happened on a first online dates I had. The guy was great. We had 3 dates and then his ex (a 6 month passionate fling, very sexed up) wanted back...

6 months later he sent me an email to see if we could meet again. In these 6 months he had patched things up with the ex, they worked it through up until she moved in with him and then 1 month later he kicked her arse out.

I don't know about you OP but really when it's like that all of a sudden the person becomes so unattractive...I did not give him the time of the dau. Was unable to accept the fact he had preferred her over me over all this time. Ego, pride...call it what you want but I hope you have some of that.

Don't b second choice for anyone!

[sookie6]

There is another theory that says that once you have broken up there is no going back!

[sienn]

i don't know about others, but personally i like to live in the present. be around good clean people. there are folks who sap your energy, disrupt your life and do not deserve your attention. even for ex's, who may cause discord if you are involved in a current relationship. so what if he/she is an ex ? ex = past. if they are nothing but trouble, leave them behind so that they don't affect your present life.

i know a guy who lets his ex run and control his life to the extent of hurting his girlfriend and relationship. that's just dumb and cruel to hurt an innocent person because of his inability to think straight and handle it well. we all have a choice. that applies to ex's and the extent you allow him/her to be in your life.

[cmacattack1]

Arrgggh. I appreciate you guys hammering home that the point of being the ex is the past and putting it behind you. My last break up has given me a complete 180 in my priorities and behavior, but it is a nice reality check that I won't get another shot....

Not to mention if an ex really cared about you instead of just what they wanted, they wouldn't be attempting to interrupt your relationship in the first place. People that do that cannot let go and cannot admit they were wrong before...